Ten signs of ageing we all know well
Seventy four it is! We were all wondering when they were going to put a date on the start of old age and at last they have. But then we all know that old age begins to creep in way earlier than this. You feel it the day you don’t want to go on the fairground ride and when you realise you would rather stick pins in your eyes than eat a bag of sherbet lemons.
You recognise it when you opt for the comfy knickers over the pretty ones, or the wine over the who-knows-what’s-in-it cocktail, and you feel it (out of the blue) in your anxiety about the early flight time and the jet lag at the other end. There’s no set date on which we begin to experience the signs of old age, but there’ll be glimpses of it in your 40s and it snowballs from there. Here are a few you might recognise.
Music in cafés
A bit of 1980s pop at top volume on a Monday lunchtime activates our dance brain automatically, but that’s not the problem. It’s noise levels. Where once you were likely to be found roaring “turn it up!” at the DJ, now you might be the one saying “I can’t hear myself think over this racket!” Note: you have also not identified “this racket” as Little Simz.
Raging against technology
You think it’s the fault of the website and it is infuriating, but then no one has ever seen a young adult jabbing at their laptop keyboard wailing “It’s sent me back to the beginning!” And somehow the young adult can always fix it instantly, and they adopt the amused, patient face your dad said you got when he couldn’t work the television.
Travel anxiety in general
When you’re young, part of the travel experience is arriving at the airport in a muck sweat just as check-in is closing. Then, one day, you find yourself estimating how long the journey across town will take, building in some extra time, building in a bit more, adding 40 minutes to be on the safe side and – from that point on – you’re often at the airport before check-in opens. Also, you now travel with medical supplies and a waterproof bag for your swimsuit.
Noticing nature
See, it’s not all bad. You really know you’re on the fast track to old age when you notice the birds in the park and stop to watch them rather than striding past with your headphones on, chewing a bacon sandwich. And, if you spot a hare in a field, you are rooted to the spot.
Making speeches at social gatherings
Not all social gatherings, but there’s no doubt that, as time goes on, people get more sentimental about their friends and family and will leap to their feet and raise their glass to old friends or being together, etc. Lockdown did not help.
Discussing your garden
What’s doing well, what isn’t. When people come over you might give them a garden tour – you will if it’s any more than four pots outside the back door.
Other people’s cinema etiquette
Would you have noticed 20 years ago? No. You started noticing and minding at roughly the same time you started resenting waiters revealing their navel hair. Then you minded about the word “like” being used as punctuation. Now you mind about non-beard beards.
Beds
Your bed at uni was 3-feet-wide and comfortably fitted two people. Now you need a 5-foot-square bed and lots of other conditions must be met (very 50-something). And that’s even if you’re sleeping alone.
Being territorial about the tomato knife
Where is it? Who had it last? Why is it lying rusting in the sink? When you were 30 you had no interest in kitchen knives. Now you long for a fancy Japanese one for Christmas.
You and your friends are all very happy to talk about your digestion
And teeth. And traffic.
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I'm 77 and consider myself middle-aged
