Meet the Couples Using Workplace Software to Organize Their Romantic Lives

Sophia Benoit
·5 min read

Michael Houtz

Courtney Ranstrom, a financial planner from Portland, OR, tells GQ that she and her husband use the workplace collaboration app Slack for about 98% of their communication. “Any time I post screenshots of a conversation we have on Instagram or Twitter people are like, ‘You use Slack with your husband?!’ and I’m like, ‘Don't worry about it!’” Her husband, Ryan, is a programmer. When his job started using Slack, he suggested they create their own channel; Courtney got on board.

It will not blow anyone’s mind to say that work and productivity culture are seeping into every facet of our lives, and Courtney and Ryan are far from the only couple to have turned to corporate software to optimize their relationship. Emily Oster, the parenting writer and economics professor, wrote a whole book about using business principles to run family life called The Family Firm, where she writes, “I would argue that, in fact, many of the tools and processes you most need to manage this period of life are exactly the ones that many businesses use to function well.”

And it’s true: If we’re already at the office 40 hours a week—and used to operating at a high level there—why not bring work home? Especially when dealing with the unpleasant tasks that come with romance. The not-so hot stuff.

Comms

Ranstrom is not alone in using Slack to talk to her partner. Author Karen McGrane once confessed that she and her husband have 26 separate Slack channels, saying it’s “very handy for needing to keep track of shopping lists, house chores, dog related tasks, etc.” Other couples who use it, including Ranstrom, say it helps when crossing the Android/iPhone barrier. (More recreational chat apps can serve the same function, of course: Author Sarah Wendell says she, her spouse, and two teens share a Discord, and that it works great.)

Finance

Since the age of trading goats for brides, romance has been mercenary—and budgeting tools have come a long way since the abacus. Consider that more than half of married or engaged couples find finances difficult to talk about—perhaps it makes sense to revert to something a little less emotional and a little more corporate. I myself have a monthly Google Sheet devoted to bills where my boyfriend and I drop shared monthly expenses. But this is not nearly as elaborate as one woman I spoke to, Farah, who lives in Kuwait, and says that she and her husband created elaborate Google Sheets to decide on everything from what apartment to rent to which furniture to purchase. If you’re curious about the furniture spreadsheet, the categories included links, dimensions, number of drawers, and cost, as well as more subjective things like quality, aesthetics and how well it compliments their other furniture.

Logistics

Laura Boyle, author of the upcoming book Monogamy? In this Economy? knows that a shared Google calendar is a bit of a joke about (and among) the polyamorous community. Still, she finds it useful. Her partner has a shared calendar with his nesting partners (she is the only person he sees outside of his house) and Boyle is able to view his personal calendar in free/busy mode, which makes scheduling things a lot easier—at least, if he actually remembers to block out time. “I still have to message him sometimes to be like, ‘Hey, there’s an entire weekend where it doesn't show that you're busy. Does that just mean that somebody else in your house put a big event in the shared calendar and you just didn’t bother to put it in?”

She admits that shared calendars aren’t for everyone; a lot of younger poly people apparently seem to be a bit more relaxed about the whole thing. The newer generation seems to feel that, “just because they’re seeing more people doesn’t mean they need to become calendar people.” With that said, though, she says “triads and quads almost always have a shared calendar.”

Strategy

Ben Lang, a startup investor, tweeted earlier this month about using the productivity app Notion for he and his wife, sharing a template for those who might want to do the same. (He was, to be transparent, an “early member of the Notion team”). The template is titled “Couple’s Home Base" and has categories like “Grocery store log” and “Streaming passwords” but also sections for a “long term mission statement” and an “issue tracker” for arguments and resolutions.

I spoke to him about how it started: He used Notion to track his dates when he was single, then he and his wife began using it together for wedding planning. “My wife had never used Notion before," he said, "so this was a great way to onboard her.” Now they use it a few times a week.

Downside Risk

Should you do this? Obviously, it has the potential to become seriously unromantic. You can have all kinds of sexual fantasies about banging the boss, but an unequal power dynamic is less hot when it’s all about who does all the laundry—and who creates a Trello card for an emergency load.

The positives of thinking about your relationship like a business work best if a couple is actually on equal footing. You’re colleagues, and your boss is the relentless demands of modern life. (You know: fixing the door to the washing machine, calling your brother to help stain the deck, getting the cat’s meds, fighting with your insurance over a hospital bill, remembering to pay daycare, and so on). The reality of daily life creeps into romantic relationships whether you use corporate tools for budgeting and scheduling or not, so if the tick-tick-tick of an incoming Slack message doesn’t kill every impulse you have to bone, then go for it. Just maybe don’t put in a Jira ticket to “circle back” on the dishes.

Originally Appeared on GQ

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