Literally WTF Is Up With Guys Showing You Their Camera Rolls?
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When it comes to interacting with a man—particularly in any potentially romantic context—there’s a lot that can go wrong. At any given moment, an otherwise promising male love interest could take a hard left into ick territory by explaining the plot of a seven-season TV show that was popular in the 2010s or telling you that he and his “buddy” are thinking of starting a podcast. But if there’s one supreme ick-inducing habit that provides a more baffling glimpse into the male psyche than their collective confidence that each and every one of them is the next Joe Rogan (and, of course, that that is an admirable thing to aspire to), it’s when a man makes the executive, completely inexplicable decision to pull out his phone and give you an unsolicited tour of his camera roll.
If you’ve never witnessed this particular male mating dance—first of all, congrats. Second of all, you’ve probably never dated a Gen Z man. I myself have only experienced ye olde camera roll scroll once back in high school—likely because, for the bulk of my adult dating life, I have primarily dated men over 40 who only look at their phones when they have to do dad things, like have a tense exchange with their ex-wife or check their Ring camera for some reason. But the good women of TikTok have assured me that the practice of whatever it is men think they’re doing when they show you their camera roll is alive and well, baby.
Last summer, in fact, the Camera Roll Thing even got the Barbie meme treatment when droves of users equated it to the real-life version of the scene where the Kens “treat” their ladies to an extended guitar serenade while the Barbies politely feign interest.
So yeah, whether you’ve experienced it or not, the girlies know this is definitely a thing. What we don’t know, however, is why—like, why the hell do they do this, oh my god??!
Look, I’m aware that, as far as Off-Color Male Behavior goes, this is all pretty harmless. Like, in a world where a man could easily be defending Andrew Tate or failing to ask a single question on a date, showing you his camera roll is not bad, per se, it’s just…weird! And confusing. And, perhaps most egregiously, it’s boring as hell.
First of all, men are not good at taking pictures! Have you seen a straight man’s Instagram? It’s like, two group photos from his friend’s wedding last year and a blurry picture of the woods from 2017. With the exception of a well-trained Instagram Boyfriend (in which case, sorry, but homeboy’s ran though), photography is not your average Tinder date’s strong suit. Realistically speaking, the only good photos you’re gonna find in a man’s camera roll are his ex’s nudes, and no one involved wants us to see those!
Which brings me to my next grievance re: all of this. Obviously, a man who is super shady about never letting you catch so much as a glimpse of his phone screen is a damn red flag so scarlet it was maroon. But something about the shameless open-bookness of giving someone unfettered access to your camera roll is an instant ick for me, sorry. Look, I am well aware that Golden Retriever Boyfriend wholesomeness is *in* at the moment. But gentlemen, please, try to maintain at least a little mystique, I’m begging you.
But the real issue with all of this, as dating coach Blaine Anderson so expertly explained when I requested her professional take, is the glaring lack of conversational savvy and apparent self-absorption that this behavior betrays. Oh, and the complete inability to register that a woman may not find an illustrated look at the mundane details of their lives as interesting as they do—can’t forget that.
“While the intention of sharing their camera roll may be to use visual aids to help bridge gaps in conversation, doing so highlights a lack of social skills,” says Anderson. “Using photos allows them to share aspects of their life and personality they want to highlight without needing to articulate them verbally.”
Indeed, as many men on TikTok have argued, this baffling little habit of theirs is actually a love language of sorts—which, oof, boys. But while some men may intend for this little guided tour down memory lane to land not as an embarrassing social crutch but as a meaningful gesture that conveys trust and a desire to share something personal, it tends to result in a thoroughly one-sided conversation, Anderson adds. You know, the kind of one-sided conversation that leaves you, a woman who has once again bravely chosen to spend another evening of her one wild and precious life with a Tinder rando, wondering whether it’s time to go full 4B.
The camera roll thing also “highlights a bigger-picture lack of conversation skills and social awareness” brewing in this, the age of all screens all the time, notes Anderson, adding that this decline in phone-free dating ability may be particularly pervasive among younger men, who “tend to be less self-aware and less skilled conversationally” in general. Throw in the steady diet of near-constant screen time your average Gen Z man has been absorbing since middle school (at the latest) and boom, you’ve got yourself a Hinge date who’s just dying to show you every meme he’s taken a screenshot of since high school.
So if you happen to find yourself on such a date and are sitting there wondering, “Wow, why is he doing this? Is he missing a part of his brain?” know that the answer is: “Yeah, pretty much!” But if you want to make things a little more interesting (because god knows they can’t get any less so at that point), might I suggest seeing his camera roll scroll and raising him a little walk through your Notes app—which, as all women know, is essentially an external hard drive for the darkest, most emotionally fraught corners of our brains (and also our CVS lists)? Gentlemen, consider yourselves warned.
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