12 Things You Shouldn’t Say to Someone Who Struggles with Infertility
About 8 to 10 percent of the U.S. population struggles with infertility, according to Eve Feinberg, M.D., of the Fertility Centers of Illinois. (Photo: Adam Gault/OJO Images/Getty Images)
There’s a pretty good chance that you or someone you know struggles with infertility. Here are the stats: 6 percent of married women under the age of 44 are unable to get pregnant after one year of unprotected sex, and 12 percent of women, regardless of marital status, have difficulty getting pregnant after trying for less than one year, according to the Center for Disease Control and Prevention.
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“Receiving a diagnosis of infertility is just as distressful as receiving a cancer diagnosis,” Eve Feinberg, M.D., of the Fertility Centers of Illinois, tells Yahoo Parenting.
If you aren’t familiar with infertility, it can be difficult to find the right words to say when someone shares their experiences. But there are definitely several things you should not say. “You never want to hear how easily someone else got pregnant,” says Feinberg. “Women are at a very vulnerable time when they’re trying to get pregnant. They need support.”
Here are 12 things you shouldn’t say to people who are trying to conceive and what they really think when they hear them — courtesy of a timeless Reddit post.
“Just relax.”
“[This] makes me want to hit someone. I literally clench my fists.” — attackflamingo.
“You’re young, you have so much time.”
“As if that is a reason to completely dismiss my feelings, pain, and everything we are trying.” — felurian42.
“The fact that I am young (25) doesn’t fix the fact that I have PCOS or make the struggle any easier!” — AlliMend.
“Why yes, I realize how old I am. Thank you. That doesn’t change the fact that I wanted 5 kids by 30, and that I’m still trying for my 1st after 6 years.” — spankyjubblies
“I had a hard time getting pregnant too." "Oh? How long did you try?” “Three months.”
“I never understood why some women freak out over such a short time.” — mellymel1713.
When I first started to officially ‘try’ i asked my gyno about it and said we’d been trying for a while, and she said 'well be patient, sometimes these things can take 3-6 months.’ When i said 'We’ve been trying for 9 months,’ she [literally] didn’t say anything back to me. — VegelantyJustice.
“God just has other plans for you.”
“Yes I’m thrilled to hear that your chosen deity thinks I would be a worse parent than a drug dealer, thanks for that.” — RacheleJane.
“Have you thought about just adopting?”
“Two things: 1. I’ve thought of everything, stop asking. 2. Adoption shouldn’t be a consolation prize for failing to conceive. There’s more to it than that.” — Sadie_for_real.
“People have no idea how hard it is to adopt.” — VegelantyJustice.
“It’ll happen eventually.”
“This is my mom’s go-to… I know she means well but it just makes me cringe every time I hear it.” — chickie5.
“It will happen when you aren’t trying.”
“I have no fallopian tubes.” — EtherBvnny.
“Trying is the fun part!”
My husband works 3rd shift, and I literally just poked him awake. ‘Hey! I think we have to have sex right now!’ He groused about it for a full 10 minutes before getting up.” — BuggyD.
“The trying part gets pretty disenchanting after having to give shots to yourself in the stomach and have an insemination at the doctor’s office. Yeah, real fun!” — felurian42.
“Oh, I would carry for you.”
“That’s sweet and all, but I don’t have problems carrying. We simply can’t get an embryo viable enough to carry. Thanks for assuming that’s the problem.” — positivelywaiting.
"Things could always be worse!”
“My god, I want to choke people for trivializing what I see as my worst nightmare.” — chickie5
“There isn’t an unlimited amount of grief in the world. Grieving over fertility struggles doesn’t take away from starving children and cancer patients. We can ALL be sad at the same time.” — asjs5.
"Wait until you’re ready. You need a stable job and income before you have a baby.”
“Y'know, if I had a quarter for every time someone said that to me, I could probably afford multiple rounds of the procedure to MAKE me pregnant.” — mrsmokomothman.
“Having children isn’t what it’s cracked up to be.”
“Says the gal with four kids. Thanks for trying lady, please shut up.” — happypibble.
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