After My First Marriage Ended, I Wanted My Second Wedding to Be Perfect
My first wedding took place New Year's Eve of 1999. It was comprised of every syllable in the word mistake.
I dated my first husband throughout my senior year of high school. In total we dated for seven months. He proposed to me right before before I graduated high school, and so, I stood in my high school hallway and squealed with other girls about being engaged.
I had no idea what commitment, marriage, or being a partner really meant.
But I left home, and moved in with him right after graduation. After a volatile fight, he accused of me not wanting to marry him. I told him I did and would marry him. I thought we loved each other and feared losing his love.
I proceeded to call marriage chapels and I found one with an opening. They even offered honeymoon cabins as part of the arrangement. I gathered together all the money I had saved while working as a waitress, and the next morning we headed across the West Virginia state line on our way to Gatlinburg, Tennessee.
We arrived at the honeymoon cabin, checked in and laughed at the Y2K warning (yes) asking us not to use the fireplace to cook food. Nothing prepared us for what the next day actually meant.
The next morning, I went dress shopping alone. After two hours, none of the rental dresses fit quite right. I left feeling devastated, but my first husband and I were determined and headed to an outlet mall. There, I would buy a cream-colored suit. I remember feeling too young to wear such grown-up attire.
We waited in line for 20 minutes at the local county office and signed a piece paper. As all of this happened, I clumsily tucked the price tags to my suit up into my sleeve and hoped they wouldn't show in the photographs. After our ceremony, I returned the suit. We needed the money to eat and get back to home after our honeymoon.
As fast as we were married, it ended. I stayed married for only four months before I filed for divorce. Our relationship was riddled with issues, leaving me feeling like I should have never said yes.
It would be another two and a half years before I met the man I really wanted to marry. They say you know immediately when you find your other half, and the people who say this are right. I knew I had found my one.
The man I fell in love with asked me to marry him after dating for only eight months. I denied his first proposal. I still needed to heal from the severity of my first marriage.
I loved this man and wanted to spend the rest of my life with him, but I didn't want to rush into things again. I wanted to know this man before I married him. But what I didn't know is that he wouldn't ask me to marry him again for another nine years.
After dating for five years, I started proposing to him. Each time, he would tell me that he wasn't sure or he wasn't ready. It became a contentious point in our relationship.
But I saw a kind man who stuck by me on my worst days. I saw an intelligent person who loved literature, a passion we both share. I saw the man I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. The man who would become the father to my child. So when he finally proposed, I said yes and prepared for my second wedding. This time, I was going to do it right.
After my first marriage, I remember how I cried when I saw women wearing real wedding dresses. I remembered my suit and how I didn't even get a chance to hang it in my closet. I wanted to wear a real wedding dress for my second wedding, one that I wouldn't have to return.
This time, as I stood in front of the women I love and admire, I felt like this was the way I wanted wedding dress shopping to be - joyous, memorable. Not rushing to buy an ill-fitted suit.
I also didn't have to run away this time. My husband and I were married in our hometown at an intimate evening ceremony. We kept the guest list small, as we only wanted to be surrounded by our closest friends and family. My first wedding was empty.
The first time, my husband and I went to a steak house after we got married and dined alone. But my second wedding had a real cake - three tiers covered in buttercream frosting with a fleur-de-lis cake topper. For one evening, I floated around in a champagne-colored satin gown with intricate lace and sequin details on top of gold glittered heels. I married my soul mate and my best friend.
Compared to the loneliness of my first wedding, my second wedding can be recalled as the sweetest night of my life. Everything I lost in my first marriage, I regained in my second. This time around, I wanted to celebrate a union. To honor the start of our lives together and to acknowledge the family and friends who helped get us there. I didn't have those things the first time I got married. This time, the people I loved the most sat before us and watched me have one very special do-over in life. Those moments don't happen very often.
