Why I Chose to Have a Double Mastectomy
As told to Caroline Tell.
Samantha Shaw tells Yahoo Beauty about her double mastectomy. (Photo: Jane Houle)
Samantha Shaw is one of those women you could see in a magazine. She has impeccable style, long flowing hair, and a total dream job as the creative content director for Hourglass Cosmetics. However, Shaw also had to face a life-threatening situation that goes way beyond her 34 years. In 2008, she discovered she was a positive carrier of the BRCA 2 mutation with a heightened risk of breast and ovarian cancer. That’s when she took her health into her own hands. Through her story, she’s shown that bravery is beautiful. Here is Shaw’s story in her own words.
In 2008, I discovered that I carried the BRCA mutation. This was the pre-Angelina Jolie days. Unlike most people who go through this with breast cancer or ovarian cancer running in their family, I had never heard of this gene. It’s surprising for anyone to hear, but it was beyond shocking for me. I was so far removed from anything having to do with cancer. It had never been in my vocabulary.
It started when my uncle on my dad’s side got breast cancer — which is pretty rare. That year I went to my father’s house for Thanksgiving with my fiancé. Before we sat down to dinner, my father took me into his office, took out some paperwork and said, ‘Jack has breast cancer. You need to try to get tested, it’s some mutation that you could have.’
I was so thrown off. My father wasn’t prepared to answer any of my questions, so I went home and tried to look it up. There wasn’t a lot out there. At the time the test was very new and very expensive. I went through the approval process and insurance finally covered it. It was the longest three weeks of my life waiting for the results. My father came back positive and so did my cousin.
And then I got the call. Positive. I curled up in a ball on the floor and started sobbing. I was confused. All I could think was, I’m going to die and I don’t have a choice. After the initial shock, I went out and started learning about it. I felt fortunate to live in New York with the access to the best doctors and hospitals and felt lucky to have people to talk to. I went to Sloan Kettering. I went to Cornell [Hospital]. I met with genetic counselors and did the rounds to find out what my options were. The risk was very high with both breast and ovarian cancer. Each hospital suggested different routes to take. A lot of people were saying to have a double mastectomy preemptively. But I was also told that 90 percent of women choose to wait. They get a mammogram once or twice a month and just wait for a lump and deal with it then.
Shaw tells Yahoo Beauty about her double mastectomy. (Photo: Samantha Shaw)
I knew that wasn’t an option. I’ve always had high anxiety and I’m a worrier. I think about things long term and it’s always worst-case scenario. The crazy thing is one counselor said to me, ‘Aren’t you afraid no man will marry you if you’re deformed?’ My jaw dropped. I couldn’t believe someone would think that’s more important than saving my own life. I couldn’t believe that someone would even ask me that, especially someone who was supposed to help me. I walked out in tears. I thought about my options and that if I got a double mastectomy my chance of getting breast cancer would be one percent. That was enough for me.
I had a lot of fears. I worried that I would be mangled and deformed and disgusting and I wouldn’t ever feel like a woman again. But I also knew this was my only option. I liked my boobs just fine but they didn’t represent my femininity or beauty. I was scared of the thought of never wearing a bathing suit or not having my husband think I was attractive, but thankfully, I was never attached to my breasts as a defining part of my body.
After a year of research, I read about some doctors doing a new type of surgery, where they make “elliptical” incisions, cutting under the breast and crease, instead of going through the nipple. Historically in double mastectomies, doctors take everything. But new research showed there had never been an occurrence of breast cancer forming in the nipple as long as the tissue behind it was removed. I found a doctor I felt safe with. He did the incision and left the nipple. He also did immediate reconstruction on me. The only risk was that there was no guarantee of how would they settle or look. I was OK with that.
Shaw threw a ‘Boob Voyage’ party before her surgery. (Photo: Samantha Shaw)
The weekend before the surgery my fiancé and I threw a ‘Boob Voyage’ party. It was a distraction mechanism for my extreme anxiety and high fear level. I was so scared that I could barely function at that point, so it was our attempt to focus on the positive aspect of it, like, ‘Let’s celebrate you killing your boobs before they kill you! Let’s celebrate the fact that you’re not going to die!’ I knew I had a long recovery process ahead of me and wouldn’t see my friends or go out for a while, so it was a good chance to have one last hoorah. We played games like ‘Titty-Twister,’ ‘Pin the Boobs on the Babe,’ and my friend Jess made these amazing red velvet ‘Killer boobies cupcakes’ with mini-axe cake toppers. It ended up being super fun, a great distraction and the words of support from my closest friends made me realize I had a lot to fight for, and a reason to come back from the other side.
Shaw threw a ‘Boob Voyage’ party before her surgery. (Photo: Samantha Shaw)
After the surgery, I woke up feeling like the biggest weight had been lifted off my shoulders. I got a lot out of knowing that I may have made the not-so-common choice—but I took control of my own destiny. I wanted to have kids, and I couldn’t think of anything worse than having a child and then finding out I have cancer. It was the responsible option for me and my family.
I barely even think about my new breasts anymore. They definitely molded to who I am. Before I had B’s, maybe small C’s. I wanted to be waif-like and have perky, little boobs, so I would have been happy with A- cups. I also didn’t want to look like I had fake boobs. They told me I had to do at least the same size as before since they were removing tissue. They looked great afterwards.
My decision to have a double mastectomy was voluntary but my ovaries are a death sentence. It’s a non-negotiable. I need an oophorectomy, which is the removal of my ovaries and fallopian tubes. There is no way to test for Ovarian Cancer without going in. Nine out of ten women find out too late. I’m under the gun because they say age 40 is the cut-off and the earlier the better. In my mind I thought I’d have it done by 35 latest, but I’m 34 now. I have a two-year-old and I fear that if I do the surgery now, then I’ll wish that I had tried for another child when he’s four. Unfortunately I don’t have the luxury of time. I am hoping to do it by 36.
Shaw tells Yahoo Beauty about her double mastectomy. (Photo: Jane Houle)
Ultimately it was empowering in a way, to take control of it and say, “F*** Cancer.” But I’ll see what the next chapter brings. I’m lucky to have done something about it. I’m a firm believer in acknowledging the power of information. I wish I came across more people like me. A lot of women I met just wanted to turn and run. I didn’t.
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