Chrissy Teigen apologized (again) for her "awful, awful" old tweets about Courtney Stodden. The model, who has been silent on social media since her last mea culpa, condemned her old online behavior in a lengthy blog post.
"It has been a VERY humbling few weeks," Teigen began on Medium. "I know I've been quiet, and lord knows you don’t want to hear about me, but I want you to know I’ve been sitting in a hole of deserved global punishment, the ultimate 'sit here and think about what you’ve done.' Not a day, not a single moment has passed where I haven't felt the crushing weight of regret for the things I've said in the past."
Stodden recalled to The Daily Beast last month how she was mocked by celebrities as a teenager when she married actor Doug Hutchinson, 34 years her senior. She claimed Teigen "would privately DM me and tell me to kill myself." Teigen apologized, but professional repercussions have been swift.
Teigen, 35, said she's in the process of privately apologizing to other people she insulted on social media.
"There is simply no excuse for my past horrible tweets. My targets didn't deserve them. No one does. Many of them needed empathy, kindness, understanding and support, not my meanness masquerading as a kind of casual, edgy humor," she wrote. "I was a troll, full stop. And I am so sorry."
The Cravings author said she was "insecure" and "immature" online because she thought she "needed to impress strangers to be accepted."
"If there was a pop culture pile-on, I took to Twitter to try to gain attention and show off what I at the time believed was a crude, clever, harmless quip. I thought it made me cool and relatable if I poked fun at celebrities," Teigen wrote. "Now, confronted with some of the things that I said, I cringe to my core."
Teigen claimed she "wasn't mean in everyday life," but ignored red flags about her problematic behavior online.
"I'm telling you this for context, not seeking or deserving any sympathy. There's no justification for my behavior. I'm not a victim here. The subjects of your sympathy — and mine — should be those I put down," she continued. "The truth is, I’m no longer the person who wrote those horrible things. I grew up, got therapy, got married, had kids, got more therapy, experienced loss and pain, got more therapy and experienced more life. AND GOT MORE THERAPY."
Teigen, who quit Twitter earlier this year after she was targeted by trolls, said life has made her "more empathetic."
"I'm more understanding of what motivates trolling — the instant gratification that you get from lashing out and clapping back, throwing rocks at someone you think is invincible because they're famous. Also, I know now how it feels to be on the receiving end of incredible vitriol. Believe me, the irony of this is not lost on me," she wrote.
"Everyone deserves better — even my detractors. And better is what you can expect from me. The world needs more kindness and love and I want to contribute to it. I've been on a path of self-improvement for the past decade and that path is going to continue," she added.
Teigen wrote, "we are all more than our worst moments."
"I won't ask for your forgiveness, only your patience and tolerance. I ask that you allow me, as I promise to allow you, to own past mistakes and be given the opportunity to seek self-improvement and change," she concluded.
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