How to Pretend You've Seen These 10 Classic Movies
You're at a party talking to someone you don't know very well. They make a pop culture reference you don't recognize. You're not prepared to fake it, so for just a moment, your face registers your confusion...at which point this new acquaintance says, horrified, "Wait...you haven't seen The Godfather?!"
Here it goes again: If you say no, you'll get that righteous shaming that comes down every time you admit you just haven't had the chance (or maybe the patience) to sit through this paragon of American cinema. If only you could just lie, recite a different Godfather quote and move on with the conversation!
If this all sounds familiar, you know that certain films are considered sacred to the general movie-going public. Whether they are well regarded for their masterful execution by filmmakers and film buffs, or just feel-good fuzzies that people saw when they were younger and dig out when they need a boost, to admit you don't share fans' deep, visceral emotions about these movies is to basically insult the laws of nature in their eyes.
But hey, you're busy. You've got better things to do than sit around and waste umpteen hours on Netflix, not because you want to, but just because you don't want to be embarrassed by strangers at parties. Nobody has time for that nonsense. We understand - and we fully endorse the telling of a few white lies, with the aid of the below cheat sheet, to make sure you can get through those encounters unscathed...while still living your damn life. Here's everything you need to know to get by without actually having these 10 beloved classics.
The Breakfast Club (1985)
In a Nutshell: Five students from vastly different high school cliques spend a Saturday in detention and encounter the hazards of stereotyping as they slowly learn more about each other.
Most Famous Scene: Either the scene where the five sneak out of the library and go running and sliding through the halls avoiding their nemesis, Vernon, and other random school employees; or the final scene when they leave detention, Brian narrates the letter they've all co-written that declares them individuals (and the "Breakfast Club"), and Bender (Judd Nelson) fist-pumps as he crosses the football field
Classic Quote: "Don't mess with the bull, young man. You'll get the horns." – Vice Principal Vernon, who is overseeing detention (only checking on them occasionally), warning the kids not to act up.
Why It'll Come Up in Conversation: It's a John Hughes movie, so, duh.
Too Late to Catch Up? Eh, you can get the gist with a YouTube clip or two.
When Harry Met Sally (1989)
In a Nutshell: Harry (Billy Crystal) and Sally (Meg Ryan) do their best over the years to keep their friendship platonic, even after sleeping together...but that plan doesn't work out so well (they end up together, obviously).
Most Famous Scene: Sally proves to Harry over lunch at Katz's Deli that men cannot tell when women are faking an orgasm by actually (very loudly) faking an orgasm in the middle of the restaurant.
Classic Quote: "I'll have what she's having." - a woman (the director Rob Reiner's mother!) at Katz's, after witnessing Sally's fake orgasm
Why It'll Come Up in Conversation: It's a classic New York movie (not to mention the quintessential Nora Ephron/Rob Reiner film), so if you're friends with New Yorkers or sappy romantics (not to mention journalists - Sally is one), you'll definitely encounter it.
Too Late to Catch Up? You can skip it if you're not a big fan of late '80s/early '90s romantic comedies. Backwards ideas about gender roles abound (plus, Harry is a huge mansplainer - not as charming in 2016).
The Godfather (I) (1972)
In a Nutshell: It's the story of how Michael Corleone (Al Pacino) rises from youngest son of boss Vito Corleone (Marlon Brando) to mafia don in the Corleone crime family in '40s-'50s New York City.
Most Famous Scene: Fairly early in the film, a studio executive who refuses to give Vito's singer godson Johnny Fontane a major Hollywood role wakes up one morning to find his favorite horse's severed head tucked into bed with him.
Classic Quotes:
"I'm gonna make him an offer he can't refuse." - Vito, re: aforementioned studio exec, assuring his godson he'll get him the acting role he wants.
"Leave the gun. Take the cannolis." - Vito's capo Clemenza to underling Rocco after he kills Paulie, one of his once-loyal soldiers, for helping plan a hit on Vito.
Why It'll Come Up in Conversation: America not-so-secretly loves the mafia, and this trilogy is filled with perfect representations of American masculinity. (It's also referenced in other movies constantly, most recently in Disney's Zootopia.)
Too Late to Catch Up? No. These are quintessential American films and they explain a lot about "classic" cinema (especially re: the Coppola family).
Star Wars: A New Hope (1977)
In a Nutshell: Luke Skywalker, an orphan raised on the planet Tatooine, meets one of the last Jedis (basically knights with the ability to sense and use "The Force" via lightsabers), the old man Obi-Wan Kenobi; learns his father was a Jedi, too, and was "killed" by Darth Vader, a former Jedi who turned to the "Dark Side" of the Force; and with the help of smugglers Han Solo and Chewbacca, must help Princess Leia and the Rebel Alliance destroy the (evil) Galactic Empire's Death Star before they can destroy another planet with it.
