Halle Berry: Ex Causing 'Psychological Damage' for Changing Daughter's Hair
Halle Berry and daughter, Nahla, in L.A. last year. Photo: AKM-GSI
To say that Halle Berry’s latest battle with her ex over their daughter is a hairy issue doesn’t do the drama justice. The actress is so incensed that Gabriel Aubry has been allegedly straightening and lightening 6-year-old Nahla’s naturally curly hair over the past year that she took him to court over it Monday.
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“I continue to worry about the potential psychological and physical damage to Nahla that can be caused by the use of chemical hair treatments and the psychological message that it conveys to Nahla,” the mother, not present at the Nov. 24 hearing, wrote in a statement handed over by her lawyer – along with before-and-after photos of Nahla’s hair – in an L.A. court. “[And I] implore the court to put a stop to Gabriel’s attempts to alter our daughter’s appearance and most probably cause her to wonder why her natural appearance is not good enough.” The judge agreed and ruled neither Aubry nor Berry, split since 2010, may alter the girl’s hair going forward.
Photo by Kevin Tachman/Getty Images
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The issue is obviously about more than mere style, considering Berry (whose mother is Caucasian and father is African American) claims Caucasian Aubry has called her racist names and the mom has declared she considers Nahla black. “I’m black and I’m her mother,” Berry told Ebony in 2011. “And I believe in the one-drop theory.” But even in that context, the question remains: Can changing Nahla’s hair really cause psychological damage?
Yes, agree two experts. “Children are desperate for their parent’s approval and validation,” family therapist Dr. Paul Hokemeyer tells Yahoo Parenting. “And one of the most destructive messages that parents can give their children – especially their daughters – is that they are not enough and that they’d be of greater value if they were prettier, thinner, and more Caucasian in appearance.” By focusing on and altering a girl’s look, he adds, “It tells them that their value comes from their appearance rather than in the strength of their character, intelligence and personality. It sets them up to be viewed as objects in the world rather than human beings.”
Playing with mom’s makeup or trying out different hairstyles isn’t harmful, qualifies child development specialist Dr. Robyn Silverman. It’s the more permanent changes, such as Nahla’s highlights, that are a problem. “Barring medical need, children don’t need any cosmetic changes and we want children to know, without exception, that they are beautiful just as they are,” she explains. “It’s our job as parents to help our children, boys or girls, to embrace who they are and how they appear.”
But the most damaging aspect of this whole situation, insists another authority, is Nahla’s parents’ animosity toward each other. “Six is an age for children to start showing preferences for hair and it’s healthy for her to make some decisions on her own,” psychotherapist Jonathan Alpert tells Yahoo Parenting. Yet if Nahla is trying to please both parents and she thinks they want opposite things, it can cause her significant stress. “Kids crave stability,” Alpert explains. “And the parents’ fighting can cause anxiety resulting in more damage than any change in hairstyle.”
