50 Positive What-If Questions to Ask Yourself to Stop Your Mind from Spiraling

Finding yourself often spiraling to a worst-case scenario isn’t your fault and doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with you; as humans, we’re hard-wired this way for a negativity bias.

Although the phones we keep in our pockets can do nearly anything we can dream of, the wiring of the squishy brains in our heads hasn’t quite kept the same pace. When our danger was being eaten by a lion, thinking the worst served us. At best, it saved us from being dinner; at worst, it saved us from being dinner.

"Our brain's purpose is to keep us safe, not keep us happy or even comfortable. That’s why it can take significant effort to overcome those negative thoughts."

My first experience with the power of this reframe is an example I also love to share with clients who are convinced that something won’t work out for them. Many of my clients are deeply cynical, just like their dear therapist, so I use a little self-disclosure to let them know how this concept has played out in my own life.

I moved from New York to California in 2019, and I was pretty nervous to make such a big move, understandably. I’d dealt with significant depression in the previous few years after my mom died of cancer, and I wasn’t expecting the move alone to cure my depression, but of course, I hoped it would help.

“But what if I move to California and I’m still depressed?” I asked my therapist at the time.

“Or, what if you move to California, and it’s amazing? I think that’s more likely,” my therapist said.

Takeaway

The force of her words sent a positive surge of energy throughout my body. I’d been so afraid to contemplate things going right—and potentially getting disappointed—that it felt foreign to think of anything other than how things might go wrong.

And after nearly five years in the Golden State, I’m so happy to say that she was right. Of course, I’ve had tough times, but the abundant sunshine, warm weather, and more laid-back vibes have been such a good fit for my mental health.

Positive What-Ifs to Help You Redirect Your Mind from Spiraling

The following 50 questions aren’t meant to be rebranded toxic positivity. Your brain might be tempted to immediately dismiss some of these suggestions as a little too pollyannaish, but try to take a moment and really consider the new positive suggestion.

Over time, our neural pathways become like well-worn grooves on an ice rink. They’re familiar, but the sides may become crunchy and icy, causing you to slip to places you don’t want to go. Taking time to redirect your thoughts can be like the equivalent of a Zamboni for your brain, smoothing down the rough parts for an easier ride.

How to Try These Positive What-Ifs

Bring to mind the what-if you’re spiraling over. (It’s probably pretty close to the surface!)

Close your eyes and take a few deep, diaphragmatic breaths. Feel the discomfort and unease of sitting with this what-if.

Then, choose one of these thoughts that might resonate with your situation and try again to think of it. This time, however, you will ask yourself a new question. You can either ask it aloud or just think it to yourself. Observe how you’re feeling now. It probably won’t be a complete 180, but any positive movement is a win.

What if the best happens?

If you're a person prone to what-if thinking, you probably don't often ask yourself what the best-case scenario might be, but often, it's no less likely than the worst case scenario.

What if the worst does happen—but I’m OK?

As my mom faced her final days, it became clear to me that my worst-case scenario in life, my mom dying, was actually going to happen. There was no way to best-case scenario that, short of hoping for a long-shot miracle. At the time, it felt like my brain was incapable of imagining a world where my mom was gone and I was OK, but that's what happened. (Eventually.)

The thing is, there are many scenarios where the worst will happen to us—and we will be OK, eventually.

What if this is actually a blessing in disguise?

It can be hard to feel it at the time, but often, many difficult situations end up being a blessing in disguise.

What if it all does work out?

When we're in the depths of a complex or difficult situation, it feels impossible to fathom any way where it all does work out, but that's because we don't yet have all the information about the situation that we will need for it to work out.

What if I were to trust the process?

Which leads me to this. (As well as my favorite meme—does the process know we're trusting it?!) In those frustrating situations where we don't yet have enough information to know how things will work out—and there's no way to get more information—sometimes you truly have no choice but to trust the process. When you realize this, you find a certain kind of freedom.

What if I’m loved more than I ever thought I could be?

After a breakup or any other kind of loss, it can feel like nobody will ever love you like that again. But there is not a finite amount of love to go around, and believing this is showing yourself love, too.

What if I already know the answer?

I have a difficult time trusting myself and my intuition, but in the rare times that I take a moment to slow down and listen to myself, I do realize that everything I need is inside of me. We so often complicate things because we're afraid to listen to ourselves.

What if the best is yet to come?

If you have been through significant and/or complex trauma or have generally had a difficult life, you might be laughing at this question. But just because things have been tough, who's to say that that doesn't mean that there's better times ahead?

What if I was strong enough all along?

Similarly, if you've been through trauma and/or in difficult interpersonal relationships (whether romantic, friendship or familial),

What if I am enough?

How would your life change if you thought this?

What if I got everything I wanted?

While Billie Eilish might have thought it was a nightmare, this thought could stop you right in your tracks in the middle of a spiral.

What if I had all the support I needed?

On the days you're feeling alone, what if you were able to see the support you have all around you?

What if this was the time it all worked out?

Statistically, it's bound to happen some time.

What if I could handle it all?

Part of this reframe is being clear on your definition of "handle"—sometimes that just means getting through the day, and you've so far done that every day that you've been alive.

What if I'm already more successful than I know?

Just think: there are people who want to be where you are right now.

What if I wasn't actually stuck at all?

The times that we think we're stuck, we just feel that way because we don't know the next move yet—but that next move could be the one that propels you forward.

What if I were already free?

