Why Can’t I Stop Stalking My Crush Online?
Ask a Witch is StyleCaster’s advice column offering sage advice and practical magic for modern problems. Every Friday, our resident witch Roya Backlund will answer your most vulnerable conundrums through the lens of astrology, Tarot, and spirituality. Submit questions to askawitch@stylecaster.com, along with your birth information—date, time, and location—as well as birth information for other parties involved, if you have it. Hex what vexes you: Ask a Witch.
Dear Roya,
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Why can’t I stop stalking my crush online?
I recently developed a crush on a guy who’s a mutual friend of all my best friends, and before we could even introduce ourselves, I was already stalking him on social media. We finally introduced ourselves to each other a couple days ago, but I didn’t really indicate that I was available or interested in him. He did follow me back on Instagram, and I asked him for his number, but I haven’t mustered the courage to ask him out or tell him that I think he’s cute.
I’ve told my friends that I’m crushing on him, but none of them think this could work out in the long run. They say we’re two very different people with different communication styles.
I’m 24 years old and I’ve never been in a relationship before. I’ve never even been on a proper date. And the last time I did this with a guy, it ended up being a traumatizing situation in which I was friendzoned. I like social media stalking my crush because it’s a security blanket and I don’t have to actually know whether he’ll reject me.
I want to get myself out there and actively go on dates. How do I break this pattern? Is there any hope for a connection with this guy in real life?
Sincerely,
All Hung Up
Dear All Hung Up,
How exciting! Let’s take a moment to celebrate the fact that you have a crush. In a sea of boring and uninteresting people, you’ve found someone who quickens your heart and blossoms in your imagination. Although mildly terrifying, a crush is also a satisfying shock to the system, disrupting the monotony of day-to-day life and filling it with possibility. They could be your soulmate. They could also do something that gives you the “ick” the next time you see them. The possibilities are truly endless, and instead of assuming the worst ones will happen, let’s take this crush for what it is—proof that your heart is alive and open.
However, it’s also the endless list of possibilities that makes it easier to stalk your crush on social media than actually ask them out. Wearing your heart on your sleeve means risking rejection, disappointment, and in some cases, even humiliation. Scrolling through your crush’s feed feels like spending time with them. It’s where you can learn more about them without any of that uncomfortable risk involved. And if someone says they’ve never spent hours researching their crush to the point of figuring out their grandmother’s maiden name and accidentally liking their little sister’s photo, they’re lying.
I like you, Hung Up. I like your big heart and the way you yearn for love. We’re often taught to be ashamed of having a crush, but I think it makes you way more interesting than everyone else, and all this pent-up passion is beautifully reflected in your birth chart. Your moon is in water sign Scorpio, making you sensitive, empathetic, intense, and slightly obsessive. When you see something you want, nothing can take your mind off of it, which is both riveting and frustrating. This is emphasized by the fact that your moon forms a tight conjunction with Mars in Scorpio. In astrology, the moon rules over your emotional instincts, while Mars rules over your primal instincts. The moon is how you feel, but Mars is how you act. (See how your Mars sign takes action.)
Your emotions arrive in powerful tidal waves that could knock you over. Your heart is soaking wet when it wants something. However, feeling passionate about something—or someone—isn’t enough to make you take action. In fact, it’s when your emotions run high that you probably become even more nervous about making the next move. Your moon-Mars conjunction happens to oppose Saturn—planet of restriction and limitation—which causes you to feel as though you need to tamp down your feelings when they arise. However, seeing something as forbidden automatically makes it all the more tantalizing. Your Mars is also retrograde, and when a natal planet is retrograde, it can inhibit its expression and turn its energy inward. This causes your action-oriented Mars to hesitate and hold back due to fear of coming on too strong. When crushing on someone, you might feel like a bottle of champagne that has been shaken so vigorously that uncorking it would lead to a fizzy explosion. Because you’d rather avoid a mess, the bottle remains unopened, collecting dust on a shelf. But let me ask you this, Hung Up—what’s the point of champagne if you never get to drink it? (Learn more about each planetary retrograde.)
