How To Dress Like a Dominatrix, Minus the Dungeon
Photo: Bryan Adams/Trunk Archive
BDSM is all the rage right now thanks to a little story called 50 Shades of Grey. Suddenly feeling the urge to don a studded collar? Invest in a leather bra? We get it. But the mainstream’s always been dom-curious. Fashion (and Madonna!) has consistently mined fetish for inspiration, from Helmut Newton shooting corset-clad amazons to Carine Roitfeld’s frequent forays into whips, chains, and leather. The look screams both power and taboo. But how does fashion’s interpretation measure up to the real thing? I chatted with a few professional dominatrices—aka pro-dommes—about the clothes they wear to work and the secret signifiers that send a message about your proclivities to others in the community. Then I asked a fashion stylist how to make them work without looking like you just walked out of a dungeon.
CORSETS/BUSTIERS
Steam Trunk Axis Corset, $80, Fiveanddiamond
When you think of a dominatrix, this is likely the first image that pops into your mind. According to Kitty Stryker, an adult actress and porn director who was also a professional domme for many years, the corset is a mainstay. “You basically dress in such a way that it’s femme armor, indicating ‘You don’t have access to my body,’” she explains. “That’s a typical thing.”
Corsets obviously aren’t work-appropriate. Stylist Sally Lyndley says to balance the blatant sex with tomboyish pieces. “Wear a Brooks Brothers button-down shirt and leave it unbuttoned a bit,” she suggests. “Wear something super masculine and have [the lingerie] poking out.” (Also an option: Stryker notes that she’s worn jeans and Converse to sessions. “Look, I’m the dominant so I’m going to wear what I want!” she hilariously explains.)
Domme-Appropriate:
Black Leather Underbust Corset, $27.99, FashionCorsets.com
Fashion:
Bond Girl Bodysuit, $48, Nasty Gal
CHOKERS
Leather Strand Necklace, $45, Cos
Chokers are often associated with BDSM, but it’s the type of choker you wear that tells the world whether you’re a domme or a sub. Mistress Fushia, a pro-domme who also designs her own line of BDSM-inflected clothes, explains the subtleties. “A sub collar would be an O-ring collar, the type that has the big circle ring in the front,” she says. “That way you could clip it to a leash and guide them around. Not to say that dommes out there never wear them for style reasons, but generally they are something subs wear. Some people will specifically gift their sub one of these collars, which marks them as owned by the dominant.”
Lyndley says that accessories are the easiest way to bring the look into your wardrobe. “Mix accessories like a collar with things that are really feminine and soft,” she recommends.
Domme-Appropriate:
Leather Collar With O-Ring, $46, Goodvibes.com
Wearable Fetish:
Jakimac O-Ring Leather Choker, $28, Nasty Gal
THE “O” RING
Story of O Slave Ring, $66-$760 depending on material, Fetjeweller.com
The Story of O, written in 1954 by French author Anne Desclos under the pen name Pauline Réage, is sort of the OG 50 Shades of Grey, except much higher quality. According to Stryker, the ring that O wears in the 1975 movie version of the story is now a classic. “It’s a very subtle indicator of submission,” she says. “You could wear it and no one would really notice.” It’s also a pretty gorgeous design, and easy to come by on Etsy.
CUFFS
Leather Cuffs, $62, Lovecrave.com
Obviously no domme worth her flogger would be caught dead without cuffs on her wrist. Luckily, they’re one of the easiest things to work into your wardrobe. “They end up looking quite cool just as a bracelet,” Lyndley says. She says she often hits up sex shops for leather belts, cuffs, and bracelets to use in shoots.
