Of course Gwyneth Paltrow would go grocery shopping in a bathing suit. Multiple bathing suits, for that matter.
The actress appears on the cover of Harper’s Bazaar’s November issue, and if you think she looks smokin’ in a lace masquerade mask, $73,400 Bulgari earrings, with perfectly curled 1930s-style hair and a hint of cleavage, wait until you see what’s inside.
Accompanying an interview conducted by Samantha Bee, the spread features the blonde beauty in different acts of grocery shopping in a few different outfits, most of which are nothing more than a bathing suit. First, she gets some milk from the dairy section in a black Valentino cape blazer ($2,250), an Eres one piece ($385), and a chain-link Bulgari necklace and bracelet, while a young male employee gawks. Then she heads to the cereal aisle to stock up on the Froot Loops and Lucky Charms for her young ones (yeah, right, there’s no way she feeds them anything inorganic) in a black tuxedo style knee-length goop Label dress ($695), a Bulgari necklace and bracelet, and Manolo Blahnik black pumps ($595).
Paltrow discusses the goop clothing line, which she launched last month, in the interview. “The clothing line is just one thread in the quilt of what I’m trying to create, which is a truly modern, global lifestyle brand,” the entrepreneur told Bee. “Some people have said to me, ‘Why haven’t you gone more fully into wellness products?’ — which is our next thing, but I wanted to make sure that as we grew in scale, we were diversifying across all the different verticals, so that we could be as credible in them as we are in food and that kind of stuff.” The goop founder knows her clothes aren’t the most exciting, but she wanted it that way. “The clothes themselves are not meant to be daring at all — these are reimagined basics. The daring part of it is that we want to change the way fashion is served to the consumer.”
Then she struts down the aisle, as one does, in a Louis Vuitton black shiny jacket and bag ($3,800), a black Proenza Schouler swimsuit with cutouts on the stomach ($340) giving us a sneak peek at her amazing abs, a Bulgari serpent necklace, and Saint Laurent shoes ($995).
OK, now things get a little bit more realistic. The actress poses against a plain backdrop in a black backless Armani Privé dress with silver rope detail around the neck and arm, Bulgari earrings ($10,100), and a Harry Winston ring.
But wait, she forgot to pay for her groceries. So she heads to the checkout aisle, and proceeds to give her fellow shoppers a show. Sitting on the conveyor belt, Paltrow reads a magazine (probably an article about herself) in a black Saint Laurent blazer ($3,550), a black one-shoulder Eres bikini top ($290) and matching bottoms ($240), a beaded Bulgari necklace and matching earrings, and black Gianvito Rossi strappy sandals ($815). But it’s what’s in between the two pieces of the bikini that counts: those abs. We knew the mother of two was in good shape, but we didn’t realize it was this good. Paltrow’s six-pack is firmly on display, while an older couple behind her tries to check out (their groceries and her) and their expressions say it all: confusion and utter amazement.
That’s exactly what we look like when we grocery shop, just add a few layers of clothing and fat. But, it’s basically the same thing.