Embracing the Power of Tragic Optimism
Suffering is inevitable — but that doesn’t mean it can’t be a source of growth.
If you’ve read my content for more than a day, you know that I’ve generally advocated for more optimism and hope in the world. Life is too negative as it is. People are too quick to pile on to each other and beat themselves up over bygones.
But there’s also problems with excessive optimism, and pseudoscientific books, like The Secret, which posits that the mere act of believing in something fully will manifest it into being. This theory has long been disdained and criticized by academics, as lacking any real proof of what it claims. Yet the book is popular for a reason, as it taps into an insufferable strain of excessive positivity that verges on self-delusion.
Avoiding staring down the hard things in life is poor for our mental health, leading to more suffering, depression, and anxiety. There’s another way of viewing positivity, that is more realistic, grounded, and useful for contending with life’s many woes.
The origins of tragic optimism
Famed psychiatrist, Viktor Frankl, introduced tragic optimism in 1949, which posits that life’s three inherent tragedies (pain, guilt, and death) are things we should embrace, arguing it’s a more realistic means of achieving sustained growth and wellbeing.
The origins of this belief system came from spending three years in a holocaust camp. He was already a professor at this point, and used this time to observe human behavior, despite himself being an inmate and in terrible danger. He saw remarkable cases of resilience, and crushing examples of innocent victims succumbing to the horror of their circumstance.
Dr. Frankl argues we should embrace tragedy as a pivot point, using the ephemeral nature of life as an incentive for decisive action.
Rather than embracing excessive positivity, glossing over setbacks with platitudes of happiness or choosing to look away from them, use tragedies to learn and be forward-looking. It’s reminiscent of kintsugi, an ancient Japanese method of making pottery by breaking it, and then putting it back together, joining the pieces with powdered gold, silver, and platinum. When these parts are rejoined, it produces an even more beautiful piece than ever.
It’s a good metaphor for post-traumatic growth, which researchers found with people living in the wake of unimaginable tragedies. This isn’t to say people would wish these tragedies upon themselves. But they are still surprised by the growth that comes after.
In the words of Rabbi Harold Kushner, who lost his 15-year-old son to an accident, “I am a more sensitive person, a more effective pastor, a more sympathetic counselor because of Aaron’s life and death than I would have been without it. And I would give up all those gains in a second if I could have my son back. If I could choose, I would forego all the spiritual growth…But I cannot choose.”
The central idea of tragic optimism is that no amount of suffering can make life meaningless.
Components to deploy
An exercise in gratitude can be an excellent starting point for post-traumatic growth. For example, during the worst period of the pandemic, scientists found that the happiest people were those who expressed gratitude. They recognized the little things the pandemic had done for them — bringing them closer to family, making them appreciate what good health they had, their access to healthcare and other blessings in life.
But gratitude needs context and meaning or it can easily stray into toxic positivity. For example, years ago, I was rear ended hard by a guy who was tailgating me for more than a mile. I was furious but contained myself. When I got out, he pretended we were best friends, smiled this big grin and started going on about how great the world is in spite of moments like this. There was no apology. He acted like a motivational quote would undo the damage to my car. He was tone deaf and painfully misread the situation. He could have killed someone.
The lesson being: your goal isn’t to turn a blind eye to tragedy. Stare it down, and then use it to move forward. While also reflecting on the good in your life. The use of gratitude correlates to lower rates of depression, anxiety, and addiction.
How I coped with trauma in my own life
I went through a terrible back injury after an accident in college, which left me in chronic pain for a full year, being stuck out of work and school. There were times when I didn’t know that I’d get better. I was seeing doctor after doctor, and doing physical therapy each week.
After things finally started to improve, I relished the chance to make my body strong, to go do things with friends, and refocus on my schoolwork. It was only after going through that — that I realized, without my health, I have nothing, so I’d best take advantage of it and not take it for granted ever again.
This took a long time and significant work, because for a while, I often asked “Why did this happen to me?”
And, “Why did the universe choose me for this malady?”
The reality is — we all get our turn. The promise of ill health is one of the few debts life pays in full.
In that same clinic, I saw burn victims and victims of car accidents. I saw a woman whose right knee was perpetually raised because of an back injury from falling off a roof. I saw a policeman whose right arm was gimp, like a noodle, after he’d used it to knock down a door, which shattered a nerve in his shoulder.
No, it was no concentration camp by any means. But we leaned on each other and found ways to cope with our situations. We stayed resilient and kept our hope, which is the bedrock of tragic optimism.
These down moments can pave the way for improved creativity, empathy, appreciation for life, motivation, and newfound purpose. But this only happens when we choose to process the event through a realistic lens.
Don’t think you are safe
As many as 75% of adults will experience trauma in their life, and like the rabbi, they will find this moment of change thrust upon them.
Psychologists, Dr. Richard Tedeschi and Dr. Lawrence Calhoun, conducted a survey of those who’d experienced trauma. They found that a majority (not all), had become closer with family, developed more inner strength than they thought possible and found more meaning, all in the wake of their traumatic event. This isn’t to say some aren’t deeply damaged by these events, but that good is possible. It doesn’t come by smiling and repeating a platitude.
In my case, it took therapy and inner work to think through and heal from the bad things that had happened. And that change doesn’t happen in a snap.
Be willing to have the difficult conversations with yourself about what is happening. Then ask yourself, “Now what?”
Use gratitude as an opportunity for selflessness. In the words of Dr. Robert A. Emmons, psychoanalyst at the Yale Center for Emotional Intelligence, “True gratefulness rejoices in the other. Its ultimate goal is to reflect back the goodness that one has received by creatively seeking opportunities for giving.” Use it as an opportunity to share more kindness into the world, and thought for others when selflessness feels so rare.
Use it as a moment to reflect on what can be learned and how your mindset could be improved going forward. The most important moments in my life have all stemmed from a major setback and what came after it.
I don’t know that everything happens for a reason. But when things do happen, you can choose to derive meaning and value from it regardless.
I'm a former financial analyst turned writer out of Tampa, Florida. I write story-driven content to help us live better and maximize our potential.