A book with this same name, by Bruce Tift, covers how both Buddhism and therapy are meant to free us from suffering—but what if we were already free? Key to this point is differentiating pain and suffering. The latter is most often an attempt to escape the former, but actually feeling the pain is what will set us free.

What if I were smarter than I realized?

This thought is particularly liberating—you will find that thinking the opposite was never doing you any favors.

What if that person didn’t mean to hurt me?

This "what if" doesn't discount that the impact of words can be hurtful even if it wasn't someone's intention—and, it sometimes also can take a little sting away to realize a person didnt' have any bad intent.

What if I were better prepared than I realize?

If you are the type of person reading this article and wondering if you aren't prepared for something, odds are high that you are actually a person who over-prepares and is more than ready.

What if I realized I wasn’t the only one who felt this way?

Often, when we're experiencing the most difficult or (self-perceived) shameful emotions, we may feel like we're the only one who's ever felt that way. Situations may be different, but most human emotions are fairly universal.

What if I were already ready?

These spirals often come up around things like starting a new job, going back to school or having a child. Sure, it may be possible to be "more ready," but you are also already so much more prepared than you realize.

What if it was never about me in the first place?

This one comes up often in our interpersonal relationships. Someone says or does something that really stings, and we immediately jump to it being about us or being done on purpose. Often, however, these words or actions are really about their source, not you.

What if I woke up tomorrow and everything was perfect? [magic q]

What if I mattered?

Take a moment and really think about this "what if." If you're feeling like you don't matter, ask yourself what if you did? How would things be different?

What if I didn’t believe my thoughts were true?

We're going to let you in on a little secret—they're not!

What if I knew I’d get it all done?

Here's a hint—you'll actually get things done faster if you just believe this. There, we saved you a step.

What if I saw myself as capable?

Because—you are.

What if none of it was accidental?

We know, you're a mastermind.

What if I didn’t care if people were judging me?

Another secret—more people are worried that you are judging them than are judging you.

What if I nailed that situation?

Go ahead, believe in some self-efficacy. It will help you achieve even more.

What if today goes unexpectedly well?

Who's to say it won't? And isn't it more enjoyable to think that it might?

What if none of this matters in the long run?

It probably doesn't. Ask yourself: will this matter in five days, five weeks, five years?

What if I weren’t afraid to fail?

Instead of wondering "what if I fail," try thinking that you won't. Refer to #2: even if the worst does happen, you absolutely will be OK.

What if this were easier than I realize?

If you're reading this and your "what if" is about a difficult call, e-mail or task, here's your reminder that these tasks we put off usually are easier than we realize. Having them lingering on your mind is usually the more difficult thing.

What if my luck were about to change?

Why not know?

What if I were to see the beauty in this?

That doesn't take away the pain, but most situations have at least some beauty in them, even if it's bittersweet.

What if I looked at what this had to teach me?

Looking at experiences or relationships for what they can teach us can neutralize them a bit, or at least take some of their power away.

What if I looked at this through the eyes of a child?

Think of how you might explain your situation to a child you care about. Speaking to ourselves the way we speak to children can help us uncomplicated difficult situations and show ourselves impassion that we might not otherwise.

What if I looked at this in the eyes of my past self?

Sometimes, I can realize that my past self would be glad to have some of the problems I now do. But even if I can't get that positive, I can usually find something about any given situation that my younger self would find ridiculous or have a hard time believing, and that can help me gain perspective sometimes.

What if I chose to believe this would lead me to something great?

It may feel unfortunate, but so much of our growth is forged out of our pain and a desire for change. When my mom died, I never would have thought that I would have moved to sunny Southern California and become a therapist, but here I am.

What if I stopped trying to change things?

Change is great, but some situations (or people!) may be futile. Sometimes accepting a situation or person for who they are, but altering how we respond, is the bravest thing.

What if you haven’t yet met the person who will become one of the most important people in your life?

Whether you're in a relationship or not, there's still plenty of room for you to meet someone—whether it be a boss, friend, or someone you meet in passing—that has a massive impact on your life.

What if all this worry were for naught?

Because it probably is. Has there ever been a situation in your life where worry actually helped? (Here's a friendly reminder that most of us, for all of our greatest worries, never predicted a massive global pandemic, so, you're not as good a worrier as you think you are, and that's a positive.)

What if you could overcome your biggest fear?

If you'd told me 10 years ago that I would no longer need a Xanax in order to board an airplane, I would have laughed at you and told you it wasn't possible. But I refused to let my fear of flying get in the way of my going to Australia. Flying from New York to Sydney and then bopping around Australia and New Zealand massively desensitized me to flying in a way I never thought possible.

What if it were safe to make a mistake?

This "what if" is a bit more of an assessment. We'll admit, it's not always realistically safe to make a mistake. (See above and flying!) But what if you are in a situation where it is safe to make a mistake? Making non-risky mistakes can take away some of the power from your perfectionism.

What if I took them at face value?

As humans, we're constantly trying to use all the information we have about someone to evaluate the deeper meaning behind their words. Maybe your partner really is just actually tired—and it's not that they don't want to do something with you for spite.

What if I were to get the job?

Research shows that positive thinking and visualization lead to better outcomes in job searches.

What if I were to trust the person?

If you've been hurt before, you may have trouble trusting again, and that is more than understandable. But what if you've found your safe person and you can trust them?

What if I fly?

This one is my personal favorite, from the poem "Fly" by Erin Hanson.

Explainer

And you ask, '"What if I fall?"
Oh, but my darling,
What if you fly?

Related: Understanding and Managing Intrusive Thoughts In Romantic Relationships

Read the original article on Verywell Mind.