Tim Schrandt made his “last inappropriate comment on March 29, 2019″ — but his family is keeping his wry sense of humor alive with a hilarious obituary.
“If you are wondering if you may have ever met him, you didn’t — because you WOULD remember. For those of you that did meet him, we apologize, as we’re sure he probably offended you. He was world renowned for not holding back and telling it like it is,” the obituary, posted on the Schluter-Balik Funeral Home and Cremation Service, reads.
The Iowa man, who passed away at the age of 63, died after a short battle with cancer. Schrandt leaves behind his wife Cheryl Murray, who he was able to hold onto for 13 wonderful years (and who is promised not to have been tied down with restraints), two sons, Cody and Josh, two grandchildren (whom he taught to cuss), two step-children, two step-grandchildren, his mother and six siblings.
The entire obituary is well worth the read, however are some choice lines:
Tim was born to William (Bill) Schrandt and Mary (Schrandt) Manning on June 11,1955 – 100 years too late. Given Tim’s demeanor he would have been the perfect weathered cowboy in the old west or rough and tough pioneer, or maybe he just should have been Amish.
Tim worked at Camcar/Stanley Black and Decker in Decorah as a tool and die maker for 30 plus years. Tim worked with many friends and “a bunch of morons”. His words, not ours. Well not exactly his, words because that would have included a bunch of swear words.
Tim leaves behind a hell of a lot of stuff that his family doesn’t know what to do with. So, if you are looking for a Virgin Mary in a bathtub shrine (you Catholics know what we’re talking about) you should wait the appropriate amount of time and get in touch with them. Tomorrow would be fine.
A common line in obituaries is “He never met a stranger”, in Tim’s case he never met a rule he couldn’t break, a boundary he couldn’t push, a line he couldn’t cross and a story he couldn’t stretch. Another common obituary phrase is “He’d give the shirt off his back”, well Tim was prepared to do that, and he could do it quickly, because he always wore his shirts unbuttoned ¾ the way down. Tim was anything but common!
We are considering establishing a Go-Fund-Me account for G. Heileman Brewing Co., the brewers of Old Style beer, as we anticipate they are about to experience significant hardship as a result of the loss of Tim”s business. Keep them in your thoughts.
Tim led a good life and had a peaceful death – but the transition was a bitch. And for the record, he did not lose his battle with cancer. When he died, the cancer died, so technically it was a tie! He was ready to meet his Maker, we’re just not sure “The Maker” is ready to meet Tim. Good luck God!
Even those who didn’t know Schrandt have sent his family their sympathies on the funeral home’s guestbook.
“I’m going to remember Tim so that I can look him up when I arrive. He sounds like a great guy!” one person from North Carolina wrote. “I never met Tim, but I saw his story on the news in Australia, glad I came to see what the fuss was about and I have to say Tim you made my day!” another wrote. “I saw Tim’s obituary on FaceBook, of all places and whilst we never met — or even came close to it, reading his epitaph is enough for me to add a hopefully not unwelcome comment. Clearly an incredible person and clearly much-loved by those lucky enough to have had him in their lives,” a person from England shared.
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