Topeka couple reflects on new role as parents as Kansas pursues anti-transgender bills

March 11 was already slated to be a special day for Serana Darkmoon and Austin Dalton.

Friends and family were to gather in celebration for the couple's baby shower. The couple of two years had considered fostering or adopting a child one day as they weren't sure they would be able to conceive.

The pregnancy was good fortune.

Hours after the shower, Darkmoon and Dalton rushed to the hospital. Their daughter was coming 18 days early.

Labor was mercifully quick. Delilah arrived, and Darkmoon and Dalton began their journey in parenthood.

As transgender parents in Topeka, they have a message for Kansas legislators they say have been unfairly targeting people who are transgender: They're part of this community, too.

Fear for the future but also hope

Darkmoon is a 29-year-old transgender woman who was born and raised out of state, and Dalton is a 23-year-old transgender man who was born and raised in Topeka. They said they are navigating being transgender parents in a state that is trying to restrict the actions of people like them.

Darkmoon and Dalton have tried to imagine the world their daughter will grow up in, they said. They're scared of what may may come.

"It's honestly scary," Darkmoon said, "but all we can do is continue to hope that people open their minds and start to realize that we're not going anywhere, and we've been here forever."

Anti-transgender bills pursued in Kansas Legislature

In recent months, lawmakers have pursued anti-transgender legislation while Republican Attorney General Kris Kobach has pushed policy changes that affect transgender people's lives.

In the 2024 legislative session, the focus has been a bill to ban gender-affirming care for youths. While Democratic Gov. Laura Kelly is expected to veto the bill if it reaches her desk, Republican legislators could have the supermajorities needed to override her.

Meanwhile, Kobach has won an initial victory in a lawsuit against Kelly's administration to block gender marker changes on drivers licenses. He has also warned four school districts, including Topeka USD 501, of his belief that policies against outing trans students are a violation of parental rights.

In last year's session, lawmakers overrode Kelly's veto on a bill banning transgender women from entering gendered places like restrooms and shelters and another bill banning transgender athletes from participating in girl's and women's sports.

"The extremists introducing these hostile bills are playing political theater and using them as a wedge issue to misdirect from the real concerns of everyday Kansans," American Civil Liberties Union of Kansas director Rashane Hamby said. "Our government should not undermine our freedom to be who we are, and we should all consider how terrifying it is to be so specifically targeted by people with this much power and discretion.

"Our organization has personally received a number of panicked emails from the LGBTQ+ community and especially trans Kansans, their family members, and young people, who are understandably confused and scared. While we can't lose sight of what's at stake, we should remember the community's incredible resilience and continue to remain in solidarity in our vision for an inclusive Kansas that lives up to its reputation as the Free State.”

'There's no reason for any kind of hate'

Despite Darkmoon's and Dalton's fears, they are hopeful for the future they will provide to Delilah.

"Honestly, the world I want to see her raised in is one where everyone loves everybody," Darkmoon said. "There's no reason for any kind of hate, whether it be race, sex, religion, anything like that, and there should be a world where everyone can coexist without there being so much hatred and bigotry for no reason."

Darkmoon said exploring her femininity and support within the LGBTQ+ community over the past few years has made those years her best ones. She said she intends to provide that same love and support to her child — no matter who Delilah grows up to be.

Darkmoon said she hasn't had contact with her family in many years, but knowing her child will be raised by loving supportive parents is all that matters.

"It gives me hope," she said. "There's so many people that have been either neglected or traumatized or outcast by their family because they were different. So, knowing I can give my daughter a world where she has that love and acceptance no matter what that may mean, no matter who she may become, it means that we can create something better than what we have now."

Darkmoon's hope is more people will understand transgender people and transgender parents are just like everyone else and deserve a chance to be recognized and live peacefully.

"I feel like it's a big deal for the community because there's a lot of stigma against transgender people, especially here in Topeka, Kansas," she said. "For everybody to see a beautiful child — a beautiful healthy girl — being raised by two loving transgender parents I think will help normalize it in society and kind of help people understand we are not what a lot of media portrays us to be."

Both parents have received overwhelming support from Dalton's family and the Topeka community, they said. Darkmoon said while they were at Stormont Vail Health, they received the care and support they needed.

Neither Darkmoon nor Dalton have gone through hormonal treatment or surgery.

Darkmoon said she hopes people understand one doesn't have to go through a medical procedure to be who they are on the inside and how that will be one of the many lessons she will teach their daughter.

"We want people to see that if they are thinking about doing this it's OK, that there is absolutely nothing wrong with this and it doesn't change who you are or who you identify as," Darkmoon said. "Even though (Dalton) carried, he's still dad and even though I didn't, I'm still mom. (Delilah is) going to grow up knowing that and she's going to be educated on what that means. She won't be confused like a lot of people think she will be."

Why stay in Kansas?

While they have received support in Topeka, Darkmoon said they also have faced discrimination. Darkmoon and Dalton were asked if they had ever considered leaving.

Their answer, they said, isn't as simple as packing up and leaving. It is expensive to move and could be even more expensive to live. They would also have to consider where is considered a safe haven for transgender people.

Neither are currently working. Darkmoon said she was fired from her job after Delilah's birth and believes it was for discriminatory reasons as she was the only transgender employee. She is an aspiring makeup artist and wants to pursue social media.

"If I'm honest with you, I don't want to stay, not in Topeka," said Darkmoon. "The problem is not necessarily a lack of desire to leave. It's more so, with the current state of the economy and the stereotypes and discrimination against trans people, it's really hard to build up those finances to be able to."

This article originally appeared on Topeka Capital-Journal: Pair reflect on roles as parents as Kansas eyes anti-transgender bills