My husband doesn't wear a wedding ring. I don't mind, but I wish we hadn't spent money on one.
My husband and I have been married for 12 years.
We spent about $150 on his ring, which he hasn't worn since our honeymoon.
I wish we had the confidence earlier on to realize he wouldn't want to wear a ring.
On a cool September morning in New Hampshire, about 50 of my friends and family formed a circle. As the music played, they passed a handmade birch bark canoe that had two rings nestled inside: my wedding ring and that of my soon-to-be husband. Each of our loved ones held the rings for a moment, imbuing them with good wishes for our marriage.
Watching the ring blessing from the small shed where I waited to walk down the aisle was one of my favorite parts of my wedding. Seeing all the people I loved pausing to bless my new love was spiritual.
I remember a lot of our wedding ceremony in vivid detail, but I don't remember when I slipped the ring onto my husband's finger. Later that night, I remember him rubbing the band and saying skeptically, "We're going to have to see about this."
My husband only wore his ring during our honeymoon
At first, my husband tried to wear his ring. He had it on during our honeymoon in Florida, but as soon as he returned to his physical job as an HVAC installer, the ring came off. It was cumbersome and uncomfortable during the day, even though he had opted for the lightest possible band. We never really discussed his decision not to wear it because it was just a practical choice.
Once he slipped the ring from his finger for work, he often forgot to put it back on. During the first few months of our marriage, the ring would appear for date nights out, just like his "nice shoes." But before long, he forgot it then, and to be honest, so did I.
Twelve years later, I can't remember the last time my husband wore his ring, and that doesn't bother me at all. It turns out wearing a ring is a tradition that doesn't fit him or our relationship, and we're both entirely OK with that. I don't need a band to show my claim to him or his obligation to me — the life we've established together speaks for itself.
I wish we had talked about what rings meant to us
I have always loved seeing men wear wedding rings, and I enjoy the look of bracelets on men, even though I know my husband would never wear one. Just like it doesn't bother me that he doesn't wear a bracelet, I didn't care when his ring came off.
My dad never wore a ring either. He lost his wedding ring after removing it to get stitches. My husband was the one to find it decades later, as we cleaned out my parents' house years after they divorced.
I just wish that we'd had a discussion about what rings meant to us before our wedding. If we had, we might have realized that a band for him wasn't important to either of us. We could have saved the money we spent just because tradition dictated it. We had bought him a fairly affordable ring, but the price was still significant for us at that time.
Over time, I started wearing my rings less too
When I first got engaged, I wore my ring constantly, not taking it off to sleep or wash my hands. A jeweler pointed out that this wasn't good for my skin or my ring and urged me to take it off more often. Like my husband, I sometimes simply forgot to put it back on.
There have been times, thanks to the body changes that come with birthing two kids, when my rings didn't fit. I didn't wear them for months at a time, but I missed them, not because of any social expectations but because of the joy they bring me when I glance down at my hand throughout the day. I've had my rings resized twice, and they're now a great fit, but I don't wear them every day, opting to put them on when I want and leave them behind on more casual work-from-home days.
Over more than a decade, we've been able to move beyond what society expects from us with wedding rings and define what truly works for us. That's happened with many things in our marriage, from sleeping in separate beds to solo travel to who's the breadwinner.
Sure, it would be nice if those discoveries had come sooner, without the costs associated with learning, but some lessons can only come with time.
Read the original article on Business Insider
