We’re addicted to naked cruises and have already spent $40K — here’s why we’ll never do a clothed one again

Ben Cost
·4 min read
naked cruises
naked cruises

Strips ahoy.

A couple who have embarked on nine clothing-optional cruises claim to love them much, they’ll never set sail the standard way again.

“I told my wife that from here on out I won’t do any clothed cruises,” Michael Brown, 56, a retired government enforcement officer from Wilmington, Delaware, told SWNS.

Nudists Michael and Laurie Brown say they’re hooked on clothing-optional cruises. Courtesy Michael Brown / SWNS
Nudists Michael and Laurie Brown say they’re hooked on clothing-optional cruises. Courtesy Michael Brown / SWNS

Brown and wife Laurie, 50, have been nudists for their entire 20-year marriage. They spend the majority of their time at home in their birthday suits. They cook, clean, eat and are raising their two children, aged 12 and 14, sans attire.

The duo decided to take their NSFW lifestyle to the high seas by going on sex-pensive cruises specifically chartered for sealoving Adams and Eves.

“It’s the polar opposite of a clothed cruise,” Michael explained matter-of-factly, describing the pastime’s appeal. “You’re paying for the premium of being naked.”

After embarking on their inaugural nude voyage in 2015 for a couple’s vacation, the duo has gone on one of these floating bacchanalias every year since.

To date, they’ve dropped $40,000 on the pants-free pilgrimages, which have taken them everywhere from Aruba to the Dominican Republic.

After embarking on their inaugural nude voyage in 2015 for a couple’s vacation, the duo has gone on one of these floating bacchanalias every year since. Courtesy Michael Brown / SWNS
After embarking on their inaugural nude voyage in 2015 for a couple’s vacation, the duo has gone on one of these floating bacchanalias every year since. Courtesy Michael Brown / SWNS

Their latest seven-day cruise — run by a company called Bare Necessities — departed Florida, sailed around Mexico and Honduras, and set the nautical nudists back $2,000 each.

What does one do aboard this floating nude beach? Basically, you enjoy all of the same cruise activities — yoga, gym sessions, photography sessions, comedy sets, shows, and gambling in the casino — just without attire.

Nudists can even work up a sweat – much like these naked exercise enthusiasts — by enjoying the “big slides, the waterpark, putt putt golf and a running track,” Michael explained.

Unfortunately, not every part of the boat is clothing optional; voyagers are required to wear attire while dining.

“If you’re in sit-down dining rooms or paid restaurants, they ask you to be clothed but in the buffet, you’re welcome to be naked,” Michael said.

“You can be eating dinner at the sushi restaurant in clothes and you’re watching people marching back naked back and forth outside, which seems a bit hypocritical,” he pointed out.

Their latest seven-day cruise — run by a company called Bare Necessities — departed Florida, sailed around Mexico and Honduras, and set the nautical nudists back $2,000 each. Courtesy Michael Brown / SWNS
Their latest seven-day cruise — run by a company called Bare Necessities — departed Florida, sailed around Mexico and Honduras, and set the nautical nudists back $2,000 each. Courtesy Michael Brown / SWNS

There are also certain areas where pleasure boaters aren’t allowed to snap photos, specifically the ninth deck where the pool and sun loungers are located.

Despite the “Playboy Mansion”-evoking environment, hanky panky is verboten aboard the voyages.

“They are pretty strict on the fact that it’s a naturist environment…there’s no sexual activity at all,” warned Michael.

What’s the appeal of the pastime? Michael said he finds nude cruisers much friendlier than their clothes-on counterparts.

The Browns say they find nude cruisers much friendlier than their clothes-on counterparts. Courtesy Michael Brown / SWNS
The Browns say they find nude cruisers much friendlier than their clothes-on counterparts. Courtesy Michael Brown / SWNS

“I find people to be rude on clothed cruises and everyone has their face in a phone,” he told a reporter. He added that by, contrast these nude cruisers are “courteous and hyper-aware of being kind and friendly.”

“A lot of clothed cruisers go for the ship, or the harmony of the sea, whereas the nude cruise its the opposite,” he added. “It’s not about the boat — you’re going because of the people and the friends you’re going to meet.”

Michael claims that he even met two of his closest friends aboard a nude cruise.

The voyages have been a high water mark for Michael, who has been a nudist ever since he was a young kid.

The voyages have been a high water mark for Michael, who has been a nudist ever since he was a young kid. Courtesy Michael Brown / SWNS
The voyages have been a high water mark for Michael, who has been a nudist ever since he was a young kid. Courtesy Michael Brown / SWNS

“My mother was always chasing me around trying to get clothes on me,” said the Delawarean, who baptized his wife into the lifestyle.

“My wife was also comfortable with going topless but never full social nudism,” he explained. “So when we got married, I introduced her to her first nude experience and that was pretty much it.”

He added, “She was very apprehensive about it when we got together but she took to the idea of it very quickly.”

The couple are even raising their kids to be nudists as well.

“With our kids, it was a process that both my wife and I agreed upon jointly,” he said.  “I wanted to raise good respectful, well-balanced, body positive daughters.

Contrary to the stripteaser-like stigma surrounding the practice, Michael says going clothes-free is conversely about “removing the mystery and mystique behind it.”

Their training appears to be having the desired effect.

“Our eldest is 14 and our youngest 12 — they now don’t bat an eye at nude people,” Michael said.