The Most Important Year for Kids and Dads
Photo by Thinkstock
Can paternity leave save you from the terrible twos? Children with fathers who spend significant amounts of time with them during their first year of life exhibit less unwanted, uncontrolled behavior at age two, according to a new study.
Kristin Berg Nordhal, a social worker at The Norwegian Centre for Child Behavioural Development in Oslo, recently published her PhD thesis from the University of Bergen. Her research shows that fathers who are able to interact regularly and positively with their infants in that crucial early time have a clear influence on the child’s development. Fathers often become more involved in parenting after the first months of their children’s lives while mothers take a more active role in infant care as they usually have more time at home with the baby. But Nordahl’s thesis findings support the idea that new fathers’ time at home ought to be prioritized as well.
STORY: For This Man, Fatherhood Started 8,000 Miles From Home
“Fathers should be entitled to spend more time with their children, and they should be entitled to guidance in order to enhance the quality of the interaction between father and child,” Nordhal said in an interview with the Kilden Information Centre for Gender Research in Norway. She hopes her research will lead to more practical ways for fathers to be included in children’s daily care during year one.
Erin M. Rehel, a former sociology professor and consultant at The Advisory Board Company whose studies focus on how fathers experience work-family conflict, agrees that it is especially important for fathers to play an active role in parenting during a child’s very early life — and it’s beneficial to the whole family. “Leave-taking at the beginning addresses the opportunity for mothers and fathers to learn, at the same time, how to be parents,” she tells Yahoo Parenting. Rehel explains that the idea that moms “naturally” know how to take care of the baby is often just a matter of exposure — they put in the work. Yes, breastfeeding is biological, but the rest of it? Not so much. “Anyone who’s ever changed a diaper knows it doesn’t come naturally — it’s weird,” she says. “You learn how to do it and you become quicker. There’s no gender predisposition to being better at diapering.”
STORY: How Not to Raise a Bully
Plus, when fathers are involved from the beginning in the basic care work of feeding, bathing and changing their babies, they tend to have more confidence and are able to stay more involved going forward because they learn to do everything that moms do. According to Rehel, everyone is afraid they’ll break the tiny new baby in the beginning, but moms are conditioned to get in there right away. If dads do that too, by always taking on bath time, for example, they’re more likely to know the baby’s not going to break — and it becomes natural for them to spend that time together.
STORY: 7 Reasons to Forgive Yourself for Not Breastfeeding
Nordahl’s research points to the importance of positive interactions between fathers and infants, and Rehel suggests that being intentional about giving dads time and space to master newborn care can foster those quality interactions. “If the mother’s home with the baby, she’ll be better at soothing him at first, and it’s easier when a baby’s crying to have the person who’s best at soothing do it all the time,” she says. “But then you’re undermining the father’s chance to learn and reinforcing the fact that the baby is more comfortable with the mom.”
It’s not easy to listen to a baby crying or to watch someone learning how to do things like change diapers and calm tears. “You have to be intentional and committed to it even in moments that are more uncomfortable and challenging,” stresses Rehel. “If you don’t give dads the opportunity to do, they won’t learn.” In other words, trading discomfort in the short term (maybe it takes the secondary parent a little longer to soothe the baby initially) for long-term benefits (both parents feel competent soothing the little one) works wonders.
