Two Moms, One Dad: Parenting In a Polyamorous Family
Dani, left, and Melinda Phoenix and Jonathan Stein are in a polyamorous relationship. Photo courtesy Facebook/Looks Like Love To Me
Three’s a crowd, as the saying goes. But for one polyamorous family — a love triad of two moms and one dad — three is the perfect number when it comes to parenting.
Melinda and Dani Phoenix became domestic partners in a 2010 California commitment ceremony, before gay marriage was legal in the state. A year later, the pair fell in love with a man, Jonathan Stein, and added him to their union in an unofficial marriage ceremony in 2014. Now Melinda and Dani are a polyamorous couple — both wives consider Jonathan their husband — and all three are in a romantic relationship. Yahoo Parenting could not reach anyone in the family for comment, but, as Melinda told the Daily Mail, “It might seem strange to a lot of people, but to us it makes perfect sense. We all love each other.”
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Recently, the Oakland trio got two new additions to their family. In September 2014, Melinda gave birth to a son, Oliver, and one month later, Dani had a daughter, Ella Lynn; Jonathan is the father of each. “We just made sure we timed things correctly and prayed our wishes would come true,” Melinda said. “I found out I was pregnant on January 14th … and two weeks later we all let out a scream of pure delight when we found out Dani was expecting, too. It was just so special experiencing pregnancy with the woman I love going through it at the same time.”
Ella Lynn and Oliver, the children of polyamorous couple Melinda and Dani Phoenix and Jonathan Stein. Photo courtesy Facebook/Looks Like Love To Me.
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Today, all three consider themselves parents to both Ella Lynn and Oliver. “We split things up,” Dani told SF Gate. “We’re all working hard and well as a team.”
Both moms are breastfeeding the two kids, and all three parents do nighttime diaper duty and household chores. “We complement each other perfectly, as our parenting styles are so different,” Dani told the Daily Mail. “Whereas I’m a bit paranoid and constantly worrying about germs and if the babies are breathing, Melinda is the opposite.”
Melinda and Dani Phoenix were pregnant at the same time, and breastfeed each other’s babies. Photo courtesy Facebook/Looks Like Love To Me.
Of course, not everyone understands or is accepting of their unconventional lifestyle. “My mom didn’t come to the wedding, as she doesn’t approve of our life,” Melinda said. “People sometimes ask us: ‘Are you not worried about the kids getting bullied at school?’ But in all honesty it is not something that concerns us. We had agreed that when they become old enough we will explain our situation and are committed to instill them with tools to face any hurdle they may encounter. Thankfully we live in community that is pretty liberal and over time we hope families like ours will not be in a minority. Because in all honesty we think having two moms and one dad is the perfect way to raise a child, in a home full of love.”
The trio keep a blog about their life, called Looks Like Love To Me, and hope to one day produce a documentary about their family.
Of course, having three parents in one bedroom does present some unique challenges. “We just need a bigger bed,” Dani said. “We are all co-sleeping with the babies as well and at the moment the only way Jonathan fits is if he lays horizontally at the bottom of the bed.”
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