How Being an “Oops Baby” Shapes Development

It's important that your child knows unplanned doesn't mean unloved

Medically reviewed by Yolanda Renteria, LPC

Babies resulting from unplanned or unwanted pregnancies are sometimes referred to as “oops babies,” and they’re more common than you might think. According to research from the Guttmacher Institute published in January 2019, 45% of pregnancies in the US are unintended, with 58% of these resulting in birth.

Being an “oops baby” can have an impact on development as a child and adolescent, even when the parents of these babies want them once they find out about the pregnancy. There are a number of reasons for this, but there are also plenty of ways to support children who may have been unplanned in their development.

Understanding Child Development

Child development can be best understood when broken down into a series of stages. Children can develop at different paces, so the stages should be taken as a guide rather than a rule, but are nonetheless a useful indicator.

"Parents’ attentiveness to their children’s emotions is essential when fostering their emotional development and well-being."

Patricia Britto, DEdPsy

There’s the newborn stage, from birth to around three months, which is followed by the infant stage, until around 12-18 months. Children will then enter the toddler stage until they’re around three years old, followed by the preschool stage, until around four. Early childhood is often considered to last until a child is around seven, while middle childhood is considered to last from seven to around 11 or 12. This is followed by adolescence, which often corresponds to puberty and the teenage years.

Jean Piaget’s theory of cognitive development largely echoes these stages, too, as can be seen below:

• Sensorimotor stage: Birth to 2 years

• Preoperational stage: Ages 2 to 7

• Concrete operational stage: Ages 7 to 11

• Formal operational stage: Ages 12 and up

When it comes to child development—particularly in the earlier stages—the relationships and bonds the child forms with their caregivers are crucial. When these bonds aren’t there, or are disrupted, the effects can remain into adulthood.

When a child doesn’t form a secure attachment to their primary caregivers, they may find it more difficult to form healthy relationships growing up, develop behavioral or mental health conditions, and display attachment issues as they grow up.

Factors Influencing Child Development

There are lots of factors that can influence child development, from genetics to the attitudes and behaviors of a child’s caregivers to things like nutrition and the socioeconomic position of their family—they all contribute. Some factors, however, play a larger role than others:

• Genetics: This isn’t something we have a lot of control over. From our hair and eye color to more complex aspects of us like our physical and mental abilities, many parts of us are influenced by genetics. But while we can’t control our genetics, we can make plans to rectify any limitations they might give us through lifestyle changes, for example.

• Environmental factors: Our surroundings influence our development as children, from our geographic location in a literal sense to our emotional surroundings. The development of a child who grows up surrounded by affection and attention is likely to be different from the development of a child who grows up being ignored and neglected.

• Parental attitudes and behaviors: Parents have a huge influence on their children’s development, and their attitudes and behaviors can really impact it. This might relate to the cultural interests a parent has and shares with their child, or the interest a parent takes in their child, for example.

Parental Perception and Oops Baby Development

Although research on unplanned pregnancies is still very new, attachment theory explains the importance of safe connection with attachment figures in early development.

"It's not how a child begins that defines their future, but rather the care and nurturing they receive along the way."

Jennie Lannette Bedsworth, MSW LCSW

“How a parent views their children is significant,” explains Patricia Britto, DEdPsy, an HCPC-registered educational psychologist. “Every child or young person 25 and under needs at least one adult who thinks they are priceless and provides unconditional love. Parents’ attentiveness to their children’s emotions is essential when fostering their emotional development and well-being.”

Feeling unwanted or unloved can have a negative impact on development and on mental health. Research has linked feeling unloved to adolescent depression, for example.

Related: How to Cope With Parental Anxiety and Stress

Emotional and Social Development

According to Dr Britto, “Children and young people who have been told that their birth status is unplanned can likely feel unwanted, which can be associated with attachment insecurity—anxiety and avoidance.”

She explains that telling children and young people that they were unplanned can have a negative impact on the relationship with their parents both in the short term and into adulthood.

Takeaway

Children can worry that their parents don’t love them as much, or develop a fear of abandonment, which may in terms impact how they interact with their parents—and form relationships more generally—going forward. “For example,” she continues, “Some children and young people may struggle to trust their parents and be more sensitive to rejection.”

She advises that, if parents do tell their children that they were unplanned, they should consider how they do so. ”A nurturing approach is likely to result in a more favorable outcome than an abrupt one,” she says.

It’s not so much that being unplanned in itself will affect a child’s emotional and social development, but a child who is unplanned may be more likely to have less interaction with their parents and witness violence between parents. They are also less likely to be breastfed, for example, which can also affect development. Unplanned children may have lower self-esteem as adolescents resulting from poorer parent-child relationships too.

Cognitive Development

There’s not a lot of evidence suggesting that being unplanned results in negative cognitive development or affects academic outcomes. That said, should children who are unplanned go on to experience abuse and neglect, this is much more likely to affect their cognitive development.

“Children who have experienced neglect or abuse may struggle to sustain their focus to ask and process learning information and could be more passive in the classroom rather than active,” says Dr Britto.

And, there’s evidence that children who were unplanned are more likely to have problems with conduct and attention from the ages of around seven to nine.

However, there can be longer-term effects. Jennie Lannette Bedsworth, MSW LCSW, a licensed clinical social worker and behavioral therapist, says that an unplanned pregnancy can add stress on to a family and this might have knock-on effects on cognitive development: “Financial and emotional pressures could make it harder to provide the stable environment kids need in those early years. We also know that long-term stress isn't good for anyone's health.”

Related: Cognitive Developmental Milestones

Strategies for Supporting Children's Development

Fortunately, there are strategies for supporting your child's development whether they were planned or not.

In terms of emotional development, Dr Britto recommends educating children about their emotions, and labeling emotions when their children present them. She also advises showing empathy toward your children no matter what the circumstances are, and pausing to self-regulate before identifying their children’s emotions, to make co-regulation easier.

“Co-regulation is a strategy to help children learn how to return to a calm state when triggered by stressors such as sensory inputs and stressful events with support and direction from an adult,” she explains. “For example, parents may sit with their children in moments of distress and wait until they are calm before they solve problems. They also offer tips such as taking deep breaths, drinking a sip of water, moving to another scenery, and engaging in mindfulness.”

Takeaway

External factors can help you support your child’s development, too. Bedsworth says that when children who were unplanned do well, this can often be down to things like strong family ties, support systems and resources, good healthcare, parental guidance, and policies allowing parents time off after birth.

She recommends seeking help from professionals if you think you need it, too: “Therapy, home visits, and support groups—connecting with even one of these can provide relief during challenging times.”

Probably the most important factor is parents working through their emotions—whether it's disappointment, sadness, anger—from having an unplanned pregnancy so they can connect emotionally with their child.

Keep in Mind

Bedsworth says, “With a solid network behind them, families dealing with an unplanned pregnancy can absolutely emerge happy and healthy. It's not how a child begins that defines their future, but rather the care and nurturing they receive along the way."

She explains that “countless children from unplanned pregnancies thrive with loving, committed parents.” While being an ‘oops baby’ certainly can have an impact on a child’s development, it’s not the be-all and end-all. What’s more important is the child’s life and the child’s upbringing, not whether or not they came from a planned pregnancy.

Read Next: Why Parenting Styles Matter When Raising Children

Read the original article on Verywell Mind.