Most Famous Scene: Luke, Leia, Han, and Chewbacca get stuck in an eel-infested garbage compactor on the Death Star and the somewhat incompetent droid C-3PO must find the "off" switch to save them.
Classic Quotes (besides "use the Force, Luke," since that's a given):
"I have a very bad feeling about this." - Luke, Han, and Leia (and later, other characters in the franchise) all say this at various points in the story
"That's no moon." - Obi-Wan Kenobi, seeing the Death Star for the first time
Why It'll Come Up in Conversation: I think you know why.
Too Late to Catch Up? With the number of Star Wars movies still in the pipeline over the next few years, it's safe to say you've still got some time.
The Princess Bride (1987)
In a Nutshell: The story, read by a grandfather to his grandson (Fred Savage) on a sick day, of a farm girl, Buttercup (played by gawddess Robin Wright in her damsel days), who is chosen to wed the horrible prince Humperdinck. Buttercup undergoes a series of kidnappings and rescues, by a trio of incompetent criminals (played by Wallace Shawn, Andre the Giant, and Mandy Patinkin), by Humperdinck and his men, and of course, by her true love, a stable boy-turned-pirate, Westley (Cary Elwes).
Most Famous Scene: Vizzini (Shawn's criminal "mastermind") and Westley partake in a "battle of wits" for possession of the princess, in which the latter tells the former he's poisoned one glass of wine, and he must choose which glass to drink. Vizzini attempts to trick Westley by swapping them when he's not looking, but Westley wins anyway because they're both poisoned and he's built up an immunity.
Classic Quotes:
"Inconceivable!" - Vizzini's catchphrase (said with a lisp)
"Hello. My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die." - Inigo Montoya's catchphrase, long planned then delivered upon meeting Humperdinck's right-hand man, who (you guessed it) killed his father.
"Mawwage! Mawwage is what bwings us togevah today." - the priest at Buttercup and Humperdinck's wedding
Why It'll Come Up in Conversation: It's essentially a self-aware storybook fairy tale infused with Monty Python humor, which means people love to quote it endlessly (and safely, in mixed company).
Too Late to Catch Up? No, The Princess Bride is always worth a watch.
Pulp Fiction (1994)
In a Nutshell: It's a noir black comedy comprised of a series of vignettes all centered around the lives of those associated with gangster Marcellus Wallace (Ving Rhames) - his hitmen Jules (Samuel L. Jackson) and Vincent (John Travolta), his wife Mia (Uma Thurman), a down-on-his-luck boxer he attempts to bribe to throw a fight (Bruce Willis) - plus a Bonnie-and-Clyde-style couple of small-time criminals who call each other Pumpkin and Hunny Bunny, in early 1990s Los Angeles.
Most Famous Scene: Either the one where Jules and Vincent kill a bro named Brett and his friends for ripping off Wallace - but not before taunting them and eating their fast food; or the one where Vincent has to stab Mia in the heart with a massive needle full of adrenaline after she swipes and overdoses on his high-potency cocaine.
Classic Quotes:
On the way to Brett's apartment, Jules and Vincent have a whole conversation about how a Quarter Pounder with Cheese at McDonald's in France (where they use the metric system) is called a "Royale with Cheese."
"Does he look...like a bitch?!" - Jules re: Wallace, shouting at Brett before killing him
Why It'll Come Up in Conversation: Apart from the violence, foul language, clever small talk, and extremely stylized aesthetic (all cornerstones of Quentin Tarantino's films), Pulp Fiction is one of the greatest movies ever made about Los Angeles.
Too Late to Catch Up? Never. This movie is eternal.
Fight Club (1999)
In a Nutshell: An unnamed corporate drone (Edward Norton) hates his life and consumerism until he meets a seemingly lawless dude named Tyler Durden (Brad Pitt) who shows him an exciting underground world of a fight club-turned-guerilla anti-capitalist terrorist group...until (spoiler!) he discovers Durden is a figment of his imagination and he's been the leader of the group all along.
Most Famous Scene: Either the one where Tyler throws (flesh-burning) lye on the narrator's hand and holds him as he struggles to teach him(self) a lesson in real, live pain; or the one at the end where the narrator and Marla Singer (Helena Bonham Carter) watch from one skyscraper as several others are blown up by bombs the narrator and his psychotic followers have set up ("Where is My Mind?" by the Pixies is the soundtrack).
Classic Quotes:
"The first rule of Fight Club is, you do not talk about Fight Club. The second rule of Fight Club is, you do not talk about Fight Club."
