Your Ultimate Guide to Eating Out, According to 8 People Who Love It
The art of eating someone out spectacularly has become so coveted that those who do it have earned their own noun: a munch.
Whether you call it munching, going down on someone, giving head, or something else entirely, oral sex can mean different things to different people. Munching in particular almost always refers to acts where a mouth pleasures a hole, whether that be your partner’s anus, vagina, or other erotic orifice. As a slang term, “munch” is also used in all sorts of other contexts, including disparagingly, to describe a deadbeat sexual partner who is good for nothing except eating pussy.
For some, oral sex is a means to an end, but for many others, it’s the final destination. And although munches had their moment after Ice Spice dissed them in her viral hit song, it’s a sexual act that doesn’t get the respect it deserves in a culture that is preoccupied with penetration. That's a shame, because munching is a skill. When done correctly and with the necessary care, it can be the most erotic act anyone could partake in — what’s more vulnerable than putting the same mouth you use to sing Beyoncé’s Renaissance on somebody’s most intimate body parts?
What is eating out?
Before we proverbially dive in, let’s get into what eating out actually means. Generally speaking, it involves using your mouth to stimulate another person’s genitals, typically their vulva (cunnalingus) or anus (anilingus). Though it can sometimes be paired with fingering, it’s one of the most well-known acts of outercourse, or non-penetrative sex. Colloquially, it’s referred to as eating pussy or eating ass, but it doesn’t have to involve both if that isn’t your preference.
While several sex positions can be conducive to eating out, there are a few classics worth mentioning. Missionary allows the person getting munched to lay on their back while the person eating them out goes to town; doggie style is a favorite, particularly for eating ass, because it makes your hole accessible; and finally, the 69 allows you to have your metaphorical cake and eat your partner’s too, as both people get to be munched simultaneously.
The thing about oral sex is that there isn’t a single way to do it right. TV shows and movies might portray eating out as jabbing someone with your tongue and calling it a night, but doing it well takes practice, communication, and patience. Using your mouth and tongue, biting, starting slow, suction, and rhythm can all make or break the experience. That’s why it’s important to talk to your sexual partners before and ask them what feels good along the way.
What makes for good oral sex depends, of course, on who you ask. The good news about munching is that anyone, no matter their gender identity or sexuality, can take part — but what works on one person may not work on another. If you’re looking for tips on how to be a better munch, we talked to eight people of various identities to figure out what munching means to them and how to do it well, from preparation to aftercare.
Use just the right amount of teeth
Nasir Fleming (he/they), 26, DJ and co-organizer of Whorechata
Before I get munched, I’ll go in with some baby wipes and do a very deep clean inside my anal cavity, and then I take a shower. I think it’s hot when people bite the ass area, but if you’re nibbling directly on my anus, I might fight you. You can nibble a little bit, but don’t bite and pull. At the end of the day, I want to feel the suction of a thousand octopi, I want it to be really moist. The moister the better.
Check in with yourself
Taylor (she/her), 26
I have a very sensitive clitoris, so what I do on my girlfriend would not necessarily work on me. I can really go to town, edge her, and kiss her clit. I like to use my nose, too. While I’m munching, I like to take deep breaths to get me more grounded because I tend to dissociate, so I try to stay in my body. If I’m conveying non-verbally that I’m really enjoying the experience, that helps my partner. Sometimes when people have gone down on her, they make it feel like a means to an end, but for me, it’s my destination. I could fall asleep on your thigh. So the breaths are to calm them down and also calm myself down, so that they know I’m enjoying myself.
Don’t rush into it
Dawn Hennessy (she/her), 25, Empowerment Program Coordinator
The reason it’s called eating out is because it’s supposed to emulate a feast in front of you — the feast being the ass. Before I get eaten out, I douche two or three times, use unscented lotion, and put on cute underwear because it’s a theatrical performance for me.
Cleaning up before anal sex can be tricky without the right tools. Luckily, there's one method that works wherever fine bottled water is sold. Here's our guide, plus more tips to help you clean out safely.
