How To Flirt Without Using Pick Up Lines, According to a Dating Coach

Laura Beck
·5 min read

Happy man and woman flirting together

Let's be real: Pick up lines are usually pretty cheesy. While they can be amusing, most people don't want to hear canned flirty phrases (even if they're funny) when they're hoping to make a real romantic connection.

So, what's the secret to showing someone you're interested without relying on cringey lines? We asked relationship expert and celebrity love advisor Nicole Moore, and Connell Barrett, author of the bestselling book Dating Sucks But You Don’t, for their best tips on flirting innocently and naturally. They explain exactly how to flirt without using pick up lines—even when you're using a dating app like Tinder.

As Moore explains, "Flirting is simply the act of appreciating another person and having fun in their presence." It's about noticing what you enjoy about someone and expressing it in a lighthearted way. She says to think of it as showing appreciation, rather than a strictly flirty interaction. 

Barrett agrees that flirting is "conveying your romantic interest in someone in a light, innocent, non-vulgar way." He notes that it's important to keep things playful and not too sexual at first. "You don't want your crush to confuse your romantic interest with mere friendliness. Hello, friend zone!" says Barrett.

The key is putting yourself out there as your authentic self, not relying on someone else's overused lines. Here's what the experts say about flirting in a friendly, natural style.

Related: 75 Rizz Lines That Make Flirting Seem Effortless

How Do You Flirt in a Non-Flirty Way?

Moore suggests rethinking what flirting even means. "To flirt in a non-flirty way, you need to think in terms of appreciation rather than flirting. People often feel afraid of flirting because they assume it has to be sexual or overt when really, flirting is simply the act of appreciating another person and having fun in their presence," she explains.

Instead of pickup lines, Moore advises, "A simple way to think about flirting is to practice noticing what you appreciate about someone and complimenting them." Show you enjoy their vibe without being overly flirtatious.

Barrett agrees it's key to express interest subtly rather than being too direct. As he says, "Being indirect is when flirting becomes a fun, creative form of self-expression! Because you’re not being overt, you get to show them you like them, rather than merely tell them." Let them discover your feelings through your personality.

Related: 130 of the Best Fun and Flirty Texts To Send the Guy You’re Crushing On

How To Flirt Without Using Pick Up Lines

Ready to flirt without the cheese? Barrett and Moore offered these clever ideas:

Give a “Power” Compliment

Pay them a genuine compliment, advises Moore: “A fantastic way to flirt is to pay the other person a 'power compliment': Tell them a specific thing you like about them that’s NOT about their physical attributes.” 

For instance, praise their cool tattoo, their infectious laugh, their great dance moves or their awesome shoes. Moore says this shows “you like their inner beauty, not just their outer appearance.”

Have a Staring Contest

“Flirting is largely about being playful, and this classic game from childhood is great for first dates,” says Barrett. Have a silly staring contest and see who laughs first. 

Barrett notes, “Deep eye contact can increase romantic attraction, according to a 1989 study in the Journal of Research in Personality.” It's a fun, lighthearted way to connect. 

Related: The Most Flirtatious Zodiac Signs, According to Astrologers

Use the “7” Eye Pattern

Barrett recommends intentionally moving your eyes from their right eye to their left eye down to their lips and back. "This amplifies your romantic interest in them, and enhances something called 'emotional state transference.' Emotions—including romantic attraction—are contagious. What you feel, the other person is more likely to feel," he explains.

Playfully Tease Them

As Barrett says, “Light, playful teasing can dial up romantic connection." Gently poke fun at superficial things like their favorite TV show or their dance skills. Just don't tease about personal topics and always smile so they know you're kidding.

Share a Secret

“Sharing a secret can make two people feel closer,” explains Barrett. Tell them something few people know about you, like an embarrassing hobby or a hidden talent. It helps you bond without negativity.

Give Them a Nickname

“A good tool for texting, giving a nickname to someone means you know and like them, and it suggests familiarity,” says Moore. Try an inside joke nickname like "Troublemaker." 

Related: 125 of the Cutest Nicknames, Pet Names & Inside Joke Names To Call Your Boyfriend

Send the “TGIF” Text

Barrett recommends texting on Fridays: “TGIF! Which in your case stands for This Guy/Girl Is Fire..." Emojis help convey the playful vibe.

Be Physically Expressive

Touching can show interest, but Barrett says to "read the room" first: “You always want to ‘read the room’ and sense whether or not they’re comfortable with physical touch. Empathy and calibration [are] part of good flirting.” Try things like high-fives.

Verbally Banter

“Show off your wit, whether you like puns, dad jokes, or playful ball-busting,” encourages Barrett. Trading banter makes you both feel like flirty co-stars. 

Related: 50 Interesting Questions to Text a Guy or Girl That'll Get the Conversation Going

Nerd Out!

Discuss intellectual topics that excite you, advises Barrett. “On my first date with my now-partner Jess, we spent 30 minutes talking about our biggest grammatical pet peeves, like people who misuse the word ‘literally,’” he shares. 

The (fun!) fact is that some find smarts very attractive, so don't be afraid to geek out over art, music or even grammar!

The bottom line? Flirting is about putting yourself out there as your authentic, playful self. As Moore says, “Flirting lets you express yourself in a way that feels genuine and appropriate to you.” Ditch the canned lines and find natural ways to show your crush you appreciate them.

Next: The #1 Biggest Red Flag When Flirting Over Text, According to Eli Rallo

Sources