What It's Like to Be the Parent of a Redhead
Korin Miller’s son’s bright red hair makes him the center of attention. (Photo: Korin Miller)
“Look at that hair!” That’s usually the first thing my 2-year-old son Miles hears when he meets someone new.
Miles has a crop of orange-red hair and it’s a serious attention-grabber. Women I’ve never met often pop up next to us at the grocery store and say things like, “Ooh — a redhead!” while reaching out to stroke his hair. If Miles has a tantrum in public, strangers will blame his hair, not the fact that he’s a toddler. Well-meaning friends have even made comments about how Miles will probably be bullied when he’s older because of his hair. (Did I mention that he’s only two?) And I’ve heard more “ginger” jokes than I knew existed, from strangers and family alike.
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I get it — his hair is gorgeous, and it’s rare. According to the National Institutes of Health, only about 2 percent of the world’s population has the recessive gene MC1R which is responsible for red hair. Miles also has bright blue eyes, making him a bonafide minority.
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But it makes me a little nervous that so much attention is centered on his hair, not his funny personality, love of music, or impressive ability to spot a school bus from a mile away. What does that mean as my husband and I try to shape him into a good person who isn’t defined by his appearance?
According to sociologist Druann Heckert, PhD, who has conducted research on the stigmatization of redheads, it’s common for people to focus on the color of Miles’ hair. Her research has also found that redheads are often defined by their appearance more than people with other hair colors, so we might be fighting an uphill battle.
“There are a lot of stereotypes about redheads and the media perpetuates them,” she says. Clowns have red hair, which makes redheads seem approachable, she points out, and women who are redheads can also be oversexualized. (Who Framed Roger Rabbit’s Jessica Rabbit and Man Men’s Joan Holloway are just a few examples). On the other hand, society tends to emasculate male redheads.
Heckert also adds that redheaded children are often teased about their hair color. As a result, they usually have lower self-esteem than their peers and feel different than other kids.
What can parents like me do to minimize the damage? According to parenting expert and clinical psychologist Wendy Mogel, PhD, all of the attention from strangers can be used to spark conversations between Miles and me about important life lessons. For example, after someone rushes up to him in a store to talk about his hair, we can discuss why pointing out physical differences that a person didn’t choose and did nothing to achieve is inappropriate, even when intended as a compliment.
The goal is to help Miles understand why people say certain things so he won’t take them personally. Hashing out the issue might also cause him to develop empathy for others and discourage him to make comments like the ones we hear daily.
Finally, Mogel says it’s not a bad idea to talk about high-achieving redheads like Galileo, Thomas Jefferson, Mark Twain, and Ed Sheeran for a “bit of ballast and pride.”
So, am I worried that Miles will eventually be defined because of his hair color? Absolutely, although I’m hopeful that looking different will be cooler by the time he hits middle school. If nothing else, I guess it’s a character builder.
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