"It ripped my heart out" - What it's like to be estranged from your sibling
From complicated, toxic father-daughter relationships to non-traditional dynamics, there are many reasons families fall out or grow apart. But how does it feel when the siblings you grew up with are no longer part of your life? Can you just carry on as normal, completely forgetting about their existence? And what kinds of things drive people to become estranged from their family?
1."All my photos were banished from the house"
"[My brother and I] didn't speak for seven years. I was a teen parent, let's just say it didn't make me a popular member of the family. I wasn't allowed to visit my mum's home if he was there (so always, unless he went on holidays) and all my photos were banished from the house, literally. None of his new friends from uni knew he had a sister. No Christmas with them. He got back in touch when it became necessary. On my side, I kinda regret accepting it, I should have kept my distance. But I wanted my kid to have access to our family so badly. I've also realised that I'm really wary of someone who didn't speak to me for such a long time, and I'll never trust them fully again. I thought I'd get over it, but apparently not." [via]
2."He always seemed very detached from our family"
"The short and long answer is: I have no idea [how we became estranged]. At a certain point, he just sort of disappeared. I mean, we know where he is. His wife occasionally sends us cards. Some of my siblings have had occasional success meeting up with him. But several of us haven’t seen him since his wedding 13 years ago, and neither have my parents. I have no idea why. He always seemed very detached from our family, even as a kid. I guess he just didn’t bond to us. It ripped my heart out because I idolised him as a kid, and I miss my brother so much. [via]
3."We found out he was married through Facebook"
"I've not seen my brother in over a decade and neither have the rest of my family. In that time he's been married twice and had a kid. All of which we found out via Facebook stalking. I feel like it's a really sad situation, but I do not miss the drama that he seems to carry with him wherever he goes." [via]
4."She used to be my best friend"
"My sister is a manipulative, belligerent, drunk who doesn’t give a shit for anyone but herself. She lost her house, nursing license, her marriage, family and her children. I rarely speak to her, and if so it’s a once a year text. She used to be my best friend but I can’t take it anymore. I do miss her terribly though, but if she knew that she’d be taking advantage of it."[via]
5."He's spineless"
"My brother married a very manipulative woman and he’s rather spineless. The end." [via]
6."We had an argument on social media"
"[It was over] some idiot disagreement on social media. The other sister slowly stopped calling and didn’t even bother calling me or texting me on my birthday.
"As far as I’m concerned I’m an only child again, and an orphan since my mother kisses both of their asses and ignores me and my kids." [via]
7."She chose my husband over me"
"My husband and sister kicked me out and chose each other just over six years ago. My husband asked for a divorce, and my sister allowed him to stay in the apartment we all shared instead of me. Drama happened, lots of name calling, and [police] were called the day I moved out. It was bad.
"I had stopped all contact with them both, but did recently come back into contact with my sister. I never thought it would happen. But after several conversations about what happened, things are on their way to what they were before. I have a relationship with my nephews, which is what I missed the most. And I love having another person in my life I can confide in, albeit limited due to what transpired previously." [via]
8."I was done dealing with her drama"
"I was estranged from my sister for four years. She decided to get a divorce, inform all of us in a BCCed email without any explanation, and with a statement that if we asked she would stop talking to us. She was then really shitty to my family at her graduation. She was especially shitty to me, and I'd driven hours to be there because she was leaving to move to California the following day. This is after years of her just being horrible and entitled middle child. I'm the youngest of four kids and we are all in our thirties now. I actively didn't go to any family events because I just was done dealing with her drama. She once threw a TV remote at me because I couldn't make it play something it hadn't recorded. She was at least 22 at the time. She and I didn't start talking again until I sent out my own, 'I'm getting divorced' email. She has grown a lot and was struggling with a lot of stuff I wasn't aware of because she didn't share it. We text back and forth periodically now, and have started exchanging Christmas presents again. She gives everyone socks. For 10 years she gave me socks I couldn't wear because I've always been allergic to wool. My Christmas socks are cotton now." [via]
9."We're too different"
"I was only close to my siblings when we were young kids. I grew apart from my oldest sister, who is seven years older than me, when I was probably around eight, and grew apart from my step sister when we were about 10 (we're only a few months apart). I was never close to my step brother. I'm 27 now, and I don't really talk to any of them. We just never had that typical close sibling bond. I suppose I might be able to connect with my sister sometime in the future, when we're old farts and our parents are dead maybe. I could see us bonding over losing them. As dark as that sounds... I don't think there's really any chance of any sort of relationship with my step siblings though. We're just way too different." [via]
10."She cut off all contact without warning"
"My sister has had a very traumatic life. Physical, emotional, sexual abuse. Then she lost everything in a house fire. Then her husband killed himself on their second anniversary. She never got the help she needed.
"She constantly made terrible decisions: unstable men, alcohol, drugs. I couldn't support her emotionally, or financially, anymore and she took that as a huge betrayal, and cut off all contact with me without warning or even a fuck off email or text. She just disappeared from my life. She moved to South Carolina four years ago, and none of us have heard from her. I'm not sure whatever relationship we had can be salvaged." [via]
11."He's been brainwashed by our mother"
"My brother is lodged so far up our mother’s ass he won’t speak to me since I went NC [no contact] with her. She’s a horrible person and did some atrocious things to me, but he refuses to admit that what she did is wrong. He does whatever she tells him and lets her run his entire life. He accepts everything she says as gospel and refuses to acknowledge me. I would have never asked him to choose between us but he’s too brainwashed to believe that. I’ve never met his daughters and I miss him, but I’d rather have no relationship with him than be subjected to my mother. I don’t foresee things ever changing." [via]
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