Father of Nine Looking to Sell His Van on Craigslist Warns Others of Its Condition With Hilarious Review
Whether it be #fakenews or edited photos and sponsored ads, pockets of the internet can be utter black holes of content. But through the black hole of fluff-ed posts and photos is a bright shining light of authenticity on Craigslist. (Yes, it is shocking.) The post originated from one genius father-of-nine Josh Wood. From his residence in Amarillo, Texas, the family man posted an ad for his very used 15-passenger van along with the rawest comedic review of all time, and we can’t get enough of the now viral post.
Wood starts off with a short and to-the-point intro that lets us know he isn’t looking for back and forth bidding or haggling. He is going to put everything out there on the table and understands it’s not much.
“We're selling our 2005 Ford E350 XL Extended 15 passenger van. Photos attached. In the interest of full disclosure, here's more information and a partial list of its issues. Please read before making an offer. Thanks!”
The true saga begins in the second paragraph with a rundown of the interior—proof of what happens when you put nine kids into one car.
“The van is missing a speaker in the side door. My kids have been throwing random items in the speaker hole for years. So, you may end up with some very special treasures. Or really old chicken nuggets. Probably both.”
Wood then transitions his way to the car’s exterior in which the modern-day Romeo pays a beautiful tribute to the love of his life: his wife.
“One side of the van has a yellow scuff mark on it. That's courtesy of me and a battle with a yellow concrete parking divider (I did not win). The other side of the van has a matching white scuff mark. That one is courtesy of my wife. She completes me.”
We love how Wood described the non-functioning parts of his car. It’s pure poetry: "When you open the side doors, the rubber door liner is detached in some places. It still does its job, but it looks stupid.”
Wood then lists other broken elements of the vehicle like the automatic door locks that require duct tape although “duct tape is not included,” the front seat speakers, and the semi-functioning air conditioner that breaks down after you hit 45 mph. Don’t worry; he provides a great synopsis for possible future owners. “After that, the gas pedal essentially functions as an on/off switch for the air conditioner. Accelerate = AC off. Decelerate = AC on,” he wrote.
And just like any great parent, he knows exactly what kids want and isn’t afraid to use that as an advertising strategy.
“There's a 20" TV mounted to the ceiling. It works and is connected to an in-dash DVD player. This is a handy feature as it helps distract kids from the intermittent air conditioning and [the] smell of decaying chicken nuggets.”
His parenting moments are so relatable, but our all-time favorite quote has to be about some extremely questionable, kid-related stains.
“We're a family of 11. Every one of our children has thrown up in this van at some point in the past decade.”
We suggest reading through the whole post yourself for a good chuckle and the realization that your chaotic life will never come close to the life of a parent of nine children. Wood even created his very own FAQ section below the multi-paragraph review, because this is one man who leaves no stone unturned.
