Is This Engaged Maid of Honor About to Start a Bride War?
A bride shared on Reddit this week that her maid of honor decided to schedule her own wedding a week before hers — a story that that sounds an awful lot like the makings of a sequel to Bride Wars (although at least these weddings are a week apart and not on the same day, like those bridezillas played by Anne Hathaway and Kate Hudson).
“My (recently engaged) MoH informed me this week that she is planning her wedding exactly one week before mine,” HeadlessPancake wrote in the Wedding Subreddit. “Still a few months out, but I honestly don’t know what to do if anything. I’m just trying not to feel hurt. Any advice?”
A few on the forum reacted with horror.
“Wow, that sucks,” Love_Trust_Hope commented. “Her wedding is definitely going to take time, resources, and efforts away from yours to go to hers. That is really s****y. I’m so sorry.”
But all is not lost, according to etiquette expert Elaine Swann.
“It’s only horrible if it’s going to impact the [original bride’s] wedding,” she tells Yahoo Style. “When we say that it’s someone’s ‘big day,’ we mean their day. It’s not their week, it’s not their month, it’s not their two weeks.”
The maid of honor did the right thing in informing her friend, not asking for permission, Swann says.
“The maid of honor is getting married to her spouse not to [her friend]. It’s less about asking permission and more about politely informing her well enough in advance so the bride can make adjustments if she needs to.”
Those adjustments may include choosing a new maid of honor. It’s reasonable to assume the second bride’s attention may not be quite as focused on her friend as it would have been otherwise. If the bride thinks she’ll need more than her friend can give, Swann says she has every right to reassign the position.
Speaking of bridal parties, it would also be best if the (possibly former) maid of honor can select hers with her friend’s wedding in mind.
“I would most certainly not dip into the same pool of bridesmaids and attendants,” Swann advised. Neither bride should want to make their friends have to choose between them.
Since her original post, HeadlessPancake does seem to be taking this all in stride. “My main concern is that our mutual friends won’t be able to take two weekends off in a row and will have to choose which wedding to attend,” she wrote in reply to a comment. “The other stuff will work itself out and won’t matter in 10 years. Thankfully, I do have time to plan! Thanks!”
If HeadlessPancake sends out her save-the-date cards well enough in advance, hopefully her guests can work out plans to attend two weddings in a row. At high wedding season, and when guests are of a certain age, consecutive invitations are commonplace.
Swann says all the bride can really do is “roll with it” and focus on making her day special for herself and her spouse. “When you’ve been married 10, 15 years, it’s literally just a sentence that you’d say: “Oh, my girlfriend’s wedding anniversary is a week before ours. Big whoop.”
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