‘I underestimated the emotional impact of being a foreigner’
What does home mean to you? In an article for Telegraph Travel, Clover Stroud reflected on how moving her family from the Cotswolds to Washington DC last summer has given her a different perspective on how she defines home.
Although she still feels “homesick”, she explained how “home can be a feeling as much as a place, and represented by a person more than a feeling”.
Clover’s experience struck a chord with Telegraph readers, many of whom have moved abroad to the US or the UK.
‘The US is the best place to make a new life’
Jane Seccombe, 67, emigrated from South Africa to the US with her husband in 1994.
Jane explained how they were both journalists for many years in South Africa and won visas through the Diversity Immigrant Visa (DV) Program, where they became naturalised US citizens in 2005. “We would not have emigrated to the US without it,” Jane added.
What stood out for Jane was how the US “values hard work and offers opportunity no matter who you are and where you come from”, but “you’ve got to be adaptable and willing to work your way in and up again.”
With little money, the first few years were “really uncomfortable,” Jane said. On their one-way flight to New York, she remembered insisting on a week’s holiday in Rome: “I thought it would probably be the last holiday I’d ever have! I’m happy to say that wasn’t true.”
Jane underestimated the culture shock of living in a foreign country, not to mention the longing for her family and old friends. Luckily, she has been able to visit South Africa often. “It’s still so wonderful to sound like everyone else and not stand out with my accent.”
Now retired in North Carolina, pinpointing exactly when the US felt like home was hard to decipher for Jane: “Sure, there are still moments when I’m suddenly overwhelmed by that feeling of total strangeness, but I have moved on and my old world has moved on without me.”
‘I am homesick for the green, green fields of England’
Moving to England had always been a dream for Tom Donley, 71, and in 2003 he made the big move from Houston, Texas to Lincolnshire with Pamela, 78, his wife, which is where she grew up. The couple moved into a “wonderful” converted old forge and stables in Ranby.
Tom recalled many fond memories living in Lincolnshire, including watching the Red Arrows regularly practise their “aerobatics in the skies” and visits to Lincoln Cathedral.
In 2010, the couple had to return to Houston after Ruthie, Tom’s younger sister, had a stroke and required constant nursing care. “I knew what a sacrifice Pamela was willing to make by leaving England, let alone Lincolnshire. A sacrifice few would ever consider,” Tom said. Ruthie passed away in Tom’s arms in September 2023.
Upon their return, Tom described how he went through a “grieving period”, having to adjust to a different pace of life and a once familiar landscape that had completely changed. “It took me a while to adjust from leisurely ‘commutes’ up single country lanes where I spied hares, ring-necked pheasants, deer and badgers to the high-speed roadways that turned everyone into a Nascar driver just to survive.”
Although the couple have visited England a few times since, Tom explained they are “happy homebodies” and no longer “interested in facing the torments of international air travel”.
“Pamela and I will forever miss our English garden, friends, and the pace of life gently bestowed upon us by the welcoming peoples of Lincolnshire.”
Reflecting on his travels, Tom added: “We all must live life on life’s terms I guess and make the best of where our lives send us, or at least try to.”
‘California was like living on a flimsy film set’
Patience Lacy-Smith moved to California to be closer to her two daughters and three grandchildren, but it wasn’t as simple as she had hoped.
“I was beyond naive of the ways of doing things,” Patience explained. “I had bought an apartment way above what I could afford and got led down a path that almost ruined me.”
With no alternative but to return to the UK, Patience felt “shaken to the core”, but three years later, she decided to have another go and returned to California.
While living in California, Patience was struck by how “dreadful” the people are on the roads. “They think nothing of sweeping across five lanes to get to their desired exit or driving in and out of traffic a bit like a bending race at a gymkhana,” she added.
Patience found this particularly ironic as it took her three attempts to pass her test there, despite having driven around London for years. “Ageism had a lot to do with it,” she said.
Patience described how customer service soon went downhill, the political scene turned ugly, not to mention how “you’re judged by your car, by your address and by your designer clothes. You must be blonde, you must have regular Botox treatments and you must be thin.”
Ultimately, what finally made Patience return to her roots back in the UK was how expensive renting became, where it was the norm to pay a landlord in excess of $6,000 per month. Life in California was “like living on a flimsy film set, all of it designed to make you feel you’re ‘living the life.’ It’s fake,” she argued.
“As for my family, I achieved my goal with the grandchildren and they and I are very close,” Patience reflected. “My daughters feel exactly the same as I do but neither of them are in a position to leave California for the time being.”
Now living on the edge of Exmoor, Patience is content and wouldn’t swap it for anything: “Life here really is good. Nobody pretends to be anything they’re not. If they did, they’d soon become a cropper!”
