Here's why the theory that Taylor Swift is a satanist clone absolutely checks out

What went wrong with Hiddleswift? The same thing that always makes Taylor Swift's relationships go down in flames — her man's unwillingness to commit to a Faustian bargain.

See, Swift's uncanny resemblance to Zeena Schreck, former high priestess of the church of Satan, has been common knowledge on the internet for a while now. Rumors of a deeper connection have reached a fever pitch recently, based in part on the airtight theory that Swift is a clone of Schreck, who is the daughter of Church of Satan founder Anton LaVey.  

The evidence is hard to shake off. 

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Schreck and Swift are both best represented by the serpent emoji and have blonde hair. Schreck's dad founded the Church of Satan, while Swift's (surrogate) father is a Merrill Lynch executive who owned a Christmas tree farm. 

Obviosuly, the two women have too much in common to ignore, but their connection cannot merely exist on the surface. A close look at their life stories suggests an interwoven plot that all points to the truth — Swift's love for Lucifer is red, burning red. 

Schreck was high priestess of the Church of Satan from 1985-1990, which is very suspicious, because Taylor Swift talks a big game about being born in 1989. Naming her smash hit album 1989 is clearly TayTay LaVey's desperate attempt to emphasize that she had a normal human birth and was not cultivated in a cauldron and/or laboratory. The whole thing reeks of a coverup.

As soon as Schreck created a currently unknown number of clones of herself to carry on the work of Satan, she moved on to conquer new territory, because she's an overachiever. Kind of like Swift, who shares her entire genetic makeup.

Back in 2012, Schreck spoke to Vice about her post-Church of Satan, which includes a music venture — a band called Radio Werewolf. Interesting!

Schreck traveled a lot throughout these years — "grab your passport and my hand" — and devoted herself to Sethianism, a faith devoted to the ancient Egyptian god, Seth. Schreck went on to become high priestess of the Temple of Seth because she's a crossover queen, just like Taylor slaying the country and pop charts with her doting squad by her side!

All this evidence is pretty damning, but here's how we know that TSwift is a clone with absolute certainty — she's not the only one. 

Remember Becky?

Image: tumblr

The Tumblr legend who allegedly snorted marijuana at a party and died instantly is definitely another clone of Schreck. 

When Swift acknowledged the meme in 2014, people thought she was proving she could be in on a joke. But was she just gloating over the fact that she is the queen of the clones? Yes, friends, she was.

Image: taylor swift/tumblr

Now that it's crystal clear that Swift is the devil, what does this mean? It definitely puts One Direction music and the fate of Harry Styles' immortal soul in a whole new light. 

Keep up the evil work, Taylor!