Four Siblings Make Heartbreaking Plea
Hakeem, Leon, Dontae, and Delores. Photo courtesy of the Louisiana Department of Children and Family Services.
A foursome of Louisiana siblings split among different foster families is making a public plea this week to be adopted into one forever home. “I miss my brother and sister,” Hakeem, 7, told KPLC 7 on Wednesday. He’s currently living in a foster home with his brother Leon, 8, while brother Dontae, 12, and sister Delores, 9, are each in separate homes (case confidentiality laws forbid disclosing the children’s last name). It’s been two years since they’ve all lived together.
"Ideally, we always want to work with siblings to maintain their connection and to secure a placement for them together," Kaaren Herbert, a senior policy advisor with the state’s Department of Family and Children, tells Yahoo Parenting. “But we’re not always successful.”
Many of the children available for adoption qualify for aid, she adds, which can help remove any financial barriers for prospective families. But many simply don’t feel ready for the commitment of parenting so many children all at once. “Two, three, four, five children will cause many potential parents to take pause — and they need to,” Herbert notes, as it’s not a move to be entered into lightly. Still, during Louisiana’s last fiscal year, six different families adopted five siblings at once, while 43 families adopted sets of three siblings. And so, while the reality of keeping the children together might seem like a tough sell, it remains the agency’s goal — and rightly so, says adoption and foster-care expert Adam Pertman, founder of the National Center on Adoption and Permanency.
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“This is in the realm of research that shows the sun is shining — it’s obvious,” Pertman, author of the book “Adoption Nation,” tells Yahoo Parenting. “Most people would understand that keeping siblings together, whenever possible, is a positive thing that benefits everyone involved. And if you talk to the siblings themselves, it’s a no-brainer.” Research supports the benefit, he says, pointing out that older siblings tend to take on parental roles in the family, providing an irreplaceable support system. “Oftentimes, they are the only emotional stability the other siblings have ever had,” he says. “And even when you can’t keep them together, it doesn’t mean they cease to exist to each other. There are enormous benefits in keeping them connected, and in today’s world it’s easier than ever to do that.”
Reasons for splitting up siblings, Pertman explains, are typically either financial or, if one of the children has had behavioral issues, safety-based. There has also been a learning curve for those who have spent a long time working in the social services arena. “For a long time, I think there was a belief that children just need permanency, irrespective of whether we split them up,” he says. “And it’s easy to see why that would be thought of as a positive, but over time it has evolved, and now the effort is to keep siblings together from the get go.”
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According to research by the National Center for Youth Law, “For many years, the sibling relationship was largely ignored in social science research and child welfare laws. In recent decades, however, both research scientists and policymakers have come to acknowledge the importance of the sibling bond, leading to a flurry of research, policymaking, litigation, and development of innovative programs directing attention to these relationships.” There is even a summer camp, Camp to Belong, with locations across the country (and in Australia), that’s dedicated to reuniting sisters and brothers in separate placements for one week in the summer. The article notes that, while there is little national data on siblings in foster care, estimates indicate that up to 75 percent of foster children are placed apart form their brothers and sisters.
Hakeem, Leon, Delores, and Dontae hope to soon escape that statistic. They told KPLC that, along with staying together, their one hope was that they wind up with a family who is “nice,” “kind,” and “sweet” — traits possessed by at least Leon and Hakeem, according to their foster mom, Mary Williams. “They have their routines and chores, and they love to ask me what I need them to do,” she said. “They’re always asking, ‘Ms. Mary, are you okay?’”
To inquire about adopting the four siblings, contact the Department of Children and Family Services of Louisiana at 337-491-2470.
