Val Kilmer’s Twitter Feed Is a Hidden Gem of Bizarre, Star-Studded Stories

The first thing you’ll probably notice when visiting Val Kilmer’s Twitter account is one of the actor’s colorful abstract paintings. He posts the “daily abstractions” frequently, and you can even buy one on his website for the relatively reasonable price of $500.

But that’s not the highlight of the 57-year-old actor’s Twitter feed. Neither are the selfies. The real reason to visit @ValKilmer is for the fascinating and hilarious stories he shares about his encounters with other celebrities.

The nostalgic anecdotes (most begin with the word “Once”) are kept brief, due to Twitter’s 140-character limit, and are written not unlike poems (unsurprisingly, Kilmer is also a poet). He’s posted the majority of them over the past three months, and they also star a wide-ranging cast of characters including Lou Reed, Jimmy Page, Angelina Jolie, Brigitte Bardot, 50 Cent, and more.

And since no visual proof exists of these tall tales, we decided to animate seven of Kilmer’s greatest Twitter hits. They’ll probably leave you with far more questions than answers, but honestly, that’s part of the fun.

1. CARLY SIMON

A B&B run by “You’re So Vain” songstress Carly Simon actually does sound like a great idea.

2. BRIGITTE BARDOT

This one verges on creepy. The whispering. The language barrier. The “all night” comment. The hashtag on her misspelled name. Kind of a weird one to share with your 187,000 followers, Val!

3. PETER GABRIEL

Despite the terrible spelling (“we’re,” not “were”), this tweet really makes us think that a buddy comedy starring Val Kilmer and “In Your Eyes” singer Peter Gabriel could work.

4. 50 CENT

Kilmer also has a special memory of his co-star in the 2010 movie Gun and the rapper of G-Unit fame, which we guess explains the hashtag #GUNIT. What the tweet doesn’t explain is why Val Kilmer is always weeping (see the above Carly Simon tweet).

5. LOU REED

The iconic singer passed away in October 2013, but earlier this year, something must have provoked Kilmer to share the below story that somehow weaves together tickling, martial arts, and daddy issues. SO. MANY. QUESTIONS.

6. JIMMY PAGE

Kilmer has always found musicians to be kindred spirits. But c’mon … you gotta draw a line, man.

7. ANGELINA JOLIE

Again, SO. MANY. QUESTIONS. While many of the above tweets involving women immediately make you wonder, “Did they…?” this one pulls a 180 in the third act by introducing an unnamed “French actor.” Dun dun dun.

Ever wonder what Oprah … smells like? Now you have the answer:

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