Jerry Bruckheimer decides it’s easier just to reboot Pirates Of The Caribbean

Considering Pirates Of The Caribbean has plundered a staggering $4.5 billion worldwide—even though if you ask anyone on Earth if they’ve heard of a movie called Pirates Of The Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales, they would say no— it’s been hard to get another ashore. Part of that, of course, is the high levels of radiation emanating from Johnny Depp. But also the diminishing returns from the series upon the release of its first sequel. In the time since Gore Verbinski took his hands off the ship’s wheel, Pirates has never been able to produce anything more than vapor that’s garnered hundreds of millions of dollars. Seriously, can anyone say they’ve seen Pirates Of The Caribbean: On Stranger Ties (that was the one with Penélope Cruz and grossed a cool billion).

After several false starts, which include threats to bring Depp back—if he can take time away from photoshopping himself into pictures of Robert Downey Jr.—and a lady-led Pirates spin-off with Margot Robbie, producer Jerry Bruckheimer says they’re going to reboot the series. Speaking to ComicBook.com, Bruckheimer said it’s simply “easier” this way. The news came seemingly out of nowhere as Bruckheimer mused on why Top Gun was such a success (“You have an actor who is iconic and brilliant”) before making a beeline for “We’re gonna reboot Pirates, so that is easier to put together because you don’t have to wait for certain actors.”

Which actors he’s talking about is up for debate. We all assume he’s talking about Depp, considering Captain Jack Sparrow is the only constant in the series and is something of the mascot for the whole thing. Depp would likely jump at the chance to do the movie instead of acting like a pariah in France. Kiera Knightly says she’s out. Also, and we can’t stress this enough, Orlando Bloom’s phone is on, lest anyone forget he would also like to return to the high seas. But apparently, that’s off the table, too.