This is the issue with Instagram stalking your crush. You’re someone who has a tendency to idealize, as your sun, moon, Mars, and Saturn all form a T-square with Neptune, planet of fantasies and illusions. This reveals that you tend to deal with problems by escaping from reality, and because of your complicated history with love and relationships, you might see having a crush as a problem that must be avoided. And as you scroll through their feed, skim their followers, and analyze their interactions, your feelings for them build up in your imagination, making things messy when reality fails to measure up. Let’s remember your crush is also a human being; someone who can have bad breath in the morning, like the rest of us. Romanticizing them in your mind makes them seem untouchable, subconsciously putting you in a position of being unworthy of them. Shift that energy back to you, because your crush is lucky to have caught your attention. Don’t make your fear of rejection so big that it causes you to forget who you are. Rejecting you is less a statement of you and more a statement of them.
Through your internet sleuthing, you were able to ascertain your crush’s birth date. I always lean against looking into your crush’s birth chart too soon, because it can set unrealistic expectations that interfere with the organic process of getting to know someone. However, after looking at the synastry you share with your crush, I can also see that you might be viewing them with rose-colored glasses. Your moon-Mars conjunction forms an exact square with his Neptune, evoking nebulous energy not based in reality. You’re likely falling for a version of their personality that doesn’t exist, at least not in the way you think they do. I can also see why your friends would say your communication styles are too different, as your Venus in Gemini forms an exact square with his Venus in Virgo, which reveals conflicting methods of giving and receiving love. (See what love language your Venus sign speaks.)
Even though this crush may be clouding your ability to see the future, you’ve got a lot to look forward to, Hung Up. And while I can’t tell you exactly what will happen with your crush, I can confidently say I think you’ll have a significant romantic relationship when you turn 25 this year, taking your love life off the screen and into reality. In astro-lingo, your birthday is known as your solar return, as it is the moment the sun returns to the exact position it was in at the moment of your birth. And to gain a greater glimpse of how the next 365 days will go, you can always calculate your solar return chart.
In your solar return chart for 2024, you have a Capricorn moon in the fifth house of pleasure and romance. This indicates that a love story could be central to your emotional experiences this year. You also have Venus—planet of friends and flirtations—in Aries at exactly 29 degrees, which indicates that major relationship developments could unfold. (In astrology, the 29th degree is known as the “degree of fate”, because it is the last degree before a planet enters the next zodiac sign. This degree is powerful, intense, and chaotic, as it triggers the final push before karma is released.) Your natal Venus in Gemini is also exactly conjunct the Vertex of your solar return chart, which represents destined encounters with people who find us through no will of our own. This means you don’t have to do anything to make this romance happen. This romance will happen to you, not the other way around. (Read your 2024 horoscope for each zodiac sign.)
The last part of what I just said is important, as you tend to be the one who chases, not the one who allows themselves to be chased. You are a curious and intelligent Virgo rising, which means your ruling planet is Mercury in Aries in the eighth house of merging energies. Mercury is always searching for information, Aries can be passionate and pushy, and the eighth house is where intimacy happens, often in secret. This aligns with your penchant for Insta-stalking your crush, where closeness can be found instantly and without the other person knowing. It becomes a compulsion, this need to see their latest activity and look for proof you’re meant to be together. And although you may not be chasing your crush in real life, you have been chasing them online; chasing the rush of uncovering their mystery. But soon, life will show you that you don’t always have to be the chaser. In fact, it is when you allow yourself to be chased that you find someone who is truly right for you, because they see your value with no effort on your part.
Rest assured that 25 will be the year you actually let the champagne flow. You’ll shake it up, slice the top off, pour everyone a flute, and make a bubbly mess. Yes, there will be lots of clean-up. Yes, there may even be broken glass. But finally, you’ll be tasting it—the act of loving someone and being loved back. That champagne has always been yours to relax with and enjoy.
Dreamily,
Roya
About Roya
Roya Backlund is StyleCaster’s Senior Lifestyle & Astrology Editor and a professional witch. Born in Los Angeles on May 26—the same day as Stevie Nicks—she’s been obsessed with the zodiac since she discovered she was a Gemini as a child. Her interest in mysteries and the occult began in the metaphysical section at her local Borders. If you’re a fan of astrology, spirituality, and witchcraft, you’ve probably read her horoscopes and lifestyle articles, which have appeared elsewhere in Elite Daily, PopSugar, Astrology.com, and more. Whether you want to delve deeper into your birth chart or interpret signs from your spirit guides, Roya’s got you covered.
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