Dunkin' Spiked Beverages Causes Concern About Massachusetts
There's some concern for the state of Massachusetts following the news of Dunkin's new spiked iced coffees.
As we all know, America runs on Dunkin'—but no locale more than Boston loves its morning Dunks, nor a good night out on the town. When you combine the two? Let's just say, outsiders looking in are a little nervous for what's to come, with one Twitter user dramatically suggesting that the entire state "will not survive" the new product.
It's "what actually happened to Boston in The Last of Us," one person jokingly replied, referring to the post-apocalyptic video game and HBO series that begins in Boston 20 years after a fungal outbreak turned the bulk of the world into zombie-like creatures.
going to the grocery store anyone want anything pic.twitter.com/VYsMH6cf8W
— Dr.Sigma Freud, PhD (@yurimoding) August 11, 2023
"going to the grocery store anyone want anything?" another reply asked, including a gif from the Fallout video games—a post-nuclear fallout series, the fourth of which takes place in the Boston area.
Similar imaginings followed suit:
this photo of Harvard Square was taken 48 hours after the Dunkin spiked coffee dropped pic.twitter.com/qi5JzGuce3
— Sam Haft (@SamHaft) August 11, 2023
Boston after the spiked Dunkin' is released pic.twitter.com/EhS4yF3S5H
— Julia Claire (@ohJuliatweets) August 11, 2023
Residents aren't too concerned about the internet's implications, though.
"I swear to god I just saw the roof of the Massachusetts State House split in half to shoot a golden beacon of light into the sky," one joked, with others comparing it to the once-dubbed "blackout in a can" Four Loko, which local colleges issued warnings about before it was reformulated.
I swear to god I just saw the roof of the Massachusetts State House split in half to shoot a golden beacon of light into the sky https://t.co/czaXN20Fp2
— Cant stop putting bionicle pieces in my mouth (@doulbedoink) August 10, 2023
It's "the New England version of a Four Loko," one tweet suggested, while another called it their "religion."
the New England version of a Four Loko https://t.co/CmBE8aIjv4
— Amy ✨ (@birbstille) August 10, 2023
Another assured everyone that residents would be just fine, suggesting that half of them are already pouring "a sleeve of whipped cream flavored Smirnoff nips" into their beverages each day.
half the state is already consuming their Dunkin with a sleeve of whipped cream flavored Smirnoff nips every day. it’s gonna be fine https://t.co/MbcKYxQQRp
— Magdalene J. Taylor (@magdajtaylor) August 10, 2023
Others also jumped to the defense of Bostonians:
People are overestimating the impact Spiked Dunkin will have on Boston because they're underestimating how many Bostonians are already spiking their Dunkin right now.
— Strike Lee (@BostonJerry) August 11, 2023
people see the dunkin’ donuts spiked coffee drinks and think it will destroy boston from within, but real ones know it legitimately has a chance of bringing peace upon the city
— todd bonzalez (@doinkpatrol) August 10, 2023
Some also took a moment to point out the missed opportunity in naming the new offerings "Drunkies," "Drunkin'," or "Pumpkin Spiked Lattes," but it's not too late for a rebrand!
