The Utter Ridiculousness of ‘Trump Bibles’

Is there any better way to celebrate the glory of the Resurrection than by helping a criminal suspect—indicted on scores of charges—pay off his legal fees?

Not according to Donald Trump, who took his broke ass to Truth Social on Tuesday morning to announce that supporters can purchase copies of the Christian holy book. We all know at this point that Trump’s business savvy is a gold-plated mirage, but you can’t say the man doesn’t know how to squeeze bucks out of attaching his name to stuff.

Hence, he’s selling the “God Bless The USA” Bible—a reference to the Lee Greenwood song of the same name—for $59.99 a pop (plus shipping and handling). For those wondering why the price point is so high, a site dedicated solely to selling the books notes that it’s “the only Bible endorsed by President Trump.” Not like those other worthless Bibles that aren’t endorsed by Trump.

Donald Trump Is Now Hawking ‘God Bless the USA’ Bibles

In the sales video posted to Truth Social, Trump does some basic product placement (somehow, inexplicably, the Bible doesn’t burst into flames in his godless hands) and suggests that this Easter, “Let’s Make America Pray Again!”

I know that there’s no bottom for the Trump campaign and, similarly, no level of idiocy his most fervent supporters won’t co-sign, but can we just review the facts here?

Donald Trump’s Christianity has always been so unserious as to be laughable, and his latest con of peddling Bibles fits right in with that history.

As a candidate for president back in 2015, Trump was asked to name his favorite Bible verse, which—much like Katie Couric asking Sarah Palin what news sources she read—really was a way of asking if he could name a Bible verse, any Bible verse.

Trump demurred by claiming he didn’t “want to get into specifics,” as if he were being asked how many abortions he’s paid for and not a question for which the answer “Jesus wept” would’ve perfectly sufficed. That was topped just minutes later, when he was queried about whether he preferred the Old Testament to the New Testament, to which he answered, “Probably equal.” By the time he called Second Corinthians “Two Corinthians,” it was just another bit of clownery proving church wasn’t really his deal.

Trump biographer and financial investigator David Cay Johnston has pointed out that Trump, in his book, Think Big, repeatedly derided “Christians as ‘fools,’ ‘idiots,’ and ‘schmucks.’”

Like everyone in his life, Trump only started with his God-talk once he realized white evangelical voters could take him to the White House, a perfect place to maximize profits that are the end game of his decades-long con. And honestly, at this point, it’s impossible to feel sorry for a group of people who have so openly shown how little their self-proclaimed principles mean to them.

Evangelicals’ Trump Worship Looks More Like QAnon Every Day

Before he even ran for office, Trump was a thrice-married huckster who was rumored—and reported, by journalists who investigated him, including at this outlet—to have ties to shadowy figures in Russia, the mob, and various hate groups, and who bragged about grabbing women’s genitalia, and wistfully considered an alternate timeline in which he could date his own daughter.

In 2016 he won “eight-in-ten self-identified white, born-again/evangelical Christians,” according to Pew Research, and got roughly the same amount of that vote in 2020. Another 2021 study from Pew even found that “there is solid evidence that White Americans who viewed Trump favorably and did not identify as evangelicals in 2016 were much more likely than White Trump skeptics to begin identifying as born-again or evangelical Protestants by 2020.”

That means that a lot of people “found” both God and Trump at the same time, during the four-year national crisis that was the Trump presidency.

Robert P. Jones, author of White Too Long: The Legacy of White Supremacy in American Christianity, wrote that “American Christianity’s theological core has been thoroughly structured by an interest in protecting white supremacy.” The Trump flock stands as absolute proof of that statement.

Remember back in 2015 when candidate Trump insisted he was worth $10 billion? Even then it was obvious the man could barely spell the word “billion,” much less show anything but falsified receipts proving that was his real worth.

Now, with times at their toughest in Trumpland, the ex-president is once again resorting to using the Bible as a prop. Just a few years ago, Trump was whining about how Biden’s radical “agenda” would “hurt the Bible [and] hurt God.”

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But a scam involving the jacking-up of Bible prices for personal gain? Less hurt-y to our Lord and savior, it seems.

When you’re facing 85 (down from 91) felony counts, have had to pay a $91.6 million bond because you cannot stop defaming a woman you are credibly accused of assaulting, and are on the hook for a separate $175 million bond after being found guilty of fraud in your business dealings, you need a tried and tested scam to cash in.

And Holy Week is just the moment to deploy it!

“Let him who cannot stop criming profit off suckers in my name,” Jesus never said. But the faithful—to Trump—won’t be bothered by that minor detail.

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