"I am Jack's smirking revenge/wasted life/complete lack of surprise." - the narrator's repeated catchphrase (he's embodying his own feelings)
Why It'll Come Up in Conversation: Straight. White. Bros. Love. This. Movie. (Honestly surprising that Bernie Bros have not yet attempted to co-opt this movie.)
Too Late to Catch Up? Why would you even want to? The buildings-blowing-up scene is pretty spectacular, but this movie debuted two years before 9/11, which took any remaining shred of fun out of it.
Mad Max: Fury Road (2015)
In a Nutshell: The wives of Immortan Joe - a deformed tyrant fashioning himself a god in the post-apocalyptic Australian desert, complete with a deranged religion, organized human breeding, and exclusive power over a desert civilization's water supply - led by badass rebel trucker Imperator Furiosa (Charlize Theron) and pursued by Joe and his allies, escape captivity in a tanker to seek out "the green place," a storied, female-governed Eden.
Most Famous Scene: The film is all basically one big, nonstop scene, but... Immortan Joe's search party includes hundreds of "War Boys" - malnourished/cancerous, painted-white men and boys who vehemently believe in Joe's demented dogma - and as they gain on Furiosa and Co. initially, it's revealed that one of their many war trucks is just a giant wall of speakers fronted by a blind, grizzled War Boy jamming out on an electric guitar.
Classic Quotes:
"WITNESS!" - the War Boys, as one (who starts the chant by shouting, "Witness me!") chooses to go kamikaze in battle so as to gain entrance to Valhalla. The happily suicidal bent of the War Boys is based in Immortan Joe's carefully crafted religion, which "rewards" them for sacrificing themselves in his service.
"I live, I die, I live again!" - another variation on "Witness me!", refers to the supposed immortality of those who gleefully sacrifice themselves in combat. Nux (Nicholas Hoult) says this ad nauseam when trying (failing miserably) to recapture the wives for Joe.
Why It'll Come Up in Conversation: The Mad Max franchise has a rabid following, both for its western-dystopian aesthetic and its excellent action sequences; Fury Road filmed its many stunts using zero CGI. It's also beloved by many feminists for centering The Patriarchy (embodied by Immortan Joe and all the suffering he engenders) as the story's central villain. (Plus, it's very recent.)
Too Late to Catch Up? Of course not, especially if you like explosions/cool stunts and have ever raged about sexism (or men in general).
Citizen Kane (1941)
In a Nutshell: In this iconic story of wealth, power, and hella emotional baggage, reporter Jerry Thompson tracks down people from recently deceased newspaper tycoon Charles Foster Kane's past to determine the meaning of his final word, "Rosebud."
Most Famous Scene: Kane, played by Orson Welles (who also wrote, directed and produced the film), trashes the bedroom of his second wife Susan, who has left him after years of psychological abuse, going berserk until he finds a snowglobe and stops dead, calmly gazing at it and saying the word "rosebud" to himself.
Classic Quote: "Rosebud" - Kane's mysterious final word, which, it turns out, was the name of the sled he owned as a poor kid before he was "adopted" by a rich man
Why It'll Come Up in Conversation: If it does, it'll only be because you're friends with lots of film buffs.
Too Late to Catch Up? No, but make sure you're wide awake before you try this-the plot moves extremely slowly and often without dialogue.
Casablanca (1942)
In a Nutshell: During early World War II, Casablanca bar owner Rick (Humphrey Bogart) is blindsided by the unexpected arrival of his once-lover Ilsa (Ingrid Bergman) and her Czech Resistance leader husband Laszlo (whom Ilsa had thought dead when she and Rick had had an affair in Paris the year prior; she abandoned Rick without explanation when she found out Laszlo was alive) but must help the pair escape the Nazis to still-neutral America.
Most Famous Scene: The final scene where Rick reveals to Ilsa that instead of letting her stay with him in Casablanca (and risk getting captured by the Nazis), he's putting her on the plane with her husband Laszlo; convinces her that it's all for the best; and says goodbye in the most "classic Bogart" style possible.
Classic Quotes:
"Of all the gin joints, in all the towns, in all the world, she walks into mine." - Rick, lamenting Ilsa's sudden appearance in the beginning (he's still bitter and hurt that she abandoned him in Paris)
"We'll always have Paris," and "Here's looking at you, kid." - Rick, saying goodbye to Ilsa
"Louis, I think this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship." - Rick, to Louis Renault, after Laszlo and Ilsa's plane has flown and Renault has indicated he won't charge Rick for letting them escape (it's the final line of the movie)
Why It'll Come Up in Conversation: Usually gets quoted in conversations about relationships and exes that make people feel some type of way.
Too Late to Catch Up? Not if you (a) like old movies, and/or (b) like learning about WWII.
