Fact: People are Gross. And These B&B Owners Have the Evidence to Prove It
(Illustration: Ryan McCullah)
Plenty of people dream about quitting their day job, buying that fixer-upper farmhouse, and opening a bed-and-breakfast. Those B&B owners seem so happy. Well, everything isn’t quite as idyllic as it seems. We got one set of innkeepers — “Bob and Emily” — to anonymously spill the beans on what really happens behind those perfectly painted shutters.
This is going to be gross, but these things need to be said. Over the years, we have had guests who arrived sick and a few that departed that way. We’ve seen our share of bodily fluids. We scrub and sanitize and buy fresh gloves; there have been times when hazmat suits would have been a better idea.
You really should have stayed at home. (Photo: Thinkstock)
Keep your snotty nose to yourself. At least clean up after yourself. What’s with people thinking that it’s okay to leave half a box of used tissues scattered all over the floor? This happens more often than you’d think. What kind of person can’t be bothered to throw away their own snot? Even if you’re only suffering from allergies and aren’t contagious, we don’t want to touch those things. It’s why we provide trash cans. And in case you wondered, if you become sick during your stay, we’d rather that you tell us about it so that we can take appropriate measures to protect both ourselves and our housekeeper, not to mention the guests who have your room next.
Our B&B is not a hospital. (Photo: Thinkstock)
We are not a post-surgical care facility. We’ve had a handful of times (that we know of) when someone used our place to recuperate from a procedure of some sort. A few times a guest has clued us in at the time of the reservation, but mostly it’s been a complete surprise to us when the evidence was discovered after check-out. Let us just say that it’s more than a little unsettling when our housekeeper finds empty IV bags on the bed, or even just a recently-dated hospital ID bracelet on the nightstand. We once found a huge pile of tubing and some sort of oversized fluid bags left in the shower. EEEWWW!
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We know he’s cute, but he still shouldn’t be here. (Photo: Thinkstock)
We are not sick-pet friendly. We love animals. But your puking puppy should have stayed at home or at a vet clinic. It takes a serious case of selfishness to bring a sick animal along on your vacation and then check out of a room leaving it soaked in the product of that illness. We’ve had it happen. More than once. Just this past summer we were forced to throw away a mattress after a puppy incident. When the guest was notified of extra clean-up charges (yes, we do that) she was dumbfounded that we threw out the mattress. We were dumbfounded that she and her child had actually stayed in the same room with the mess we found.
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Keep it in the family — and at home. (Photo: Thinkstock)
Family togetherness can go wrong. We once had a family so sick that we had to call the state health agency. An entire family reunion developed a food-borne illness during their stay. We were completely unaware until check-out day arrived and one family member ventured to the office to ask if it was possible for them to stay longer because none of them felt up to traveling. Our state licensing procedure requires us to pass a test on food handling, so we recognized the symptoms and alerted officials. It was determined that the culprit was most likely an appetizer shared at a nearby restaurant the evening they arrived. Officials advised the family to remain at our place for another two days.
Related: We Think You’re Stupid and Other Confessions of a B&B Owner
Germy junior? No thanks! (Photo: Thinkstock)
We are not immune to daycare plagues. We aren’t old, but we are well past the point in our lives of having sick children at home. We are not exposed on a daily basis to the wide range of daycare and preschool illnesses that your family lives with. Children are walking germ machines. If your child has symptoms of anything, we beg you to just stay away.
Related: We Hate Your Kids - and Other Confessions of a B&B Owner
No — thumbs down to that behavior! (Photo: Thinkstock)
Our pool is not a toilet. It’s not news that children do disgusting things in pools. It’s our responsibility to test and chemically treat the water daily to ensure that the disgust doesn’t morph into something communicable. If you bring a child to a pool it’s your responsibility to minimize the problem. Not every parent has a good grasp of their part of that arrangement. Earlier this year a guest came into our office to report an incident she witnessed at the pool. It seems that a little girl had thrown up in the water. Rather than remove the child and inform us, the family simply scooped the chunks out of the water onto the pool deck, then continued with their afternoon swim.
(And just so you know, the now-debunked myth about getting cramps and possibly drowning if you go swimming too soon after a meal probably originated by a hotel owner that was tired of cleaning up chunks.)
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