What First Dates Are Really Like Across the Country
The premise of a first date-you meet a stranger, you see how you feel-sounds simple, but there can be so much angst. The advent of dating apps has taken a lot of the anxiety away, allowing love-seekers to head into a date feeling confident that something's already clicked, and the 2014 launch of Bumble switched up the game even more, letting the ladies call the shots on meeting up (women looking for women means either interested party can make the first move). Over the past two years, women have initiated more than 125 million conversations on the app, leading us to wonder: What happens after the hello? Below, a snapshot of what the nationwide dating scene looks like according to ELLE.com readers.
Northeast
"An average first date is definitely drinks, and when the bill comes, my dates always insist on paying. Everything is so casual that women are feeling more and more comfortable asking a guy to grab drinks after work, compared to years ago when it may have been looked 'desperate' for a woman to ask a man on a date." -Kayla, 21, New York City
"Most people aren't asked for dinner unless they've previously met for drinks-there's not much creativity. The dating scene in Philly is super casual and goes between guys asking girls out and girls asking guys out." -Cara, 25, Philadelphia
The standards for an ideal partner in D.C. mostly have to do with your job and how many degrees you have.
"The dating scene in D.C. right now is heavily app-based, so the first date is typically the first time you're seeing each other face to face. D.C. has a huge commuter population, so if he's willing to come in from the 'burbs on a weekend, he's already making a good impression. The standards for an ideal partner in D.C. mostly have to do with your job and how many degrees you have. These topics will most definitely come up in conversation on a first date. Getting past those points quickly typically means a date is going well for me." -Prasana, 30, Washington, D.C.
"I am never asked to go to the movies or dinner; it's usually just drinking. The traditional elements like a gentleman picking you up, bringing you flowers, and opening your car door does not happen." -Hannah, 22, Boston
"Dating varies by season. During the summer, it's more common for people to go out for happy hour directly after work, and a date is usually at a rooftop bar or a light dinner. During the winter, people are more likely to meet at a wine bar or restaurant later in the evening." -Kelsey, 22, New York City
"A typical first date in New York City is at a bar, after work on a weeknight. Not a dive bar, but not somewhere with $18 cocktails, either."-–Lauren, 34, Queens, New York
"The dating scene in Philly is pretty nontraditional. There are so many social events going on that it's not just getting drinks at happy hour. Sporting games are common, so getting to know someone over bar food is a great option, but there are other things like ice skating, Longwood Gardens, or breweries that allow for some creative dates." -Emily, 24, Philadelphia
Pacific Northwest
"In San Francisco, people want to meet for a quick drink and see how that goes, then schedule a second date-dinner or some fun activity-if the night goes well. I've had an experience where I somehow ended up paying for both of our meals and drinks and didn't get a thank-you or any offer to pay for their half." -Ilana, 24, San Francisco
There is definitely a sense that the old-fashioned date is lost in the new dating scene. I think a lot of girls want that back.
"Coffee is usually the go-to date because it's a relaxed environment to get to know the other person, it's cheap, and it keeps the relationship casual. [I'm in college and] on my campus there's a strong sense of feminism, so the girls often feel that they have the same right to initiate a date, pick up the guy for the date, and pay for the date. There is definitely a sense that the old-fashioned date is lost in the new dating scene, and I think some girls want that back." -Ari, 20, Eugene, OR
"There are a lot of breweries here, so it's pretty common to do a date at one. Generally, first dates seem to be meeting at a bar for a drink, which is like the 'screening test' before actually spending time and money on someone. Men who are born and raised in the Pacific Northwest tend to be not as straightforward as East Coasters I've met." -Karen, 31, Portland, OR
Southeast
"Most of the first dates that I've been on were either lunch or dinner dates. I've been on a first date with the 'Southern gentleman' type who got out of the car and opened the door for me." -Nicole, 22, Athens, GA
Call me old-school, but I refuse to kiss on the first date. I think most people do, though.
