Susan Keezer: The overhyping of hygiene

Here we go again. Darn it all … didn’t I just talk about this a few months ago? Yes.

Now such revered names in personal products such as Secret have jumped on the bandwagon to tell all of us we smell bad.

From the follicles of the hair on our heads to the soles of our feet, we exude odors that will drive animals squealing and bellowing into the swamps and woods around us … or burrowing under the foundations of our homes.

We are so foul that it seems we should all be standing at least 12 feet apart — twice as far as we did during the pandemic.

Oh, yes, we stink.

Television ads pop up with the regularity of the blink of an eye to let us know that, by George, we are not fit to leave our homes without a spray, cream, liquid, or lotion applied to our entire bodies.

Why, you ask? Because we all smell to high heaven and the Sniff Police are lurking at the bottom of the driveway to ticket us.

Many commercials abound showing products to make your house smell like cinnamon buns or Hawaiian flowers (a neat trick in Michigan) because your home must automatically stink. What in the world is going on in those pristine rooms in the ads that require a cover-up of white clover and vanilla? I shudder to think: a rotten corpse of an otter has managed to find its way under the sofa?

Now, those 30-second ads are being joined, it appears, by-products that guarantee to make us totally odorless.

These ads sound a lot like circus barkers selling snake oil. “Step right up folks, President McKinley used this to cure his lumbago. Yessiree. Two bottles for the price of one …”

It started with ads directed at women but now I am told that men are also targeted by such advertising. I guess there is a product out for them called Rambo on the Loose or something. If a man has been out on the tractor in the heat of summer he will be sheeted in sweat and grime — that is just how it goes. But at the end of the day, he’ll generally come in and hose himself off using soap and water. Any leftover smell is unlikely to make the rest of the household pass out or protest.

Same thing with anyone of any gender working in a non-air-conditioned factory or out playing golf. Most people don’t want to feel uncomfortable wearing soaked and gritty clothes so they come home and shower.

Let’s assume that most of us like to feel clean and do what it takes to remain in that condition. If so, how could we possibly get so rank that we would have to rush out to the nearest emporium and pay large sums of money for some product that claims it will make us odorless and fit to be out in public and not cause those around us to flee before a whiff of any smell?

All this hype about body odor is disturbing. Yes, I think deodorant does have its place in our world … rather, under our arms. But I find it difficult to accept that all of us must spend our hard-earned money for some smell cover-up to apply beneath our underwear or “down there” as one commercial coyly says.

If we are showering or bathing and using soap on a regular basis, I don’t think we need to feel we smell so outrageously that we must buy these products. I suspect it is not healthy to fail to shower and bathe regularly. Bacteria, germs, whatever, might decide to make an unwelcome visit.

The commercials for these total body cover-ups lead us to believe that if we don’t use them, down the line we may get stopped, let’s say, at airport security. I can see it now: you’ve checked in, Delta has your luggage, you’ve stood in the security line for seven minutes, you get to the agent, hand over your identification and the agent asks you to wait.

Another agent is motioned over, and they whisper. You wonder what is wrong. You are asked to step aside for a sniff test.

“A WHAT?”

“Ma’am, we think you might not have used Stink-Off-NOW. We are waiting for our sniff cat to check you out.”

I am out and about in this community. I am in close contact with a lot of people. I have yet to catch any body odor from anyone.

Having stood, once again, on my soapbox, I will now step down.

— Susan Keezer lives in Adrian. Send your good news to her at lenaweesmiles@gmail.com.

This article originally appeared on The Holland Sentinel: Susan Keezer: The overhyping of hygiene