I’m a flight attendant — I’ve had it with horny couples who bring the bedroom on board

Too many travelers are vying for mile-high club memberships and it’s driving flight attendants mad.

For air hostess Suzanne Bucknam, there is nothing worse than travelers treating airplanes like love motels at 30,000 feet.

The beleaguered flight attendant revealed that time and time again she’s borne witness to frisky flyers getting freaky in the friendly skies, claiming she’s even had to kick unabashed rompers off the plane.

She spilled the beans on sky sex, and other inflight “icks,” in a recent tell-all interview with UK-based parking site SkyParkSecure.

“A kiss on the lips or handholding doesn’t warrant ick status but making out and putting a blanket over each other’s laps gets very uncomfortable for everyone in the vicinity,” described the aghast stewardess, who works for an undisclosed airline. “I’ve seen several couples attempt to join the mile-high club either in the bathroom or, worse, at their seats with said blanket over them.”

She added, “In fact, I’ve caught a couple with their pants down in the back of our plane once. We did an emergency landing and had them escorted off the plane, then got back in the air without them.”

Engaging in high-altitude hanky panky can land passengers in serious trouble.

Indeed, while going at it on an airplane is not explicitly illegal, flyers risk breaking public indecency and other laws if they choose to partake, Forbes reports.

“It should be known that you can be arrested for public indecency, and flight attendants won’t be afraid to call the authorities if they see you trying to get too cozy with your partner,” Bucknam declared.

Perhaps it’s no surprise that 59% of these inflight rendezvous occur in the lavatory away from prying eyes, according to a fall survey by match-making site SaucyDates.

Bucknam isn’t the only fly-witness to sky-high hookups. In a recent “Ask Me Anything” session on Reddit, an unnamed 25-year flight attendant claimed that he busts people making love midflight at least once a year — and not just passengers.

“What does happen a lot is straight married pilots hooking up with gay male attendants,” he declared.

High-altitude honeymoon

Grates Bucknam is equally fed up with honeymooners treating planes like a wedding soiree in the sky.

“What I wish all honeymooners knew before traveling somewhere is that, just because they’re celebrating, it doesn’t mean others have to celebrate or contribute to that celebration,” she said. “If you do get a free upgrade or a free drink, fantastic! But please don’t demand one from an unsuspecting flight attendant.”

She continued, “And as an employee who has been in that situation, it’s just plain awkward if there are no upgrades available, and it’s against the airline’s policy to give freebies.”

The flight attendant is also fed up with people not booking seats together, invariably causing a game of midflight musical chairs.

“It may sound obvious but if you’re bothered about sitting together, book your seats together,” said Bucknam. “A simple boarding process can become a nightmare if couples don’t book seats together but demand another passenger to move.”

She added, “Not only does it slow the process down significantly, but it often causes an altercation between passengers when someone won’t move. Someone picked and paid for that seat, so they are well within their right to turn down a request to switch.”

Last month, a business class passenger was praised on social media after turning down their neighbor’s request to swap seats with her husband — who was assigned to economy class.