"What you do depends on the level of interest. If you've been texting for a bit and it's going well, dinner is ideal. If it's more recent, happy hour is less intimidating. I live on the water, so paddleboarding is a good date idea-it's active, so no awkward silences. Call me old-school, but I refuse to kiss on the first date. I think most people do, though." -Tara, 27, West Palm Beach, FL
"A classic first date of dinner and drinks can turn into an extraordinary experience. Restaurants match an amazing meal with live music, and if you want to kick it up a notch, people usually head to Frenchman Street, located in the Marigny. The street is a strip of bars and clubs that regularly house the best of the best New Orleans jazz musicians. Most people turn to dating apps and work to meet people. Roles are pretty equal: If you show interest, you ask the other person out-and pay for the date." -Hannah, 24, New Orleans
"Happy-hour drinks is probably the most common, sometimes dinner. People are starting to meet up at the designated location rather than the man picking them up, especially if it's drinks after work." -Cornelia, 22, San Antonio
The average first date includes getting drinks. A lot of people feel more comfortable if there is alcohol involved.
"The average first date is either getting coffee or going out to dinner. Coffee is usually very casual, and can be more of an ice breaker and not always received as an actual 'date.' Going out to dinner is usually more official. Depending on if I've met the person before, then they'll pick me up, otherwise I just meet them out. Usually the initiation still comes from the guy, but it isn't unusual for the girl to initiate." -Kaley, 21, Raleigh, NC
Southwest
"Workout dates are big in L.A. People ask to meet at yoga or go on hikes. Guys think it takes a little pressure off and if it's a bust, at least you got a workout in!" -Danielle, 25, Los Angeles
Workout dates are big in L.A. If it's a bust, at least you got a workout in.
"The average first date is either going to dinner or getting drinks after work, sometimes maybe even an outdoorsy activity like a hike. I think dating is much more casual now and a lot of it comes from social media and dating apps. Women's and men's roles are becoming less concrete in terms of dating. I've found myself making the first move." -Jennifer, 22, Los Angeles
"If you're meeting online or it's a setup, it's usually just drinks or a coffee, but I leave my schedule free after. Hikes are great if you already have a sense that you like the person-it gives you a really significant period of time to get to know each other and crack the next level." -Stefani, 31, Los Angeles
"I've noticed that men are asking me to do more adventurous things like hiking and skiing. The biggest date idea was definitely going to a concert. Colorado has a great music scene!" –Samantha, 22, Denver
Midwest
"My first real date with my boyfriend was at a restaurant in downtown Indy. I actually initiated the relationship. I went up to him and introduced myself and showed my interest and he closed, but I like to say that I sparked our relationship." -Sydney, 22, Indianapolis
"The average first date includes getting drinks. A lot of people feel more comfortable if there is alcohol involved. The dating scene is less traditional than our parents' generation. Oftentimes the girl expects the boy to initiate, but boys expect to receive effort back-you can't rely on the other person to start all the conversations." -Ashley, 22, Chicago
I don't think creativity comes into play until the second or third date, because at that point you know that you're at least attracted to one another, so there's a little more incentive to impress.
"Drinks seems to be the way to go for a first-time meeting, and it's usually a weeknight thing if it's someone you met on an app. I don't think creativity comes into play until the second or third date, because at that point you know that you're at least attracted to one another, so there's a little more incentive to impress." -Danielle, 25, Chicago
"Dates are more like a night going out rather than a fancy night at a restaurant. Girls nowadays are happy to make the first move. The old-fashioned way of the man picking the woman up has definitely changed, and people meet halfway or closer to the girl-if he's a good guy." -Kylie, 23, Chicago
I've been out with men who already have their coffee on the table when I arrive.
"Men typically suggest 'grabbing a drink' but are willing to do something different when I suggest an activity. I've been out with men who hold open doors, insist on paying, pick me up, suggest a location near my apartment, etc. However, I've also been out with an equal number of men who already have their coffee on the table when I arrive and don't offer to get me one. The most frustrating thing about dating is the lack of initiative on the man's part. So I tend to be super up-front and honest with what I expect and want when it comes to online dating-what's there to lose?" -Kimmy, 30, Chicago
"I feel like dating has become a bit more causal overall. Of course, you still have the few guys that still want to pick you up, but I feel like that's rare and only happens in smaller cities where people still have cars. And usually on a first date, if it's going well especially, I feel like the guy tries to pay. I usually insist on splitting-sometimes that works, sometimes it doesn't." -Jenna, 25, Cincinnati
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