The anal region is very sensitive and some guys have been really aggressive and use their fingers in a fast motion. They just don’t understand how the anus works and how to pleasure it. Just like with the clit, I think a lot of guys don’t know where the prostate is. The best sessions are the ones that are sensual, in my experience. When you don’t go so fast, you get to hear from the person you’re eating out and that can build up to a beautiful pleasurable experience.
Use your nose to dig in
Zavier Northup (they/them), 24
To me, eating out means tongue to rectum, usually with a dental dam. I usually clean out with warm water and soap. One time, this older gentleman wanted to come over to rim me. He rimmed me for twenty minutes while I jerked off, and that was actually really fun. I came and that was it! I liked that it was its own thing.
Sometimes people will eat you out with the purpose of stretching you — trying to open you up rather than to pleasure you — but you have to make it feel good. Sometimes people see it as a means to an end. Usually, those people will try to put their tongue all inside, but it should be about stimulation rather than just trying to get in. There’s a certain way you can munch where the prostate gets stimulated... You have to push your face a certain way and use your nose to dig in.
Start slow and build up a rhythm
Sammy Sins (they/them), 29, artist, sex liberationist and porn star
Like you would with an expensive dessert, you don’t just gobble it up; you take your time, take a small bite and savor each little flavor. You want to treat it as something really delicate and special. I always wash my booty with soap and water with my finger. Don’t be afraid to put your finger in there.
If you have a beard, you don’t have to dig your chin and your upper lip in there because that doesn’t always feel good; a short stubble is always painful. You can always build up the rhythm and go faster, harder, deeper. It’s a safe bet to always start as slow as you can and build up on the sensation. Use the tip of your tongue to penetrate around the hole and the flat part of your tongue to lick some areas. Use your nose and your face to rub up against it. When you’re in, rotate your head so that the tongue is drilling into it in a circular motion rather than just going in and out. I like to feel that someone is taking their time.
Pay attention to body language
Nae (any pronouns), 33, Artist
I’m a passionate person, so I want to know what the person wants from me. Body language is everything, so if you’re just doing the same thing, it’s not gonna work for me. You gotta take me on a journey. No thoughts, all feelings.
Treat munching as the end-all-be-all
Ian (he/him), 26
Before munching, I like to start with a conversation, especially if I’m dealing with someone who has never interacted with a trans man before. I think a lot of us feel ignored in a sexual sense. There’s an assumption that trans people don’t want to be touched or be seen as sexual beings when, in fact, a lot of people are waiting for someone to do these things to us on their own. Even when I go down on someone, it’s almost never reciprocated unless I ask, and I wish it would happen spontaneously.
If you’re down there and you’re so preoccupied with wanting an ejaculation to happen, you’re not really enjoying yourself; maybe you don’t truly want to be there. It feels like you’re just playing to win and not playing for fun. You’re doing it to achieve something and that’s not even the point of sex, really.
Ask them how they masturbate
Kiana Lewis (she/they), 26, Sex Educator and Pleasure Mentor
You can approach munching by asking that person how they masturbate or how they touch themselves or how they fantasize about somebody touching them. Their answers are good indicators of what they will enjoy. There’s no such thing as being good or bad at this. It’s more about: Are you having fun with this person or not? How much are you paying attention to each other? Enthusiasm goes a long way when it comes to eating someone out.
I don’t always love to debrief the moment right after. For people who are survivors or recovering people pleasers, sometimes when you’re still wrapped up in the moment, you might not have your most clear, honest answer. I find that the most honest answers may not come immediately after the sex is over.
No one is born a munch, but with practice, anyone can become one
Eating someone out is a skill none of us are born with but any of us could perfect: In part through trial and error and in part by listening to your sexual partner about what works and doesn’t work for them. In general, many agree that a good munch is someone who takes their time, uses their whole face to dig in, checks in, and is not afraid to switch things up. A less ideal munch tends to be someone who is only eating you out as a chore — and trust us, we can tell.
In those ways, oral sex is not so different from writing a rap: You’ve got to have a tempo, highs, lows, and a nasty hook. Ice Spice posed an important question for munches worldwide to consider: “You thought I was feeling you?” As long as you keep these tips in mind, the answer will likely be yes.
Editor’s Note: These interviews have been condensed and edited for clarity.
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