Arousal Style
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/əˈraʊ.zəl ˈstī(-ə)l/
Nearly every bodice-ripping romance novel has *that* scene. Out of nowhere, the main couple lock eyes and realize they have to have each other—immediately, no foreplay required, maybe in a horse stable or on the kitchen floor. But IRL, arousal doesn’t work the same way. Emily Morse, a sex expert and author of Smart Sex, has coined five arousal patterns, which are like love languages for getting turned on.
First, it’s important to know the difference between desire and arousal, says Morse. “Desire is the emotion of wanting something, while arousal is the physical manifestation of desire.” For 100 percent satisfaction, you need both. “The majority of people are unaware of what turns them on and gets them in the mood, and couples struggle so much with understanding why they’re never in the mood at the same time,” Morse says. “Knowing their personal style is a great start.” And, P.S., you might be a combo, so experiment to see what works—it’s possibly the most fun homework we’ll ever give you.
Conversation. For you, a good talk is the ultimate turn-on. Feeling emotionally connected primes you for physical connection.
Touch. Simple acts like holding hands, hugging, or brushing shoulders flick a switch in you and lead to more intimate moves like neck kissing and leg touching.
Visual. Yes, this could mean porn, but it can also be getting dressed up for a dinner date, wearing lingerie that makes you feel hot and confident, or receiving a compliment like “That dress makes you look amazing.”
Play. Exploring and trying new things do it for you. Think: sharing fantasies, testing different kinks, or having your partner meet you at a bar and pretend to pick you up.
Physical adventure. This could be jogging around the neighborhood, partner yoga, hiking together—any exercise that gets your blood flowing and releases endorphins, a.k.a. feel-good hormones.
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