10 Phrases To Replace Saying 'Sorry' as a Reflex, According to a Therapist
When you’re running a few minutes late for dinner with friends, are the first words you say to the table, “I’m so sorry, I should have left earlier,” even though no one is upset? Do you feel the need to apologize several times and worry you’ve offended someone when you share your opinion in a group discussion? How about accidentally bumping into someone in a crowd?
If any of these situations sound familiar, you might be a chronic apologizer, which is someone who over-apologizes when the situation doesn’t warrant it. Even though it seems polite, it does more harm than good—including putting a damper on your confidence. Fortunately, I have a list of 10 effective phrases to replace saying "sorry."
Even as a therapist, I tend to say sorry more than I should. It’s a natural reflex, especially if you’re a people pleaser. Finding healthier and more intentional phrases is the first step toward being more intentional about how you communicate. Try practicing these phrases instead!
10 Phrases To Replace Saying 'Sorry'
1. Thank you for your patience
In situations where you’re running late, expressing gratitude for your company’s patience lets them know you care about your
lateness's impact. Rather than apologizing for the delay, you’re thanking them for their willingness to wait.
2. I appreciate your understanding
While it’s good to apologize during an argument or high conflict, it’s not always necessary in less intense conversations. For example, if you’re trying to come to a compromise with someone, you don’t have to say sorry if you didn’t do anything wrong. By doing this, you’re letting them know that you value their perspective but don’t resort to unneeded apologies.
Related: 16 Things People With High Emotional Intelligence Often Say, According to Psychologists
3. Let’s find a solution together
Working with others to solve a problem usually isn’t easy; it’s actually quite difficult, like group-project-in-high-school difficult. Collaborating with people to resolve a problem is much more empowering and efficient than blaming yourself for the group’s inability to reach a conclusion. Plus, it shows initiative!
4. I hear you—I’m going to do things differently in the future
One of the most important things to say when you’ve done something wrong is typically, “I’m sorry.” However, if that apology has no meaning, it’s useless. By telling the other person that you actively listened to their concerns and have a plan to change your behavior in the future, you’re demonstrating a commitment to looking forward toward a solution instead of dwelling in self-pity. An alternative to this is saying, “I’m ready to listen.”
5. I’ll take steps to prevent this
Similar to the previous statement, it shows that you’re willing to do what it takes to stop the situation from happening in the future. Using this language also holds you accountable for what you did without giving repeated apologies, which usually only makes the situation more tense.
Related: 35 Powerful Phrases When You Need Emotional and Spiritual Repair and Relief
6. Thank you for the feedback, it’s important to me
Although this response seems a bit more formal than something you’d use when talking to friends or family, it’s extremely useful, especially when the other person doesn’t feel heard. This facilitates open communication, compared to overapologizing, which shuts the conversation down. You’re also showing them that you value their input.
7. I understand where you’re coming from
You know the phrase, “You never know what a person is going through until you’ve walked a mile in their shoes”? That’s what you’re doing by saying this in place of sorry. But for it to be effective, you truly have to understand where the person is coming from. Along with this statement, ask questions about what made them upset in the first place or if it’s something you’ve done before to get to the root of the problem.
Related: 35 Simple, Sincere Phrases To Express Empathy, According to Therapists
8. Let’s move forward constructively and address this together
Here’s another great example of encouraging collaboration and efficiency instead of unnecessarily apologizing. Not only does it open the door for constructive criticism (which isn’t as scary as it seems), but it also helps encourage everyone involved to take ownership of their role in the situation.
9. This didn’t go as planned
Sometimes, all you need to do is acknowledge the awkwardness or discomfort. With this simple statement, you’re saying that you understand that something isn’t right and breaking the ice – allowing you to move on toward a solution rather than overapologizing.
Related: 13 Phrases You Should Use During a Fight If You Have a Different Attachment Style Than Your Partner
10. I know you’re hurting right now; how can I help?
If a person is hurt, grieving, or upset, saying “I’m sorry” isn’t always the best thing to do. It can come across as detached when all they really need is support. Recognizing their pain and asking what you can do to make them feel better is showing genuine concern.
Related: 15 Phrases to Politely End a Conversation, According to Psychologists
Ending the Over-Apologizing Epidemic
According to data from YouGov, almost 25 percent of American adults say they apologize for something that wasn’t their fault and is “out of their control” every day. Even worse, 11 percent said they do this several times per day—meaning it’s time to collectively reassess your communication habits if you’re a part of this percentage.
There’s a strong and powerful connection between how we convey our thoughts and self-esteem. Replacing unnecessary apologies with more intentional, meaningful statements is the start to ending the over-apologizing epidemic and reserve saying sorry for when it truly matters.
Next: 35 Phrases To Set Boundaries Firmly and Fairly, According to Mental Health Pros
