“I Will Interrupt Men Back” — People Are Sharing The “Microfeminisms” They Practice Every Day
"I will always call this out," one person said about calling out men who take credit for a woman’s work. And, "I force dads to be involved," a father added in a viral video about organizing playdates so the onus isn’t always on mothers.
@ellalowgren / Via tiktok.com, @notsoprodad / Via tiktok.com
These TikToks are just a few of many crystallizing a new trend of people sharing the small but intentional actions they do daily to create a more equal playing field for women, which creator Ashley Chaney, a producer and host from Los Angeles, coined as "microfeminisms."
After a tough day at work experiencing what she explained as "subtle misogyny," Ashley took to TikTok to share the "microfeminisms" she practices in the workplace.
She began, "My favorite form of microfeminism is when I send an email, let's say, to, like, a CEO, and you know, you have to copy their assistant for scheduling purposes... If their assistant is female, I will always enter their email address before the CEO's."
"Nobody probably notices but it makes me feel like, 'I see you.'"
She continued, "Another thing I do, kinda along those same lines, is if I'm emailing a team, I will always address the woman first in the actual e-mail. So I'll be like, 'Hey Kathy and Joe.'"
Her video, which has now been viewed over 2 million times, sent the trend into orbit. She encouraged others to share their own microfeminisms, leading to thousands of comments and many more viral videos of people tagging onto the trend.
She told BuzzFeed, "I'm sure I'm not the first person to speak about this, or even give it a name, but the way this trend has taken off says to me that it's something very important to women around the world."
Since Ashley's video, here are some other ways people shared how they practice "microfeminism":
"I'm so happy to finally hear a word for this," added TikTok user Mahlet Yared, who explained that activism happens on the micro level.
Mahlet said she practices microfeminism by refraining from giving women body-specific compliments, whether positive or negative. She said, "I grew up with a lot of men, and this is something I learned men do a lot. When they see somebody has made improvements to their health, their compliments are like, 'You look great, bro," [or], 'You look really strong.'"
So instead of making specific comments on a woman's weight or appearance, even if those things did change, she said she'd give compliments like, "You're really glowing," or "You look radiant." She said that even if someone lost weight, she's "not affirming that weight loss is the thing that made them beautiful, but that they are beautiful."
Secondly, like Ashley, Mahlet said she'll always put the woman's name first when addressing a man and a woman, which she said people picked up on for her wedding invites.
And thirdly, Mahlet said she practices microfeminism by not asking women about their relationship statuses. She said, "I assume women are single by choice in the same way that we assume men are single by choice."
In another video, Ella Lowgren, a 32-year-old game developed from Australia, shared how they also practice microfeminisms, particularly at work.
@ellalowgren / Via tiktok.com
"I find at work that I'm not often interrupted by women in meetings, but I am often interrupted by men," Ella said. "So if I'm interrupted by men, I will then, in turn, interrupt them back. But I will never interrupt another woman when she is speaking."
She continued, "I will not stop talking if I'm interrupted by a man. I will keep talking until he becomes so uncomfortable that he stops talking. When he finally does stop interrupting me, I will finish what I'm saying, but I'll usually say something that's a little bit uncomfortable for him, like, 'Oh, great, now that you've finished interrupting me, I can finish my point before you continue.'"
@ellalowgren / Via tiktok.com
Ella added, "I also do this if anyone interrupts another woman that is speaking. I will ask the man to stop interrupting to let her finish her thought before he continues."
Ella said they will also call out when a man takes credit for a woman's work or idea. They said, "It's not unusual for me to turn around and say something along the lines of, 'Oh, John, that's a fantastic point, and I think it's really relevant in this conversation. I also really enjoyed when Mary brought it up earlier.'"
Lastly, Ella said that if everyone is on the same level in a meeting, she will ask the man in the room to book the follow-up meetings because, typically, women will get asked to do it, or it's just assumed they'll do it.
@ellalowgren / Via tiktok.com
Ella told BuzzFeed, "In my opinion, microfeminisms help even the playing field. Overwhelmingly, women are expected to do admin work, take notes, and schedule meetings over men, even if they share the same title. The small things I do day-to-day help me support the women I work with while making men more aware of their impact on the women around them."
Ella added that the men at her workplace generally respond favorably to pushback, compared to some of the pushback from men online, thanks to the inclusive environment her workplace fosters.
She said, "I am so lucky with the team I'm on at work. I'm really supported by the men around me, which in turn makes it easier for everyone to support the women in the team, myself included."
I was also happy to see that men also contributed to the microfeminism discourse on TikTok — Will Davis, a dad of three from Pennsylvania, called out how he practices microfeminisms as a father, particularly when scheduling playdates.
@notsoprodad / Via tiktok.com
Will said, "I make it a point to schedule as much playdate time as possible. A lot of times, I'm dealing with moms of other children. But, I force the dads to be involved. I'll text them first. I'll e-mail them first. If I run into them, I'll say, 'Hey, here's my number, let's set something up for our kids.'"
He told BuzzFeed, "Sometimes it's a challenge to get the other dads to engage at first but once we get that first playdate scheduled, that greases the wheels for future occurrences."
Will said that, for the most part, the dads are responsive and engaged, but usually, he's the instigator. "I've not yet been approached by another dad unprompted, so that will be a special day when I know I've met a like-minded fella."
He continued, "Putting together events that bring my kids joy fills my cup. The bonus is that I'm helping spread awareness that dads are parents too, not just donors or babysitters, and I'm giving my wife less to think about in terms of our joint management of a very busy household. And it helps other dads feel comfortable stepping up by seeing someone already doing it."
"I give tons of credit to my wife, though, for setting up the organizational systems at home and on our calendar that make this work really smoothly for us. It lets us focus more on the kids than the administrative aspect of it all."
Will added that he also practices microfeminism by adding labels to men's sports and activities. For instance, he said, "For patriarchal reasons, the women's version of anything is always called out, so I flip that on its head, either by adding 'men's' or omitting the women's label." So, "'Steph Curry? I think he plays in the men's NBA.'"
Lastly (but not least), Claire Fishman, a 24-year-old from Los Angeles, shared that she practices microfeminism by noticing when people use passive language to describe when men take violent or harmful actions against women.
For example, she said, "If someone gets followed home, they'll say, 'My friend got followed home.' Or, 'My friend got harassed at a bar.' When, in fact, the unsaid is that a man harassed your friend at a bar, a man followed your friend home. By taking the man out of the sentence, you are basically just leaving the unsaid, that it is a man, to be normalized."
She continued, "Because if a woman followed your friend home, that would be the first thing you said. Like, 'Oh my god! A woman followed my friend home. That's so weird...' The fact that it's so normalized that we can use the passive tone and know what's happening... [that] shouldn't be normal."
Personally, I loved watching and reading through all the small but mighty ways people make the world a little more equitable. I think it's something we can all remember and consider in our daily lives. And even if you already consider yourself a feminist or practice "microfeminisms" such as these, it's cool to have a collective term for, or at least come together and call out, some shared experiences.
That being said, not all our experiences are similar! Moreover, this discourse is still highly centered around the gender binary. It's important to consider intersectionality when practicing our "microfeminisms." That is, we are all part of different social categories (i.e., race, gender, class) that intersect to create different experiences of oppression and discrimination.
For instance, the discrimination a transgender Black woman might face in the workplace would look different than my experience as a cisgender white woman. Moreover, what men do to women — white women can also do onto Black women and people of color. When we talk about "microfeminism," we have to take into account the most marginalized in the room.
Now, I flip it back to you — do you have any "microfeminisms" you practice to add? Let me know in the comments!
