'Our Kids Were Bullied:' Parents Share Their Stories
How schools handle bullying isn’t always clear-cut. (Photo: Getty Images)
Right before school let out for the summer, my 6-year-old came home red-faced and furious — a third-grade boy had confronted him in the bathroom.
“You aren’t a boy. Get out of here,” the boy told my son who has long, shaggy blond hair. My son answered that he was, in fact, a boy but the kid grabbed his head and told him to look in the mirror.
“See, there, boys don’t have long hair.”
Since this occurred at the end of the school day, I heard about the incident first. I emailed the principal, the assistant principal, and my son’s teacher, then I waited. And I waited. My son became too scared to use the bathroom between classes, so I emailed again, copying everyone from the superintendent to the board of education. A lawyer finally got back to me and a social worker met with my son. The school also issued an announcement that boys can have long hair and girls can have short hair. Now my son is no longer afraid at school.
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According to the National Education Association (NEA), about one-third of students are bullied each month. Victims are usually children in grades six through ten, however, about 30 percent of all students have either bullied a peer or been a victim of one. “Research shows that consistent intervention procedures can stop bullying behavior over time. Whereas doing nothing at all will make the bullying infinitely worse,” states the NEA website.
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But what exactly are schools doing to stop bullying? Well, it really varies. Ahead, five people share their own experiences with bullying — as a childhood victim or a parent of one — and how it was handled by educators. (Parents declined to provide full names or other identifying information to protect their children).
“When my son Davey was in 8th grade, the assistant principal called to say that he had been fighting. All parties involved were unhurt, but my kid would be facing disciplinary consequences…when Davey came home, he said he was tired of seeing a smaller kid in his class get pushed around every day, and the teacher wouldn’t do anything about it. So he stepped in to make it stop.
I told my son I was proud of him — not for fighting — but for standing up for the rights of others. As punishment, he was detained for four hours in Saturday school. Davey did not become a habitual fighter, and the person he was protecting had one less bully to worry about. As far as the school, they did the right thing. The rule says you get in trouble if you fight. We have to make choices in life, and learn to live with the consequences – even when those consequences seem unfair.” —Don.
“My daughter was bullied by a female classmate for three years. Because they rode the same school bus and were in the same class, they were together all day and [my daughter] couldn’t escape. The bully was tricky — she would tell the bus driver that she and my daughter were friends, and ask for permission to sit together. When I visited the school, she’d run up, hug me, and ask for play dates. So when my daughter complained, people, including me, thought she was overreacting. But one day, I got a call from the teacher saying that two other children had come forward about this child’s incessant bullying — and my daughter was one of the victims. To the school’s credit, the little girl was punished, and the bus driver was issued a strict edict to keep the girls separated. I was also given a chance to write a letter to the school to prevent the girls from being put in the same class again, which the school abided by. —Jeanne.
“When I was in high school, I was dealing with a group of mean girls, but the school chose not to take any course of action against my bullies. The word ‘bullying’ wasn’t even used to describe what was taking place. The school insinuated that I was a willing participant and called it ‘girl drama.’”—Lauren.
“My 9-year-old is going through this now — a girl at school punches and pushes her. I advised my daughter to push back, but the girl [told on her] and my daughter got in trouble. Recently, the bully ‘clotheslined’ my daughter [held her arm out while my daughter was running so she fell]. My husband spoke to the principal and felt heard. The problem is that the bully’s parents are leaders in the district — her mother leads numerous on-campus activities and is considered the best class mom. I have been trying to teach my daughter to cope by herself. I expect the principal will call a meeting shortly so we’ll see if anything changes.” —Jennifer.
“My daughter had just entered Kindergarten when she started complaining about cliques and being left out. It starts so early. I talked to her about it and tried to let it go for a week or so, but then [some girls] told her she was smelly and the food she ate made her smellier so she stopped eating lunch. I’d had enough so I emailed the school guidance counselor. Honestly, I wish I’d done it sooner. Within an hour she had emailed me back, set up sessions with the girls, and nipped it in the bud. My daughter has been much happier and I was thrilled with the school’s fast action. Even so, I hope she won’t be with those girls next year.” —Tracy.
“Bullying is a serious problem that can have deleterious effects on children and families,” Dr. Stephanie Mihalas, a Los Angeles based nationally-certified school psychologist, tells Yahoo Parenting. She recommends that parents of bullied kids start documenting each instance in order to have evidence, and advises not speaking directing to the parent of the bully to potentially avoid being accused of harassment. Also important: Learn local and state bullying laws to be well informed before speaking directly to the school.
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