Gary Brown: Showing the world I'm not Einstein

"What submersible helped discover the wreckage of the Titanic in 1986?"

That was the question that "The Einstein Challenge" asked me the other day in my daily email from a company that no doubt is trying to sell me something, but I'm not buying. I'm just answering each question they send me because, well, doing such silly little things online to pass the time became my life during the pandemic and there apparently is no vaccine available to stop it.

I chose "Atlantis," but I was wrong. My second guess, "Columbus," wouldn't have been right, either, nor would "Titania," even though it sounds close.

Why would anybody name a little submarine "Alvin," which was the correct answer to the question? Were there other submersibles named after chipmunks in the area searching for the sunken ship and trying to vainly to communicate with Alvin that were called "Simon" and "Theodore?"

"Alvin. Alvin? Are you there Alvin? ALVIN!"

Anyway, that incorrect answer is why I'm now pretty sure – beyond the obvious evidence of old SAT scores – that I don't have the IQ of wise guy Albert Einstein. I probably shouldn't have had to take a mini quiz to figure that out. It's sort of redundant evidence.

Questions, questions, questions

Many of the questions the quiz offers are easier to answer, of course, depending upon your areas of interest. My specialties are sports and history queries.

One question combined the two topics.

"Who was the first ever head coach of the Green Bay Packers. Vince Lombardi? Gene Ronzani? Ray "Scooter" McLean? Or Earl "Curly" Lambeau. The Packers' stadium is called Lambeau Field. I'd pick Curly and be correct.

To answer other questions, however, you need that valuable education your parents always were harping about when they wanted you to finish your homework.

Just recently, for example, The Einstein Challenge asked a scientific question.

"When we add two forces, what do we call the answer?"

Choices were "A. The Reclution," "B. The Scalar Product," "C. The Resultant," and "D. The Quantum Summ." I felt like I was back in school, flunking a pop quiz for which I forgot to study. So, I resorted to the method I often employed for multiple choice science questions.

OK, I told myself, I haven't used "C" for awhile.

"C. The Resultant."

"CORRECT!"

Aced it. Guaranteed myself at least a "D" for the week.

"Did You Know?" The Einstein Challenge quiz then asked, adding some semi-useful information. "The 'resultant' is used with reference to the outcome in both math and science?"

No. But, it's good information to have in case I get caught up with friends and answering some educational question in a game of Trivial Pursuit: The Einstein Edition.

Coming to a conclusion

After a while, though, as I piled up correct answers to baseball and historic event questions, it all started to seem a little too easy. I couldn't be getting all these answers right. I'm not that bright. Are they encouraging me?

So, I did some checking. I finally read the small print. It turns out that by replying – submitting my answers, they called it – I inadvertently had agreed to terms of their contract.

"By clicking submit, I authorize The Einstein Challenge and its affiliated companies to: (1) use, sell, and share my information for marketing purposes..., (2) supplement the information that I provide with additional information lawfully obtained from other sources, like demographic data from public sources, interests inferred from web page views, or other data relevant to what might interest me..., (3) contact me or enable others to contact me by email with offers for goods and services..., and (4) retain my information while I am engaging with marketing messages that I receive and for a reasonable amount of time thereafter. I understand I can opt out at any time through an email that I receive."

In essence, they owned me, or at least my email address, and had gotten knowledge of the things I enjoy. They're not trying to sell me something. They're planning to sell me to everybody else.

So, along with the SAT scores and incorrect quiz answers, I now had a legal document that essentially told the world, "This guy is an idiot; he'll buy something."

I opted out of the quiz. I'm no longer answering questions.

Still, I can't help but believe that somewhere up there God is shaking his head and Einstein is rolling his eyes, and St. Peter is marking me down in his heavenly registration book as a naive old guy with too much time on his hands.

Reach Gary at gary.brown.rep@gmail.com. On Twitter: @gbrownREP.

This article originally appeared on The Alliance Review: 'Einstein Challenge' a bit too difficult, Gary Brown says