Reddit Is Cringing Over the Way a New Dad Celebrated His Baby’s Birth in Front of His Sister Struggling to Conceive
For people struggling to with infertility, this is going to be a hard one to read. Just like it might be hard for them to see friends writing pregnancy announcements on Instagram or walk by the baby section in a store. The sister of a man who recently posted on Reddit is likely in that same space. She’s 37 and had been trying to conceive with her husband for six years. The process must have taken a toll on their marriage because — according to the man who originally posted (the “OP”) — that’s what prompted their divorce.
“This has of course devastated her as she’s been really keen on having children for the past decade give or take,” OP wrote. “After the divorce, they sold the house and she ended up moving back in with our parents since they have plenty of room.”
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Now OP is on the “Am I The A—hole? (AITA?)” subreddit trying to find out if he did wrong by his sister.
What Happened?
OP and his girlfriend just welcomed a “beautiful” baby boy and they “couldn’t be more ecstatic.”
OP made a plan with his parents that he, his girlfriend, and son would stay with them for a few weeks so his mom could help with the baby. Once they got home from the hospital, OP said everyone was “so happy.”
“[I] saw my dad and we just started hugging and jumping around the place while trying not to wake up the baby,” OP said. “My dad was like, ‘You did it’ and I’d reply, ‘And you’re a grandad.'”
“[We were] both smiling ear to ear just being absolutely goofy,” he continued.
OP then went to hug his sister who seemed to be “spaced out.” She then started crying and ran up the stairs.
“Now we’re left there standing my mom gives me the eyes and says me and dad shouldn’t have celebrated like that in front of her. I told her she should be able to deal with it.”
OP said he went upstairs but his sister didn’t want to talk to him. So now he wants to know, is he an a—hole for how he celebrated? And if so, does Reddit have advice for how he should move forward?
Reddit’s Reaction
There are some Reddit posts that make us clench our fists in fury. But this is one that makes us cringe in pain and secondhand embarrassment. Because was OP the AH for celebrating the birth of his child? No! That’s an amazing thing worth celebrating! But could he have been a little more tactful given his sister’s history with infertility? Perhaps.
“Although what your sister went through is sad and I’m sure difficult for somebody – you’re allowed to be happy!” one commenter said. “You just had a major life-changing event happening, you’re a dad … I’d say that’s something worth celebrating. Your sister’s feelings are still valid, don’t get me wrong. But so are yours man.”
“Sister is entitled to her feelings. As long as she does not act on them with the purpose of ruining the celebration she isn’t TA, and neither is OP.”
And she certainly didn’t. She didn’t cause a scene or shut the celebration down. She cried and left: two perfectly normal things for someone in her situation to do.
“I felt like the insensitive line was a little crossed with phrases like ‘You did it’ (it kinda feels like having a kid is an achievement at which you can succeed or fail, and it’s not like that at all), and that being immediately followed by ‘you’re a grandad’ (which in the context can feel like you finally were able to provide something your sister was unable to after 10-ish years trying). I’m not saying this is what you meant, but that I can easily see her understanding exactly this, especially if she was already having complicated feelings.”
“I don’t blame sister in any way for being upset … hearing, ‘You’re a grandpa!’ when I hadn’t been able to make him a grandpa for six years would have sting so badly,” someone said. “I honestly think the only AH thing in all this is that no one thought that sister might struggle with having this newborn in the house for a few weeks. Mom should have gone to stay with OP and partner, not have them come stay at the parents.”
Which brings us to the mom. Was that OK for her to be the “fun police,” as one Redditor put it? Well, she’s in a tough spot too. Because she must be equally excited to be a grandma, but she knows her daughter needs her right now. So was she right to discourage the celebration? Probably not. But was it understandable? Definitely.
So what does OP do now? Especially knowing they’re all about to be living together for a while?
“I would suggest a long talk with her, tell her how you feel and how much you look forward to her being the best auntie in the world, and ask what you can do to help her,” one Redditor said. “She may want to distance herself, and try to be understanding of that too.”
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