Wearable Fetish:
BlueBella Tie Cuffs, $29.90, Asos
Fashion:
Hermés Collier de Chien cuff, prices vary, available in stores or on eBay at your own risk
HARNESSES
Zana Bayne Corset Laced Shoulder Harness, $295, Opening Ceremony
Used for suspension or restraint, the harness is a practical accessory in the world of BDSM, but it’s also been having a moment in fashion. Zana Bayne, who designs actual harnesses and harness-inspired garments and just unveiled a capsule collection with Marc Jacobs, is the queen of the elevated, wearable truss. (Gwen Stefani wears one of her designs on the cover of the March issue of Cosmopolitan.) Lyndley recommends wearing a harness over something simple, like a white or black blouse with jeans. And a word of advice from her if you’re going to wear one with a dress, which is a lot of look: “It has to be more of a form-fitting dress than something looser because it’s going to get all bunchy or crazy.”
Domme-Appropriate:
5-Point Leather Bondage Harness, $110, Etsy
Wearable Fetish:
Faux Leather Harness, $10.90, Forever21
BOOTS
Saint Laurent Lace Up Leather Knee Boots, $1495, Net-a-Porter
“For most sessions I usually wear knee-high leather stiletto boots with a three- inch platform to give myself an imposing height,” Mistress Fushia says. “I like to create a look that is unusual, larger than life, and dangerous.” Because that look is potentially dangerous to you and those around you (when you go careening off the top step of the subway, for example), Lyndley suggests looking for a more toned-down version—like something by Rick Owens, for example—without the platform. She also likes to wear “leather mama” boots with an unexpected outfit, like a pencil skirt with a sweater.
Domme-Appropriate:
Pleaser Indulge Boot, $91.90, Shoebuy.com
Wearable Fetish:
Guess Dandra Foldable Over-the-Knee Boot, $148.95, Nordstrom
SHEER
Frederica Netting Dress by Patrice Catanzaro, $78, Pleasurements.com
See-through clothing can be appropriate for both subs and dommes. Mistress Fushia sometimes likes to wear “tight mesh,” but says her subs are often naked “because of the power element of having me fully clothed.” Stryker says it’s often about what subs aren’t wearing, like going without underwear or wearing a blouse through which you can see nipples. The kind of thing that’d get you kicked off Instagram, for example
Wearable Fetish:
Shiny Mesh Button Up Dress, $30, American Apparel
Fashion:
Silence + Noise Sheer Mesh Tee, $39, Urban Outfitters
LEATHER/LATEX GARMENTS
Topshop Textured Wet Look Leggings, $40, Nordstrom
Nothing says fetish quite like shiny leather and latex, even if they aren’t the most practical fabrics. “Latex and leather are fine materials for clothing, but after hours of working with a client in a warm dungeon they get gross,” Mistress Fushia says. “I prefer to keep those materials to smaller items like gloves and corsets.” Leather is everywhere in mainstream fashion now, so it’s not hard to make it work in real life. Lyndley recommends leather leggings like Isabel Marant’s now cult-favorites and leather dresses in classic shapes. Bonus tip: To care for leather garments, Mistress Fushia recommends emu oil or ArmorAll leather wipes.
Domme-Appropriate:
Bound Beauty Dress, $249.59, The Baroness
Fashion:
The Row Fitted V-Neck Leather Dress, $2990, Bergdorf Goodman
GLOVES/MASKS/HOODS
Karl Lagerfeld Chain Embellished Leather Fingerless Gloves, $125, Net-a-Porter
Whether you’re a dominatrix or a preschool teacher, one rule applies to both: Accessories really finish off an outfit. Mistress Fushia likes short leather gloves or latex opera gloves, and she has a favorite oversize leather officer’s cap. Sometimes subs are made to wear masks or hoods. All of these things—well, maybe not a full-on Gimp hood—can work with your everyday outfits. Lyndley recommends trying black leather driving gloves.
Domme-Appropriate:
Bondage Blindfold, $21.99, LeatherEtc.com
Wearable Fetish:
Eugenia Kim Cashmere & Wool Cap, $240, Saks Fifth Avenue
Related:
'Fifty Shades of Grey' Star Dakota Johnson Covers 'Vogue'
Watch SNL’s Vanessa Bayer Seduce ’50 Shades Of Grey’-style For An Audi
