When you retire, how do you answer 'What do you do?' | 20-40-60 Etiquette
QUESTION: Is there a polite way to answer the question “What do you do?” I am retired and I find myself wanting to tell the asking person about my former job, but that is not the question he asked. Does volunteer work count when answering the “What do you do” question. How about answering with “I am a mother with three children?”
CALLIE’S ANSWER: I think you can answer that question anyway you like. You can say what you used to do and what you currently do. This question is a "get to know you" question, so answer it how you like.
LILLIE-BETH’S ANSWER: Answer in a way that continues the conversation in the way you’d like to — “I’m retired but I spent my career as a _____.” “I retired from ______ and loved my work then, but now I’m loving _______ (freer days, volunteer work, time for my children/grandchildren/spouse/etc.).” Or you can say you’re still figuring out what life looks like with so much free time — that’s also a relatable answer. You don’t have to lose your identity, and there will be some who are genuinely interested in you as a person beyond what you did for a career. (Note: embrace those people.) There will also be some that are only interested in your “doing/working” part and not your “human being” part because that’s all they know. That’s OK.
If you can make peace with it all yourself, how you answer that question won’t feel so awkward to you. It just isn’t easy for people to make peace with that, and figuring out an identity after spending years on the “doing” side of things takes time.
I struggled a bit years ago after stepping away from a career I loved to stay home with little ones for a time, another job I loved but one that brought different challenges. I had to figure out my identity beyond my “doing/working” roles. Stay interested in others whether they are “doing” or “being,” to simplify the language, and if you need to, keep the conversation going by asking about themselves.
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HELEN’S ANSWER: If a person asks that question they are usually trying to keep a conversation going and so you can answer with helpful information about what you do:
“I am retired, but used to work for the local newspaper,” “ I am a stay-at-home mom with three children and do interesting volunteer work in the community;” “ I am a heart doctor at the Oklahoma Heart Hospital.” Tell him enough about you to make him able to give a comment in return. You might not feel like answering the question, but it is good manners to reply with an honest answer.
If you are currently unemployed and looking for a job, you could mention the field of work you are in and that you are currently looking for a position in that area.
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GUEST’S ANSWER: Kelly Dyer Fry, retired as editor and publisher of The Oklahoman and currently working for Mental Health Association Oklahoma as marketing director/OKC Development: I’m still trying to figure that one out myself. Retirement is not all sunshine and roses. Leaving a long career can be quite difficult. Our career can play a significant role in our identity. It’s different for everyone. I think it’s fine to say “I do all kinds of things, how about you?” Never hurts to turn the tables.
Since 2009 Callie, Lillie-Beth and Helen have written this generational etiquette column. They also include guest responses from a wide range of ages each week. So many years later, Callie is 20-plus; Lillie-Beth, 40-plus and Helen, 60-plus.
This article originally appeared on Oklahoman: Etiquette team offers retiree advice on answering 'What do you do?'
