The Funniest (and Scariest) Air Traffic Control Conversations
The conversations between pilots and air traffic control can get downright hilarious. (Photo: Thinkstock)
Listening to conversations between pilots and air traffic control can feel like trying to understand a foreign language.
The use of confusing coordinates and airport codes is enough to make your head spin, and most of the conversations contain technical and mundane chatter.
But if you listen carefully, there are some conversations worthy of an HBO stand-up comedy special.
The forum on Airline Pilot Central highlights some of the hilarious interactions overheard by other pilots. By asking the question, “What’s the funniest thing you have ever heard over the radio?,” the thread highlights miscommunications and jokes that might leave you wondering how safe you really are in the air.
Related: On-Duty Air Traffic Controller Found Passed-Out Drunk
For example, one flight instructor shared the story of a student who was on his first solo cross-country trip. Air traffic control asked, “Cessna XXX, say altitude,” and instead of replying with his elevation, the young pilot simply replied, “Altitude.”
One pilot shared the slightly terrifying story of a conversation he had with an air traffic controller (ATC). After fumbling a line, the ATC replied that “his tongue stopped working because he drank too much coffee.” Those aren’t exactly comforting words from a person responsible for directing planes.
Some of the exchanges sound like a skit of “Who’s on first,” with confused pilots trying to make sense of the sometimes cryptic airport lingo. User USMCFLYR shared this exchange:
N1234: “Affirmative. I am a flight of two.”
KTMB Air Traffic Control: “N1234, I only see one of you.”
N1234: “Of course you only see one. My cabin windows are tinted. There are two of us in here.”
KTMB Air Traffic Control: “N1234, ‘a flight of two’ means there are two aircraft.”
N1234: “How could I fly two planes?”
KTMB Air Traffic Control: “N1234, ‘a flight of two’ means there are two aircraft and one pilot is talking for both aircraft.”
N1234: “No. There is just my plane, with two people inside.”
Ultimately, traffic control was able to explain what a ‘flight of two” meant, and adjusted the pilot’s flight plan.
Related: Scary or Awesome?— Virtual Air Traffic Control Is Now a Thing
And then there is the potty humor that makes us all feel like middle school students. User Phteven posted this exchange:
Seattle Approach: Kenmore 3303 cleared visual 13R, you’re following a G200. I’d say “caution, wake turbulence,” but G200’s are pretty small.
Execjet 703: It’s not the size that counts!
And finally, this post by fireman0174 shares the hilarious (and slightly offensive) exchange between a female ATC and a male pilot. After calling the pilot three or four times without a response, the ATC gets agitated.
ATC: “Airline 123, are you listening to me?”
Pilot: “Yes ma’am, we hear you.”
ATC: (Sarcastically) I called you 3-4 times and you didn’t respond. Listen up!”
Pilot: “I’m sorry, ma’am — you sounded so much like my wife I was just naturally ignoring you.”
After a 15-second pause, a male controller comes on and says, “Roger Airline 123, I understand.”
How rude!
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