Drew Carey sees Phish at the Las Vegas Sphere once, talks to God, ready to throw his junk in a blender
The comedian delivered an expletive-riddled description of his divine jam band experience on "After Midnight."
May Drew Carey, from here on out, forever be known as a Phishhead.
The Price Is Right host went to see the legendary jam band Phish for his first time ever during their residency at the Sphere in Las Vegas last week, which naturally coincided with the stoner holiday of 4/20. And he could not keep the experience to himself.
"I swear I just talked to God," Carey wrote on social media Monday.
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Drew Carey and Phish"I would give you all my money, stick my d--- in a blender, and swear off p---y for the rest of my life in exchange for this," Carey continued, adding, "Bro, I met God tonight for real. I feel like I just got saved by Jesus, no lie."
That's… a lot. But it's also nothing compared to Carey's monologue on After Midnight, in which he recounted, in somehow even more graphic detail, losing his Phish virginity — to the delight and horror of host Taylor Tomlinson and fellow guests "Weird Al" Yankovic and Thomas Lennon.
"They blew my minds off so hard," Carey began, hijacking the stage. "I had a bunch of girls with me and I thought to myself, 'Is this what it's like to [bleeped out for several seconds]?'"
The parts of Carey's impromptu Phish appreciation rant that are suitable for print include this NSFW description: "It was like being edged for four days straight. And right before the face-melting climax at the end, on the fourth day, an angel comes down from heaven, Gabriel, and he shoots f---ing heroin in your arm. And he says, 'Good luck now, motherf---er!' And he leaves and you have an orgasm for 15 minutes while your eyeballs fall out of your head."
Judging from the intensity — not to mention the contact high — of Phishheads, Carey's experience sounds about par for the course. And while being edged for four days straight sounds like actual hell, the feeling of something never coming to an end is also the perfect metaphor for a Phish song.
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