No joke, Florida asks public for Museum of History ideas. Here are a few.

The Museum of Florida History is closed.

No, this isn’t the setup for a joke.

The museum, located a block from the state Capitol, has been closed since 2022, with water leaks threatening to damage the nearly 50,000 artifacts stored under the R.A. Gray Building.

Leaks and shuttered history in Tallahassee.

If you wanted a motto for Florida politics, you’d be hard-pressed to do better than that.

It’s a shame the museum is closed, partly because it was attracting about 55,000 visitors a year, partly because in recent years Florida has been quite busy ignoring, revising and creating history.

But there’s good news: Not only is it scheduled to reopen in late 2026, the state wants you to help decide what should be in the revamped Museum of Florida History.

That state has launched an online survey to help shape plans for the future. The Tallahassee Democrat reported that Secretary of State Cord Byrd said, that with the renovations approaching their halfway point, he wants to allow the public to help explore “new ideas, exhibits and areas of focus.”

And that does sound like the setup for a joke. Or at least a column with some survey suggestions.

The Florida 'David' statue

You may recall that last year the principal at a Tallahassee charter school was forced to resign after some parents complained about sixth-graders being shown images of Michelangelo’s “David” statue in an art history class.

So when the Museum of Florida History reopens, this would be a natural for a new centerpiece: a replica “David” statue, wearing some long board shorts. And maybe a Ron Jon T-shirt to boot.

And speaking of boots, when I suggested to Craig Pittman, author of “Oh, Florida: How America’s Weirdest State Influences the Rest of the Country,” that he’s a natural to be the museum curator, he had a suggestion for what he wants on display.

The white boots worn by Gov. Ron DeSantis while surveying hurricane damage.

Another museum, in another state, might have Dorothy’s ruby red slippers. We should have DeSantis’ white boots.

Considering that image of DeSantis proved to be akin to Michael Dukakis in a tank, we’ve got just the place for this display.

The Hall of Would-Be Presidents

Did you know that only 17 states have produced presidents? Virginia leads the way with eight, followed by Ohio with seven.

While Florida has never produced a president, it has had more than its share of presidential candidates, some of them nearly as lifelike and predictable as the Animatronics figures in Disney’s “Hall of Presidents.”

This hall can be full of reminders of failed and forgotten presidential campaigns. The boots can go alongside a boat named “Monkey Business.” Colorado senator Gary Hart, photographed on this boat with a woman who wasn’t his wife, proved that you don’t even have to be from Florida to have a campaign sink here. (The museum docent can explain, for those not alive in 1987, that those were different times, back when such things doomed a presidential campaign.)

The Hall of Would-Be Presidents can include when Miami Herald columnist Dave Barry announced he was running for president with a platform that included: “Dave Barry agrees with you 100 percent on all the issues.”

And the hall should be punctuated with a giant red exclamation point, a tribute to the campaign of “Jeb!”

The Florida Scandals Wing

This, of course, could fill the entire 27,000 square feet of the museum. In Florida, “Sex, Lies and Videotape” isn’t just a movie title. It’s an average Monday.

So this exhibit will have to come with a sign warning parents that it might not be suitable for children. I mean, if some parents thought “David” was a bit much for sixth-graders, imagine trying to explain how “Christian” (former chair of the Republican Party of Florida) and “Bridget” (his wife and co-founder of Moms for Liberty) made history with another woman.

Revisionist History Hall

This is where the monuments that have come down in recent years could be on display. Some have said taking down monuments is erasing history. So put the monuments up here, without erasing some key parts of the history — like when and why the monuments were put up in the first place.

The exhibit could include a plaque with a quote that appeared in Daughters of the Confederacy materials during that era, 50 years after the end of the Civil War: “To the Ku Klux Klan is due the establishment of Anglo-Saxon supremacy forever. All honor to those brave heroes who rode side-by-side with death during Reconstruction in defense of their own, their native land.”

In a state with a long and ongoing history of revisionist history (see the new Black history curriculum), this could be a revolving exhibit. And speaking of “native land” …

Hall of Human History

Florida’s human history dates back more than 10,000 years. This exhibit will provide a deep dive into that. OK, if history is any indication, maybe not deep. Probably more like about 100 square feet for anything before the last 500 years. And because Florida doesn’t want history to make people uncomfortable — we actually have laws relating to this — it will emphasize all the good things that Andrew Jackson, the first governor of territorial Florida, ultimately did for indigenous peoples.

Land in Oklahoma and a brisk walk!

Or as Jackson described the Indian Removal Act of 1830, “a happy consummation” of the government’s “benevolent policy.”

Florida Man Wing

This is going to be the most popular section in the revamped museum. I would say even more popular than something involving alligators. But, of course, a good Florida Man exhibit will involve alligators, pythons, iguanas, cheap beer and a drive-thru window.

Air and Space Exhibit

Sure, the Smithsonian has the Apollo 11 Command Module and Wright brothers’ plane. Imagine our exhibit. This isn’t just the state that sent men to the moon. It’s also the state that, using Florida tax dollars, flew migrants from Texas to Massachusetts.

Hanging Chads Hall

In recent years, largely thanks to one now-Florida man, America has devoted a lot of time to looking back to 2020, an election where the closest state (Georgia) was decided by more than 11,000 votes.

This exhibit will remind museum visitors that Florida knows close. In 2000, the presidential election came down to 537 votes in Florida. So this exhibit could include a glass case containing hanging chads, butterfly ballots and “Sore-Loserman” merchandise.

The museum docent can again explain to those too young to remember that, back at the turn of the century, some mocked the Gore-Lieberman campaign for spending a few weeks fighting over a few hundred votes in Florida, before conceding the election and aiding the peaceful transfer of power to George W. Bush the following January.

Yes, kids. It is possible.

The Florida History Gift Shop

One final suggestion: As is the case with any good Florida attraction, people should exit through the gift shop.

Pittman, my choice for museum curator, suggested the shop can sell some of the DeSantis campaign merchandise that, like all those Florida artifacts, must be tucked away somewhere now.

Among the items the DeSantis campaign sold: golf balls, in sets of two, with packaging that said, “Florida’s Governor Has a Pair.”

Just a hunch: The campaign might not have been referring to his white golf balls, or even his white boots. But don’t be surprised if at least one of the public surveys says that when the Museum of Florida History reopens, it should have both.

mwoods@jacksonville.com, (904) 359-4212

This article originally appeared on Florida Times-Union: Museum of Florida History asks public for ideas for future plans