Daughters Go Wild When They Learn They’ll Be Big Sisters
Daughters Go Wild When They Learn They’ll Be Big Sisters
You never know how kids will react to the news that they’re getting a sibling — some are thrilled, some are nervous, others are indifferent. But there’s no question how these two sisters felt when their mother presented them each with a cookie cake announcing the news. One said “Big Sister” and the other said “Big Sister… Again!” The excited shrieks and tears of joy from each girl made pretty clear they can’t wait for the family’s new addition, and the heartwarming video of their reaction has been viewed more than 162,000 times since it was posted on YouTube on Oct. 21.
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When children are older, like the two girls in this video, there’s a good chance they’ll be excited about a new sibling, Alyson Schafer, psychotherapist and author of “Honey, I Wrecked the Kids,” tells Yahoo Parenting. “If you’ve got a toddler or preschooler, they’re more likely to feel threatened,” she says. “Children have a perception that love is available in finite amounts, and if it has to be shared, by definition there’s going to be less for them.” After age 5, Schafer says, competition between siblings is greatly reduced.
Before telling a younger child that a baby is on the way, remember that you can’t dictate how they feel, Schafer says. “For all children, introducing a new member to the family is changing the family constellation. We call it dethronement,” she says. “The child’s attitude about it will depend on the individual child — some will be excited, some won’t. We can’t control that, but we can moderate for it.”
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To start, Schafer says you don’t necessarily want to call a family meeting or have a serious sit-down discussion. “Sometimes when you start with a big ‘we need to talk’ moment, you are adding a level of seriousness that your child will catch on to,” she says, adding that if a kid senses that something is a big deal, he might be more inclined to worry. “The more you can make the conversation natural, the better.”
Parents should remember that kids want confirmation that everything will be okay, and that the family dynamic won’t change too much. “The more quickly you can resume normalcy after you break the news, the better,” Schafer says. “You don’t want to talk and talk and talk about it. You want to tell them, and then say, ‘Look, things are still the same.’” So, while you may have to get a baby room ready, don’t make it the center of the family’s universe. Instead work on it after you child is asleep, or out of your child’s sight. Similarly, if you’re having a baby shower, think about holding it at a friend’s house rather than at home while your pre-schooler is there to see it.
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If your child is less than thrilled about being a big brother or sister, let that be ok, Schafer says. “It’s a parent’s job to validate a child’s emotions as opposed to telling them they’re wrong. Say, ‘It sounds like you’re not very happy, and that’s ok. I can see why you like the way things are now — I can understand how this could be upsetting.’” After all, Schafer points out, it makes sense that a new baby might not seem like great news to young kids—they don’t know what to expect, they only know that someone is going to come in and change the family dynamic. “Love grows from shared experiences and time together, so your child will get on board eventually. But telling a child that they are being ridiculous if you don’t like their reaction — that is not helpful.”
And while cookie cakes and YouTube videos are fun and celebratory, remember that not everyone will react as adorably as these two sisters. “This is a very sweet video, but I bet this mom knew how excited her kids would be,” Schafer says. “If you’re not sure, you don’t need to turn it into an event.”
