Kristen Wiig is opening up about her fertility journey in hopes of helping other women struggling. The private star welcomed twins via surrogate in January with her fiancé, actor and writer Avi Rothman, after spending what she described were three years in “an IVF haze.”
“I wish I had talked about it more and asked for more help,” she explained in a candid interview to InStyle.
Wiig and Rothman have been together for five years and spent three of those trying to conceive with in vitro fertilization.
“Emotionally, spiritually and medically, it was probably the most difficult time in my life. I wasn’t myself,” Wiig admitted. “There are so many emotions that go with it — you’re always waiting by the phone and getting test results, and it was just bad news after bad news. Occasionally there would be a good month, but then it was just more bad news. There was a lot of stress and heartache.”
The Saturday Night Live alum, 46, called those years a “long f****** time.”
“It got to the point where I just kind of stopped talking about it entirely, because I would get sad whenever someone asked,” she shared. “It was just part of my life. I gave myself shots in airplane bathrooms and at restaurants — and those shots are no joke.”
Wiig said she felt like she was operating on a lower frequency during that period of her life.
“It’s hard not to personalize it when you get a negative result. You go through so much self-deprecation, and you feel like your partner may be seeing you in a different way and all this other stuff we make up in our heads,” she explained. “But when I did talk about it, every time I said that I was going through IVF, I would meet someone who was either going through it, about to go through it, or had a friend who just did it. It’s like this underground community that’s talked about but not talked about.”
The Wonder Woman star continued, “I remember when our doctor mentioned going other routes, and I was just like, ‘Nope. Don’t ever bring that up again. I’m getting pregnant. I’m doing this.’ I finally realized that I just needed help. And, thank God, we found the most amazing surrogate.”
Wiig said “many things were bittersweet” with surrogacy. For example, she was “over the moon” feeling the babies kick for the first time in their surrogate’s belly, but couldn’t help but wonder, “Why couldn’t I do this?”
“At the same time I would tell myself it didn’t matter,” the actress said. “She was giving us the greatest gift, and I just wanted them to get here!”
Although it was a “very long road,” Wiig and Rothman are ecstatic “the little munchkins are here.” News leaked after they were photographed with the babies, which was hard for the Bridesmaids star at first.
“We tried to keep the [surrogacy] process private for as long as possible, because it is a very private thing,” she said. “As private as I am and as sacred as this all is, what helped me was reading about other women who went through it and talking to those who have gone through IVF and fertility stuff. It can be the most isolating experience. But I’m trying to find that space where I can keep my privacy and also be there for someone else who may be going through it.”
Since the twins were born just ahead of the pandemic, Wiig has basically been in quarantine for nine months. She said they are “nesting” and “tired.”
“Having two 9-month-olds is a lot! But they’re growing, and I can’t wait to see them every morning. It’s not all just lying around and smiling at babies, though. It’s overwhelming to think about everyone else who’s struggling, and it’s hard to be good knowing that,” she explained.
“Overall it was a very beautiful thing, and now that I’m on the other side, I wouldn’t have had it any other way. I’ve always believed that things happen the way they’re supposed to happen, and this is how [our babies] were supposed to get here,” Wiig added. “Ultimately, I realized that I’m very fortunate. I’m grateful. I’m a different person now.”
Read more from Yahoo Entertainment: